Father Oliver Van Horne: Desolate place, isn't it?
Emmet: If God had wanted to give the world an enema, he'd have stuck the nozzle in here.
Father Oliver Van Horne: What's your opinion of priests?
Emmet: Well, what would you think of a man who wears skirts or a celibate who wants to be called "Father"?
Father Oliver Van Horne: Why in hell can't I learn to mind my own business?
Father Oliver Van Horne: I would suggest that you not be here when he wakes up.
Jennings: Where would you suggest I go?
Father Oliver Van Horne: To Hell.
Jennings: [Looking out at an execution by firing squad] A bullring. What a terrible place to die.
Father Oliver Van Horne: Well, you've got a choice. Firing squad or your Irish friend. How would you like to die?
Jennings: From natural causes, naturally.
Father Oliver Van Horne: I don't wish any of you to risk your lives. Instead, I ask each of you to go to your homes and pray for me. That I may be brave and resolute in bringing to Tomas de la Plata the wrath of God.
Emmet: Now, if you'd made it Irish whiskey...
Jennings: We'll get along famously.
Emmet: Holy Saint Patrick!
Jennings: [laughing] It's... it's the resurrection, and I didn't even wait three days!
Col. Santilla: It's not often I have such distinguished guests- men straight from the gates of Hell.
Jennings: Life is full of constant surprises!
Father Oliver Van Horne: One missing. One drunk. Swell.
Father Oliver Van Horne: God works in mysterious ways.
Jennings: [laughing and wheezing] They think they'll make a hero out of me.
Father Oliver Van Horne: A strange country where they celebrate the Day of the Dead.
Emmet: Not so strange - when their lives on this earth are Hell and the Church promises nothing but eternal happiness in the hereafter.
Father Oliver Van Horne: Irisher?
Emmet: As ever was, Father.
Father Oliver Van Horne: Well, in that case, you deserve forgiveness.
Jennings: Good scotch whiskey, Mr. Keogh. A commodity in short supply in Latin America, God knows, but in the States with their quaint custom of Prohibition - scotch whiskey, sir - is liquid gold!
Emmet: In Mexico, they've had their revolution and there's no Prohibition and that sounds lovely to me!
Father Oliver Van Horne: Well, damn my eyes! Now, why didn't I think of that?
Father Oliver Van Horne: Sweet Jesus! I never saw such God damn fantastic country!
[points to Chero in the back seat]
Father Oliver Van Horne: Oh, yeah. I keep forgettin'. I am God damn sorry, Miss Aymara. Which way?
[Chero points to the right]
Father Oliver Van Horne: Okay, Minnehaha, you know the neighborhood.
Col. Santilla: So, gentlemen, you have been selected as my - unholy trinity. The Father, the son, and the wholly, totally, corrupt - Jennings.
Jennings: For believing him, one moment, I baptize me a dull, gullible, blithering idiot.
Father Oliver Van Horne: Do you want to hear my confession, boy? There aren't enough beads in the rosary or enough 'Hail, Marys' to weep away my sins. I am the lost lamb, the prodigal who is fed up, choked, with you and all the rest of this. I was their patsy. Five years, boy - with ordainment at the end of it. I thought that meant to live as He lived. I chased the merchants from the temple, as He did. The merchants went right back to the bishop. The bishop went back to the priest and he straightened him out. He spake not in parables. The poor are with us always. It's the rich that like collection plates. It seems that if a priest tries to live in His image, he can be declared heretic and excommunicated by the bishop. Bum rap.
Jurado: Every half hour we will kill another. Next, it will be the Indian whore. We wait for you, priest. We wait for you!
Jennings: From religion, love and sex, it can all be the same thing.
Señora De La Plata: You must let him go, Tomas. He is a man of God!
De La Plata Double: Then let God help him.
Jennings: Life is full of little surprises.
De La Plata: I'm afraid I shan't be able to accompany you tomorrow. However, my mother is fully qualified to escort you.
Señora De La Plata: Where will you be, Tomas?
De La Plata: Well, I shall be trying to catch a clever fox. There is a Col. Santilla. He may seize upon your visit as a diversion to have his revolutionaries invade Mojada. For all I know you may be the cheese to bait his trap.
Señora De La Plata: God did not cease to exist because one priest, of a thousand priests, failed him.
Señora De La Plata: Rather than replace this equipment, perhaps we should mine vertically.