Charlie Cartwright: [Talking to the tour group on the bus] This tiny country of Holland is famous for Rembrandt, the tulip, the Edam cheese... also for Van Gogh, Dutch chocolate, Dutch beer, Dutch cleanser, the Dutch treat, the Dutch door, the Dutch uncle... In fact, folks, you're in Dutch!

Fred Ferguson: [angrily frustrated, to a clueless Italian cobbler] Tan! Y'understand tan?

Charlie Cartwright: [Trying to convince Samantha to stay with him in Europe] Don't go back, Sam.

Samantha Perkins: Charlie, I'm a square. I have to know where I'm headed. I can't just drift.

Charlie Cartwright: Sam Perkins?

Samantha Perkins: Uh, that's Samantha.

Charlie Cartwright: Oh, I'm sorry, they've abbreviated it here. Is that Miss or Mrs.?

Samantha Perkins: Miss.

Charlie Cartwright: [smiling] Which is as good as a mile, eh?

Jack's co-worker: I don't understand it. How can you blow every penny you've saved for years on one lousy trip to Europe?

Jack Harmon: Because that's where I had the best time of my life: WORLD WAR TWO!