Soap (1977–1981)
Richard Mulligan: Burt Campbell
Photos
Quotes
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Burt : Seven of my guys are going to be off today 'cause it's a Jewish holiday and I'm gonna have to do all their jobs. What really gets me is that I don't think they're all Jewish... two of them are black and one's an Indian.
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[in a sex therapist's office]
Dr Medlow : What seems to be the problem?
Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell : Burt can't have sex with me.
Burt : Great. Why don't you tell the whole world, Mary. Or better yet put it in the Yellow Pages under Burt.
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Burt : [about the alien who will be impersonating him] Is he - is he gonna sleep with my wife?
Chief Alien Creature : Why do you think he's jumping up and down? He has not had sex for two thousand years!
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Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell : [at the sex therapist's office] This is a perfectly normal office.
Burt : Normal, huh? Take a look at some of these books: "Sexual Perversion: Fact or Fiction" Normal? "Sexuality in Infancy" Oh, I like that one a lot. "The Frigid Woman", "The Impotent Male" - I have to get out of here.
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Burt : [Burt has been kidnapped by space aliens, and informed that one of them is going to be sent down to live in his house] He's not gonna, uh... umm... uh...
Space Alien : Sleep with your wife? Of course! Why do you think he's jumping up and down? He has not had sex for 2,000 years.
