[opening titles; sung]

Bruno, The Chauffeur: Screams and moans and bats and bones / Teenage monsters in haunted homes / The ghosts on the stair / The vampires bite / Better beware, there's a full moon tonight / Cannibal spiders creep and crawl / Boys and ghouls having a ball / Frankenstein, Dracula and even the Mummy / Are sure to end up in somebody's tummy / Take a fresh rodent, some toadstools and weeds / And add an old owl and the young one she breeds / Mix in seven legs from an eight-legged beast / And then you're all set for a cannibal feast / Sit round the fire with this cup of brew / A fiend and a werewolf on each side of you / This cannibal orgy is strange to behold / In the maddest story ever told

Bruno, The Chauffeur: Just because something isn't good doesn't mean it's bad.

Schlocker: This has gone well beyond the boundaries of prudence and good taste.

Virginia: I caught a big fat bug right in my spider web and now the spider gets to give the bug a big sting. Sting! Sting! Sting! Sting! Sting!

Elizabeth: Spiders don't eat other spiders.

Virginia: Cannibal spiders do.

Elizabeth: What's it gonna do, Bruno?

Bruno, The Chauffeur: Well, it's gonna it's gonna make a big flash and go bang!

Virginia: Oh boy!