Vernell Bird: Bubba, how come you didn't come home when Daddy died?

Norwood Pratt: Well, I tried to get a leave but it was just too far away to get back in time.

Bill Bird: Listen, it was a damned good, all round funeral. Your poor sister fainted twice.

Vernell Bird: Oh, everybody said Daddy looked so nice there at the end. You know, the funeral home, they scrubbed him all down with Boraxso and everything and all that grease from the filling station was just gone. I never seen him look so clean.

Bill Bird: It is a known fact that your most virile male is bald. You take your American eagle - he's bald.