Mad Monster Party? (1967)

Gale Garnett: Francesca

Quotes 

• Dracula : What kind of a monster is he? A ghoul? A demon? A spook, or...?

  Francesca : A human.

  Dracula : They're the worst kind.

• Baron von Frankenstein : Everybody must have had quite a time last night. There was a huge pile of leftovers in the dining room.

  Francesca : I wonder who it was.

• [final lines] 

  Felix Flanken : My place isn't much. Two small rooms, a furnished medicine cabinet, but we'll be married. And soon there will be the sound of little Flankens running around.

  Francesca : [starts to cry]  Oh, Felix.

  Felix Flanken : What? What have I said? We'll get a bigger place, I'll give up sneezing. What is it?

  Francesca : I'm just a machine with hundreds of parts that will eventually wear out.

  Felix Flanken : Well, Francesca, none of us are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  [continues and fades out] 

• Yetch : Francesca, it's me, your Don Juan!

  Francesca : [pounding him over the head]  I Don Juan to look at you!

  Yetch : [lovestruck]  I love your eyes, I love your chin, I love the shape they put you in, and when I get to feel your touch, I ache for you so very much!

• Francesca : Felix, you saved my life.

  Felix : Don't thank me, thank my pills.

  [they kiss] 

  Felix : Don't thank my pills, thank me.

• Felix Flanken : I'll carry you. Boy, you're heavier than I thought.

  Francesca : I want you to know I'm no easy pick-up.

• Francesca : [thinking]  I can make the doctor's secrets mine before he bestows them on that Felix Flanken. And I can use Dracula to help me.

  The Monster's Mate : Baby, Francesca is up to something with that Dracula. They both bear watching. Besides, it's her own fault for thinking so loud.

• The Monster's Mate : Stop behaving like the Statue of Liberty. Put down that torch.

  Dracula : Yes, we can still make a deal.

  Francesca : Make a deal with you? Not so long as I have wolfsbane for you, vampire, and a torch for you, Monster. Or is it torch for a vampire and wolfsbane for a monster? Wolfsbane for a werewolf, and a torch for a vampire. No, it's stake through the heart for a vampire and a silver bullet for a monster.

  Dracula : I'll take the torch and you get the wolfsbane.

• Francesca : But we haven't received a reply from... IT.

  Baron von Frankenstein : Well, I should hope that we don't. You see, IT wasn't invited. It was a crushing bore at our last convention. IT kept walking around crushing boars, wild boars, in its hands. Very frankly, Francesca, IT disgusts even me.

  Francesca : Do you really think that IT would dare to come here uninvited?

  Baron von Frankenstein : I don't know. IT is capable of anything.

• Francesca : We also received a very strange reply from someone who says he's arriving on the 13th. Someone named Felix Flanken.

  Baron von Frankenstein : He's coming? That is good news. What else does he write?

  Francesca : "Looking forward to meeting all those fun people at your resort". Resort? Fun people? He doesn't mean Dracula and the Werewolf, surely.

  Baron von Frankenstein : Yes, yes? Go on.

  Francesca : "Can't wait to dip into the pool in the front of your resort and lie on your beautiful beach." Doctor, does he know about the crocodiles in the lagoon and the quicksand on the beach? Who or what is this Flanken?

  Baron von Frankenstein : Oh, don't be alarmed. Felix Flanken is a mere human.

• Francesca : As the doctor's rightful heir, I will be given his secrets and I shall share them with you.

  Dracula : Why, of course. Half a loaf is better than two in the bushes. Or something like that.

  Dracula : [to himself]  Then I shall get rid of you and have all the secrets to myself.

• Baron von Frankenstein : Ah, my dear, you look so... er, ghastly.

  The Monster's Mate : [flattered]  Oh, Doctor.

  Francesca : Oh, brother.

• Felix Flanken : What unusual flora and fauna.

  Francesca : Yes, I know. You like it and it likes you.

• Francesca : Thank badness, Felix is escaping.

• Dracula : Madame, i must say you look the picture of decadence.

  Francesca : Don't kiss! You always leave marks!