The Odd Couple (1970–1975)
Tony Randall: Felix Unger, Grandpa Unger, 3 spirits, Bob Cratchit, Jacob Marley, Morris Unger
Photos
Quotes
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Felix Unger : [to woman on witness stand] Ah... you *assumed*. My dear, you should never *assume*. You see, when you *assume*
[writes the word "assume" on a blackboard]
Felix Unger : , you make an *ass*... out of *you*... and *me*.
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Oscar Madison : You want brown juice or green juice?
Felix Unger : What's the difference?
Oscar Madison : Three weeks.
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[Oscar's girlfriend is trying to get him to lose weight]
Oscar Madison : Honey, that's fun fat. Everybody has that.
Felix Unger : I don't.
Oscar Madison : You don't have any fun either.
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[repeated line]
Felix Unger : Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
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Felix Unger : Everyone thinks I'm a hypochondriac. It makes me sick.
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Felix Unger : What do you dream about?
Oscar Madison : Living alone.
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Felix Unger : What are you doing?
Oscar Madison : Sterilizing the wound.
Felix Unger : With beer?
Oscar Madison : It's got alcohol in it.
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Oscar Madison : You ruined my wine.
Felix Unger : Here's a dollar. Buy another three bottles.
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[pointing under the bed]
Felix Unger : There are things growing under there!
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Felix Unger : She likes... David Cassidy better than me!
[Despondent that his daughter, Edna, isn't speaking to him]
Oscar Madison : So do I!
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[when Oscar opens a suitcase from his closet, clothes fall out]
Felix Unger : What's that?
Oscar Madison : Guess I forgot to unpack from the last trip.
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Felix Unger : [while doing a commercial] I am a dramatization of a doctor.
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[repeated line]
Felix Unger : [to Oscar] Let this be on your head.
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Felix Unger : The man puts his ketchup on his salad.
Oscar Madison : So? I like ketchup. It's like tomato wine.
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Felix Unger : I'm going to the studio to pick up the gauntlet he threw down.
Murray Greshler : You're so tidy.
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Felix Unger : Everything you've ever owned is on that bed.
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Howard Cosell : [pointing to Oscar] Either he leaves or I leave.
Felix Unger : [turning to Oscar] Leave!
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Felix Unger : [repeated line, whenever he's offended by one of Oscar's remarks] FORGIVE me!
