Doris: Who gave you permission to read my panties?

Felix: Doris, you're a sexual Disneyland.

Doris: I may be a prostitute but I am NOT promiscuous!

Doris: Hey, Felix, do you want to fool around?

Felix: No, I do NOT want to fool around.

Doris: Okay. Do you want a drink of water?

Doris: [Heard off-screen in the soundtrack to CYCLE SLUTS] What are you doing? What's that for? What are you going to do with that? What's that THING? And what's that other thing? Where ya gonna put that? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. You can't do that.

[Screams]

Doris: No, not with both of 'em. You can't, I tell ya. You can't. Can you? Oh, maybe you can. My God, you could!

Felix: I don't write to make money.

Doris: But, you'd take it if they gave it to ya, wouldn't ya?

Felix: Yes. But, it would be inconsistent with my aesthetic responsibilities.

Doris: I understood "with" and "my".

Doris: What about last night?

Felix: What ABOUT last night?

Doris: When we made love. Wasn't that good for you?

Felix: You've got your terminology confused, Doris. That was not making love.

Doris: Well, whatever it was it beat the hell out of drying the dishes!

Felix: What we did was to get a fast thrill.

Doris: No. One time is a fast thrill. Six times is making love.

Felix: I'm extremely sorry but I don't know the story to "The Sound Of Music".

Doris: Oh no, that's terrible.

Felix: You thought "The Sound Of Music" was terrible?

Doris: Four times I saw that terrible movie.

Felix: You must have really hated it.

Doris: I saw it with my friend Eleanor at the Loew's King now torn down. It was playing continuous, no intermission. Get it?

Felix: I don't think so.

Doris: Her bladder burst.

Felix: Did you ever try reading a book?

Doris: A book! Oh yeah, yeah, I used to read Playboy all the time until I got mad at them.

Felix: Why?

Doris: Well, you know, I posed for these, eh, terrific, eh, playmate of the month thing, you know.

Felix: Yeah, what happened?

Doris: They sent them back.

Felix: They would give me money to write THEIR way. I want to write MY way!

Doris: Well, I guess they figure it's THEIR money.

Felix: Yes, I think that's the way they figure.

Doris: This is a double bed.

Felix: I know.

Doris: I always feel so selfish sleeping alone in a double bed, when there are people in China sleeping on the ground.

Doris: Hey, how come you and Miss Weyderhaus

[referring to Felix's pianist fiancee]

Doris: don't mess around?

Felix: I told you.

Doris: What? She's very fragile. She's fragile, right?

Felix: She's worried... she's worried about her hands. She doesn't want to hurt her hands.

Doris: She could wear boxing gloves.

Doris: [to Felix through the door] Swear! Swear that you are just a little fruit all alone in the hall.

Doris: [Felix and Doris are stoned in the bathtub; sound of door closing] Was that a door?

Felix: That was a door.

Doris: Did someone come in?

Felix: Unless one of us went out.

Doris: [sound of someone calling out] That is a DEFINITE person.

Felix: Correct.

Felix: Doris, you're a sexual Disneyland!