Marcia Brady: Ooh! My nose!
Jan Brady: Well, all day long at school I hear how great Marcia is at this or how wonderful Marcia did that! Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Alice Nelson: If there's anything I can't stand, it's a perfect kid. And SIX of 'em, yecch!
[Carol walks into Mike's den to show off her new ensemble for their weekend vacation at a dude ranch]
Carol Ann Brady: What are you going to wear, Mike?
Michael 'Mike' Brady: Oh I don't know... my cowboy boots...
Carol Ann Brady: [in her best John Wayne impression] Well ya better wear somethin' else, or you're gonna get arrested!
Michael 'Mike' Brady: Not to mention sunburn!
Cindy Brady: I'm not a snitcher; I just tell it like it is.
Bobby Brady: Mom always says not to play ball in the house!
Jan Brady: I'd like to buy a wig please.
Saleswoman: Not for yourself. Why would you want to cover such beautiful blonde hair?
Jan Brady: You'd understand if you had two blonde sisters at home.
Saleswoman: Oh, so we want a complete change do we?
Jan Brady: Yes ma'me.
Saleswoman: Ok. What kind of style are you looking for?
Jan Brady: I don't know. Something wild. Kooky. Kinda like something you're wearing.
Saleswoman: This is my own hair.
Jan Brady: Oh! I'm so sorry!
Saleswoman: Not half as sorry as I am.
Marcia Brady: It's so beneficial for me to be away from those children in junior high and to be with people of my own mature growth. I'm looking forward to the intellectual stimulation. Nice meeting you boys. Bye.
Marcia Brady: [Marcia lost her Diary and is accusing one of the boys of taking it] Okay, if you hand it right over, I won't press charges
Greg Brady: What are you talking about?
Marcia Brady: As if you didn't know.
Peter Brady: Bobby, do you know what she's talking about?
Bobby Brady: No. Greg, do you know what she's talking about?
Greg Brady: No. Marcia, do you know what you're talking about?
Marcia Brady: I certainly do, someone in this room took my diary.
Greg Brady: Your diary, you mean you actually keep one of those stupid things?
Bobby Brady: What's a diary?
Peter Brady: It's a book, that you write things, that you don't want anyone else to know.
Bobby Brady: Why?
Greg Brady: So, you could write stuff like
[Greg then sits at his desk imitating Marcia writing in her diary]
Greg Brady: "Dear diary, at last I met him, my dream man, it was at the delicatessen and our fingers tingled as we reached over for the same potato salad."
[the boys laugh]
Marcia Brady: [shouts] I have never written any ridiculous thing like that in my diary!
Peter Brady: You didn't?
Marcia Brady: [shouts] I should say not!
Greg Brady: Then, why are you afraid that somebody might read it?
Marcia Brady: None of your business.
Kathy Lawrence: [shouts] F-f-fil,l-l-lmo, o-o-ore, Fillmore Junior High!
Marcia Brady: From now on, I'm beautiful and noble; I'm Juliet!
Jan Brady: Lovely. Lovely. Isn't it just absolutely just lovely?
Oliver: Gee, I'm sorry.