Gilligan: Hiya, Professor. What are you doing?

Professor Roy Hinkley: I'm making notes for a book. It's to be a chronicle of our adventures on the island... I think it's a book people will want to buy, don't you?

Gilligan: Sure, I'll buy one. I'm dying to find out what happens to us.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger, I've got a problem... I've got a real problem... Now you're a girl, right?

Ginger Grant: Well, if you're not sure about that, you have got a problem!

Eunice Wentworth "Lovey" Howell: Anyone who says money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: You don't know anything about space.

Gilligan: I do know one thing. You take up more of it than I do.

Professor Roy Hinkley: Listen, Gilligan, how far down was she? How many feet?

Gilligan: Professor, in navy circles, we don't say "feet". We say "fathoms".

Professor Roy Hinkley: All right, how many fathoms?

Gilligan: Oh I don't know, about 15 feet.

[the castaways have set up a courtroom and are conducting a trial]

Thurston Howell III: Your Honor, will you get another gavel?

Professor Roy Hinkley: Why?

Thurston Howell III: That one's squirting milk all over me.

[Later in the same courtroom sequence]

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ginger's very damaging to us.

Gilligan: Yeah, her testimony.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: No, her legs.

[And finally...]

Thurston Howell III: I'd like to charge Mary Ann with murder.

Professor Roy Hinkley: Murder?

Thurston Howell III: Her testimony's killing me.

Gilligan: What was that stuff you just gave me?

Eunice Wentworth "Lovey" Howell: That will help you sleep, it's a sedative.

Gilligan: Thanks, Mrs. Howell, but you're wasting your time. Those things don't work on me. I remember once...

[falls asleep]

Professor Roy Hinkley: I'll get Mr. Howell and we'll reconnoiter.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: All right, we'll get Mr. Howell and we'll reconnoiter. Come on.

Gilligan: Okay, but I think we ought to scout around a bit first.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan, little buddy, come with me.

Gilligan: I'm not finished yet.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan, come with me!

Gilligan: I'm finished.

Gilligan: You're a big man with a big head and...

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan!

Gilligan: And a big heart.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Oh, thank you.

Thurston Howell III: What is this slop?

Skipper Jonas Grumby: It's Gilligan's own creation, Mr. Howell, It's coconut pot pie.

Gilligan: Skipper, should I pick the yellow bananas or the red bananas, because the yellow bananas are green.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Then pick the red ones.

Gilligan: But the red ones are pink.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Gilligan, I don't care if you pick red-white-and-blue bananas, just pick some bananas!

Gilligan: Okay, Skipper... Blue bananas?

Skipper Jonas Grumby: I guess it will be a long time before you'll eat another mushroom.

Mary Ann Summers: You can say that again.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: I guess it will be a long time...


Gilligan: Don't worry about mushrooms anymore, I got a book that tells all about them.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: You do?

Gilligan: Huh huh. Yeah, and it's called, "'How to Tell A Mushroom From a Toadstool'" by the late Dr. Morton Kepstone.

Skipper Jonas GrumbyMary Ann Summers: Late?

Gilligan: Late?

Skipper Jonas Grumby: [upon finding a robot] Oh for goodness' sakes, that's just what we needed. The tin fugitive from the Wizard of Oz.

Skipper Jonas Grumby: If I were ever seen talking to this refugee from a junkyard, they'd think the skipper lost all his marbles.

Robot: The skipper lost his marbles.

Thurston Howell III: [pretending he's a Chief Headhunter] Moolah, moolah, moolah.

[repeated line]

Gilligan: Sorry, Skipper.

Thurston Howell III: The 'Wizard of Wall Street' strikes again!

Gilligan: Do those headhunters really collect heads, Professor?

Professor Roy Hinkley: Yes, Gilligan. They boil them... they shrink them... and then they mount them on sticks.

Gilligan: Eeeeeeew, what a crazy cane!

Gilligan: Skipper, are you asleep?

Skipper Jonas Grumby: [sarcastically] Yes.

Gilligan: Oh, well when you wake up will you tell me if you've seen my rabbit's foot?

[repeated line]

Gilligan: Gee whiz, Professor!

[repeated line]

Skipper Jonas Grumby: Oh, Gilligan, not again!

Gilligan: [Repeated line] Heh. Seeya later.