19 February 2004 | roddmatsui
Comes with its own thumbscrews, for your enjoyment!
Someone subjected me to this a while back, and it was more than I could take. I like watching bad horror movies, by the way. 'Dracula vs. Frankenstein' and 'Manos: Hands of Fate' are two of my favorites. I enjoy bad movies quite a bit, and love the ones that are funny and weird.
I thought I had seen the worst of all of them, too...and then this abomination came along and smacked me square in the face. 'Gallery of Horrors.' Yes, a very appropriate title, for all the wrong reasons. It is very, very close to being impossible to watch. Every moment is painful and slow. Sound like your cup of tea?
Certainly, a lot of the film's badness is obviously due to the fact that it was CHEAP. I mean really cheap; 'we can only afford one take' cheap. 'Let's not bother moving the camera if we can help it' cheap. Long, wide master shots you will never escape from...scenes that drain the viewer's soul as he/she watches. Aside from Carradine and Chaney, none of the actors is anyone you're likely to have heard of. And there's a good reason for that. They're terrible! I was wondering what the actors were thinking while they were doing this...their minds seem to be on something else entirely. 'I think they're all hoping that check's gonna cash,' my friend suggested. And really, this is a very plausible assumption. There is a creeping expression of worry in their eyes. They don't just want to go home. They're wondering if they're even going to be paid. Even the actors in "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" didn't suffer this much.
But...ya gotta start somewhere. David L. Hewitt, director and screenwriter, has moved on to much bigger and better things since then.