Father Oliver Van Horne: Desolate place, isn't it?

Emmet: If God had wanted to give the world an enema, he'd have stuck the nozzle in here.

Father Oliver Van Horne: What's your opinion of priests?

Emmet: Well, what would you think of a man who wears skirts or a celibate who wants to be called "Father"?

Delgado: Let her speak for herself. What's the difference in a name. The important thing is you are a woman!

[slaps Chero's behind]

Nacho: Sergeant, please. She cannot speak.

Delgado: A woman who cannot speak - cannot complain!

Emmet: That was one hell of a mass, Father!

Father Oliver Van Horne: I have a small confession to make. All is not quite what it seems.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Why in hell can't I learn to mind my own business?

Father Oliver Van Horne: Just what the hell kind of game do you think you're playing?

Emmet: She goes with us.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Over my dead body she does.

Emmet: [points gun at Van Horne] Oh, that can be arranged.

Father Oliver Van Horne: I would suggest that you not be here when he wakes up.

Jennings: Where would you suggest I go?

Father Oliver Van Horne: To Hell.

Jennings: [Looking out at an execution by firing squad] A bullring. What a terrible place to die.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Well, you've got a choice. Firing squad or your Irish friend. How would you like to die?

Jennings: From natural causes, naturally.

Emmet: Come on, fat man!

Jennings: My size is due to a glandular condition, Mr. Keogh, and is a subject on which I harbor absolutely no sensitivity.

Father Oliver Van Horne: I don't wish any of you to risk your lives. Instead, I ask each of you to go to your homes and pray for me. That I may be brave and resolute in bringing to Tomas de la Plata the wrath of God.

Emmet: Now, if you'd made it Irish whiskey...

Jennings: We'll get along famously.

Emmet: Holy Saint Patrick!

Jennings: [laughing] It's... it's the resurrection, and I didn't even wait three days!

Col. Santilla: It's not often I have such distinguished guests- men straight from the gates of Hell.

Jennings: Life is full of constant surprises!

Father Oliver Van Horne: What do you say to a drink?

Jennings: I never touch the rotten stuff except when I'm alone or with people.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Of course.

Father Oliver Van Horne: One missing. One drunk. Swell.

De La Plata: You were going to have a very lonely walk, priest.

Father Oliver Van Horne: You're here. That's most important of all.

De La Plata: I had thought suicide was a mortal sin, priest.

Father Oliver Van Horne: What does he want?

Nacho: You, Father. He just wants you.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Somebody get my bag. It's in the car.

Emmet: Where are you going?

Father Oliver Van Horne: To kill Tomas de la Plata.

Father Oliver Van Horne: What the Hell? We three once faced a firing squad together. Anything after that's just borrowed time.

Jennings: God protects fools and drunks, not idiots.

Father Oliver Van Horne: God works in mysterious ways.

Jennings: [laughing and wheezing] They think they'll make a hero out of me.

Jennings: Which way is north?

Moreno: That way, Señor.

Jennings: Mexico, here I come. Coming through!

[Thinking]

Jennings: All my life I could have played it safe. Think of all the fun I would have missed.

Chela: Emmet?

Emmet: For heaven's sake, woman. Don't speak now!

Father Oliver Van Horne: [laughing] Well, I'll be goddamned.

Señora De La Plata: What is it, Father?

Father Oliver Van Horne: It's... a gospel... according to Van Horne.

Father Oliver Van Horne: A strange country where they celebrate the Day of the Dead.

Emmet: Not so strange - when their lives on this earth are Hell and the Church promises nothing but eternal happiness in the hereafter.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Irisher?

Emmet: As ever was, Father.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Well, in that case, you deserve forgiveness.

Emmet: Drink with the devil and smile.

Jennings: Let bygones be bygones, we'll drink to the future.

Jennings: Good scotch whiskey, Mr. Keogh. A commodity in short supply in Latin America, God knows, but in the States with their quaint custom of Prohibition - scotch whiskey, sir - is liquid gold!

Emmet: In Mexico, they've had their revolution and there's no Prohibition and that sounds lovely to me!

Father Oliver Van Horne: Well, damn my eyes! Now, why didn't I think of that?

Emmet: *My* article of faith, Father - my gun.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Adios, my sacrilegious friend.

Delgado: There are restrictions on travel - even for priests!

Father Oliver Van Horne: I have credentials.

[pulls out a machine gun and mows down the bandits]

Father Oliver Van Horne: Sweet Jesus! I never saw such God damn fantastic country!

Emmet: Father.

[points to Chero in the back seat]

Father Oliver Van Horne: Oh, yeah. I keep forgettin'. I am God damn sorry, Miss Aymara. Which way?

[Chero points to the right]

Father Oliver Van Horne: Okay, Minnehaha, you know the neighborhood.

Col. Santilla: So, gentlemen, you have been selected as my - unholy trinity. The Father, the son, and the wholly, totally, corrupt - Jennings.

Col. Santilla: Do you wish to say grace, Father? Say the grace.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Rub-a-dub-dub. Thanks for the grub.

Col. Santilla's Officer: Is there anything else you require?

Father Oliver Van Horne: I could do with a woman. Not too young, mind you. One that knows what its all about.

[picks up a liquor bottle]

Father Oliver Van Horne: I just might need a couple of more bottles of holy water.

Jennings: What was that all about?

Father Oliver Van Horne: Behind every unsuccessful man, there's a woman.

Emmet: We saved her from being raped, that's all.

Father Oliver Van Horne: And look where it got us.

Emmet: I'll take a round for us now.

Jurado: Get rid of that Indian whore by your side, first. Better yet, I'll take her, outside. Indian whore is better in the dirt.

Jennings: For believing him, one moment, I baptize me a dull, gullible, blithering idiot.

Father Oliver Van Horne: Do you want to hear my confession, boy? There aren't enough beads in the rosary or enough 'Hail, Marys' to weep away my sins. I am the lost lamb, the prodigal who is fed up, choked, with you and all the rest of this. I was their patsy. Five years, boy - with ordainment at the end of it. I thought that meant to live as He lived. I chased the merchants from the temple, as He did. The merchants went right back to the bishop. The bishop went back to the priest and he straightened him out. He spake not in parables. The poor are with us always. It's the rich that like collection plates. It seems that if a priest tries to live in His image, he can be declared heretic and excommunicated by the bishop. Bum rap.

Jurado: Every half hour we will kill another. Next, it will be the Indian whore. We wait for you, priest. We wait for you!

Jennings: From religion, love and sex, it can all be the same thing.

Emmet: We've got to do something.

Jennings: All answers lie at the bottom of a bottle.

Señora De La Plata: You must let him go, Tomas. He is a man of God!

De La Plata Double: Then let God help him.

Jennings: Life is full of little surprises.

De La Plata: I'm afraid I shan't be able to accompany you tomorrow. However, my mother is fully qualified to escort you.

Señora De La Plata: Where will you be, Tomas?

De La Plata: Well, I shall be trying to catch a clever fox. There is a Col. Santilla. He may seize upon your visit as a diversion to have his revolutionaries invade Mojada. For all I know you may be the cheese to bait his trap.

Señora De La Plata: Have you been associated together long?

Jennings: Longer than I care to recall, Señora.

Emmet: Oh, he's too modest. If it weren't for Mr. Jennings, I wouldn't be here at all.

Señora De La Plata: God did not cease to exist because one priest, of a thousand priests, failed him.

Señora De La Plata: Forgive me, Father. I did not mean to put your life in jeopardy.

Father Oliver Van Horne: What God wills for me here, is God's will, Señora. None of your doing.

Father Oliver Van Horne: God bless you, my son.

Emmet: I am not your son!

Father Oliver Van Horne: Thank God for that.

Señora De La Plata: Rather than replace this equipment, perhaps we should mine vertically.

De La Plata: Why are you here?

Señora De La Plata: Because God is here.

De La Plata: That man is not God. I've come to kill him.

Señora De La Plata: Then kill me too! If one more priest is killed in my name, I swear, I'll die with him.