Trelkovsky: If you cut off my head, what would I say... Me and my head, or me and my body? What right has my head to call itself me?

Trelkovsky: [while looking at himself in the mirror] Beautiful. Adorable. Goddess. Divine. Divine! I think I'm pregnant.

Trelkovsky: [to child] Filthy little brat!

[slaps child]

Trelkovsky: I am not Simone Choule!

Stella: Why don't you take your tie off? You look like you're choking to death.

Trelkovsky: I found a tooth in my apartment. It was in a hole.

Trelkovsky: These days, relationships with neighbors can be... quite complicated. You know, little things that get blown up out of all proportion? You know what I mean?

Stella's Friend: No, no I don't. I mind my own business.

Trelkovsky: [talking to himself]

[he opens a box and takes out a pair of shoes]

Trelkovsky: Oh! My! Where did you find these? They are beautiful! A size 68? I had *no* idea!

Trelkovsky: You want me to do it again? I shall do it again! You did not like it the first time.

[shouts]

Trelkovsky: Simone Choule does not disappoint!