Jennifer Winslow: [Pointing to something in the water beyond the ship] I wonder what that is?
Lt. Morton Krim: [Excitedly] What? What? Where?
Jennifer Winslow: There, floating...
Lt. Morton Krim: Oh, that's, uh, that's just some flotsam, or jetsam. Whatever the difference is.
Jennifer Winslow: Well, flotsam is something from a shipwreck, and jetsam is something thrown overboard in order to lighten the ship.
Lt. Morton Krim: Oh... I guess that makes me flotsam, then.
Jennifer Winslow: And apparently my brother considers me jetsam.
Lt. Morton Krim: That must've been some kind of mistake.
Jennifer Winslow: Oh, Johnny and I were never exactly close. When I was nine, he tried to sell me to a steamer captain. I guess it comes from living in the islands.
Lt. Morton Krim: I don't know, there's a lot here that doesn't add up.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Having trouble balancing the ledgers, Number One? Why don't you just forget about clerking...
Lt. Morton Krim: [exasperated] I *told* you, I'm not a "clerk," I'm a C.P.A. And anyway, even an office boy can see that something's wrong here. For instance, why do you drink so much and not get drunk? And how come you don't eat? Or sleep? And why is your uniform so clean?
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Really, Number One, I don't know what to make of this outburst. I only attribute it to that tumble you took... Miss Winslow, please, have another look at Number One's head.
Jennifer Winslow: Yes, how does it feel?
Lt. Morton Krim: There's nothing wrong with my head!
Lt. Morton Krim: Why don't you answer my questions?
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: What questions? Why do I drink and not get drunk? Because I am a healthy British officer.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Why do I not eat Oglethorpe's food? Because I wish to *remain* a healthy British officer.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Why do I require little sleep? Because I have mastered the Indian art of control over mind and body.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: And why is my uniform always clean? Because I choose to keep it that way.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Does that settle the accounts for you, Number One?
Jennifer Winslow: How does your head feel?
Lt. Morton Krim: Fine! I wish you'd stop asking me that every time I tell you what I saw.
Jennifer Winslow: Sorry.
Lt. Morton Krim: Look, I don't mean to sound angry, it's just... He's right about me, you know. I get very upset when things don't add up. I mean, I once spent three days on an account because there was an error of 8 cents. So you can see how something like this would annoy me. I mean, why does he never leave the bridge?
Lt. Morton Krim: Attack a cruiser? With what?
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: [digs out a bundle of dynamite from under some deck boards] Saving that for just the proper occasion. Mind you, it's not going to be easy. We'll have to surprise her. Maneuver in close, aim amidships for the engines. Trust me to do that.
Lt. Morton Krim: But even if we could get close enough to... I mean, I mean - then what? A cruiser, with all those guns... she'd sink us like a stone.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: There are worse things than dying in the service of one's country, Number One. The Japanese rather prize it. And I must say, after 28 years in this bloody ship, I could do with a little eternal rest myself.
Lt. Morton Krim: You're inhuman!
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Aha! At last you've got a grasp of the matter, Number One.
Cook 3: [referring to Cmdr. Finchhaven] He's dead, huh? I knew there was something fishy about him.
Cmdr. John Finchhaven, RN: Well, my lovebirds, we're in the picture. It's them or us. Are you going below to man the engines? Or would you prefer to be blown apart without a chance?
Lt. Morton Krim: That's a terrific choice.
Lt. Morton Krim: [ponders for a moment] Okay! We'll man the engines! Why not? A certified public accountant and a lady garage owner heroically attempt to sink a Japanese cruiser. I hope the President will be very pleased!