What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

Tatsuya Mihashi: Phil Moscowitz

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phil Moscowitz : Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Take this! And this! Roman cow! Russian snake! Spanish fly! Anglo-Saxon Hun!

• Woman in control room : You had us worried. What have you been up to?

  Phil Moscowitz : Well, nothing much really to report... by the way, I was almost shot and killed just before the opening credits.

• Phil Moscowitz : I thought you said you loved me!

  Wing Fat : I love you in my own way.

• Phil Moscowitz : [while printing the microfilm code]  And now I will read you some ancient erotic poetry. "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

  Wing Fat : You fool! You're leading me on.

  Phil Moscowitz : How do I know after I give you the recipe you won't kill me.

  [runs his finger over his throat] 

  Wing Fat : Kill you? Come on.

  [opens jacket] 

  Wing Fat : Does this look like the body of a killer?

• High Macha Of Rashpur : It's rough with a new country. Do you realize the entire population is still packed in crates?

  Phil Moscowitz : Good luck. I am sure you'll get your country on the globe.

  High Macha Of Rashpur : Thank you. I'm hoping for something between Spain and Greece. It's really much warmer there.

• Phil Moscowitz : No bullets? Ah, but if all of you in the audience who believe in fairies will clap your hands, then my gun will be magically filled with bullets.

• High Macha Of Rashpur : [displaying a printed floor plan]  This is Shepherd Wong's home.

  Phil Moscowitz : He lives in that piece of paper?

• Phil Moscowitz : Hey, taxi! Kidnap us, please, and step on it!

  Cab Driver : Did you say "kidnap"?

  Phil Moscowitz : Yes, that's right.

  Cab Driver : Alright, but first it's time for a little sightseeing. Coming up on your right is the world-renowned factory where the broken Japanese toys are made.

• Phil Moscowitz : Would you like a drink? Would you like to take another bath? Would you like to see my collection of off-color, Italian hand gestures? Could I interest you in a naked picture of Hugh Hefner?

  Suki Yaki : I never saw anyone who thought of sex so much. You know, you're kinda cute in your own way. I could really fall for you.

  Phil Moscowitz : Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes and bring a cattle prod.

• High Macha Of Rashpur : Good afternoon. I am the Grand Exalted High Macha of Raspur, a nonexistent but real-sounding country.

  Phil Moscowitz : Uh-huh.

  High Macha Of Rashpur : Yes. We're on a waiting list. As soon as there's an opening on the map, we're next.

• Suki Yaki : I managed to find a woman's dress but I couldn't find a stitch of underwear.

  Phil Moscowitz : No underwear, huh? I find that very interesting.

  Suki Yaki : Don't excite yourself. I never sleep with a man who owns a dress.

  Phil Moscowitz : Me neither. I feel the same way.

• Suki Yaki : Who arranged my escape?

  Phil Moscowitz : Have you no idea?

  Suki Yaki : I had an idea it was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir... but they have no motive.

• Phil Moscowitz : Shepherd Wong! You'd never guess I have no pants on!

• Phil Moscowitz : [repeated line, sung in a tenor voice]  Love has found me,/And I have found the way!

• Phil Moscowitz : Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed snake who married a rope?

• Phil Moscowitz : What are we doing here?

  Palace servant : Just shut up and get on your knees. In a moment you will see a beautiful set of teeth.

• Phil Moscowitz : That's a very unusual pin you're wearing.

  Suki Yaki : If I remove it, one of my parts falls off.

• Phil Moscowitz : Don't look now, honey. This is the obligatory scene. The director always has to walk through with his wife.

  [a couple walks by in front of the camera] 

  Phil Moscowitz : Egomaniac!

• Phil's Date : [while wrapped in a towel]  Name three presidents.

  Phil Moscowitz : Roosevelt, McKinley...

  [Unwraps her towel and looks at her] 

  Phil Moscowitz : ...Lincoln?