- Hector G. Ivor: I got into a little jam like that once.
- Frank Michaelson: Hector, telling me your troubles at this point would be like complaining to Noah about a drizzle.
- Frank Michaelson: How old is the punk?
- Mollie Michaelson: He's not a punk.
- Frank Michaelson: All right, how old is the non-punk?
- Frank Michaelson: There's just one catch to it.
- Anne Michaelson: What's that?
- Frank Michaelson: You and I won't be able to eat her senior year.
- Frank Michaelson: [At the airport] All right - how much over weight?
- Anne Michaelson: None!
- Frank Michaelson: None? With that load?
- Anne Michaelson: No, you see...
- Frank Michaelson: All right, don't tell me. Don't tell me. I know there's something crooked about it, but I don't wanna hear it. Not at a time like this, anyway.
- Hector G. Ivor: Honestly, sometimes I really wonder where the papers get all this stuff they print. Can't make it all up, can they?
- Frank Michaelson: Now, I have to be the first to admit that I don't know very much about modern art, but I happen to be one of the outstanding authorities in the State of California on hogwash.
- Hector G. Ivor: Waiter - do you know who that fellow looks like?
- Waiter: Pardon?
- Hector G. Ivor: Henry Fonda. Henry Fonda, the American film star. Will you ever forget him in 'Gone with the Wind?'
- Frank Michaelson: Do you know what "Life" means when they say protégé?
- Anne Michaelson: Wellll..
- Frank Michaelson: When they say protégé, they're winking. It's their way of slipping you the dirt. When they say protégé, what they're really saying...
- Anne Michaelson: Okay, okay!