Eustace Charleton Haney: [after learning Oliver and Lisa are going to be out of town for a few days] While yer away on yer trip, I thought you might like to avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service.
Oliver Wendell Douglass: HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE?
Eustace Charleton Haney: Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door.
TV Kiddie Show Host: Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize!
Oliver Douglas: No, you don't understand, Arnold is a REAL PIG!
TV Kiddie Show Host: I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself!
Hank Kimball: Hello, Mrs Douglas! How are you?
Lisa Douglas: Hello, Mr. Kimball. I'm fine. Well, I'm not really fine. I have a little headache. Well, it isn't a little headache, it's a... it went away!
Hank Kimball: I know somebody that talks just like that. Well, not just like that. What was his name? Oh yes, it was... no, it wasn't him...
Oliver Douglas: You mallet head!
[the Douglases are looking for clothes to donate to a rummage sale]
Oliver Douglas: Why don't we give away this one?
Lisa Douglas: No that's the dress I graduated from high school in.
Oliver Douglas: How about this one?
Lisa Douglas: That's the dress I wore the first day of college.
Oliver Douglas: [holding a black, low-cut dress] What about this one?
Lisa Douglas: That's the one I got expelled in.