[repeated line]

Rudi: Nothing but crazy people.

Paul Förster: Rudi, what should we do in this hotel?

Rudi: You have to phone Munich and I want to eat something.

Paul Förster: But we have no money.

Rudi: With money everyone can phone and eat.

Poldi: Grützewohl at the Wörthersee.

Rudi: [disguised as a woman] You are a Swiss?

Poldi: Only when I am excited. Regularly I am very sober.

Kellner: [offering the menue] I am sorry, ladies, at that time of day we only have cold meals.

Rudi: [disguised as a woman] Then turn on the heat. And bring us everything that is written on the left side.

Kellner: I am sorry, ladies. On the left side are the meals and on the right side the prices.

Rudi: [disguised as a woman] That's what I mean. We want only what is on the left. Not what is on the right.

Poldi: Nothing is worse than a hotel that runs well.

Uschi: Why?

Poldi: In a good hotel surely there are guests. And guests are like coffin nails and for that you need a hammer. I mean you need staff.

Uschi: I just wanted to offer myself as a hammer for you.

Beppo: [brings food to Uschi, discover that she actually has a twin] Oh, I see twice again

[about to leave]

UschiMuschi: [together] Snack.

Beppo: Thank you.

[leaves the food on the chair and leaves]

Christian: Mr. Storz, can I speak to you?

Mr. Storz: No. Out you can go. Out you may go. Out you should go. Get out!

Hotel guest: [Mr. Poldi told the guest that all rooms are full and there is no vacancy] So you don't have a bed?

Poldi: No beds? I have 228 beds. But someone is lying in each one of them.

Paul Förster: Spain. Land of the sun, the oranges, the bullfights and: the senoritas. Therefore I can only say "Ole". I mean "Olé".

Eva Winter: You don't have to convince me on a Spain trip. I'm not a customer.

Paul Förster: Too bad Miss Eva, too bad. YOu know exactly how much I would like to check out with you if it is all true what is written in the brochures about Spain.

Eva Winter: I can imagine what you and your charming friend mean by "checking".

Paul Förster: Then you have a dirty fantasy, Miss Eva.

Eva Winter: There are good girls too.

Paul Förster: I wonder why.

Random Woman: [to the police officer who is barely dressed] That one is nude.

Inspektor Grassinger: [grabs her bathrobe from her body and puts it on] Not anymore.

Mr. Storz: I want to talk to the hotel owner.

Poldi: I am sorry, he can't get you a room either. We are full like a toilet during the grape season.

Mr. Storz: [orders the waiter to saw a hole into a boat with Mr. Poldi and Rudi to sink it] You are a sawfish.

Kellner: Yes sir, a sawfish.

Mr. Storz: [screaming] Yes, you are a sawfish.

Rudi: [the waiter wants to take away the menu, Rudi is disguised as a woman] No, I'd like to keep this. I like to read before eating.

Mr. Storz: [calling Eva with an angry voice] Miss Eva. Dear Miss Eva. My very special dear Miss Eva.

Mr. Storz: [sees Paul, grins angrily, rubs his hands] Mr. Förster. Dear Mr. Förster. My very special dear Mr. Förster.

[runs after Paul]

Poldi: [about Mrs. Himmelreich] This is the woman I dreamed about my whole life.

Beppo: [to Andre] Then he probably wasn't sleeping very well.