Elliot Garfield: I just met Lucy.
Paula McFadden: What did you tell her?
Elliot Garfield: That I was moving into the other room. She seemed to take it in stride.
Paula McFadden: You grow up fast in this apartment. The john is right over there. I'll get the rest of her things out in the morning.
Elliot Garfield: Would you like to stop grinding your teeth for two seconds? The noise is driving me crazy.
Paula McFadden: A dripping stranger from Chicago with a wet beard and dirty shoes moves into my daughter's room and you expect smiles?
Elliot Garfield: I think you're dynamite, you know that? I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first class.
Paula McFadden: This is your room. I do not clean or make beds. You may use the kitchen or the bathroom when I am not in it and wash it up when you are through. You pay for your own food, laundry, linens and phone bills. I would appreciate some quiet between six and nine as that is when Lucy does her homework and I don't care what you drink or smoke. As long as it is not grass in front of my 10 year old daughter. Now, we have everything straight?
Elliot Garfield: No.
Paula McFadden: No?
Elliot Garfield: No. I'm not crazy about the arrangements.
Paula McFadden: You're not.
Elliot Garfield: Definitely not. I am paying the rent, I will make-a-da rules. I like to take showers every morning and I don't like the panties drying on the rod. I like to cook so I will use the kitchen whenever I damn well please and I am very particular about my condiments so, keep your salt and pepper to yourself. I also play the guitar in the middle of the night whenever I cannot sleep and I meditate every morning complete with chanting and burning incense so if you've got to walk around I'd appreciate a little tip-toeing. Also, I sleep in the nude. Au buffo. Winter and summer, rain or snow with the windows open and because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night and because I don't want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place... unless you're looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education I would keep my door closed. Thems my rules and regulations, how does that grab you?
Paula McFadden: And if I say no?
Elliot Garfield: I've got this lawyer acquaintance downtown.
Paula McFadden: Errr, I accept.
Elliot Garfield: We're movin' right along.
Paula McFadden: I don't like it and I don't think I like you.
Elliot Garfield: Because I'm an actor?
Paula McFadden: Coupled with your personality.
Elliot Garfield: Well, that's probably why we were thrown together. One of God's little jests. Now if you will move your shapely little fanny out of my room I will unpack and dry my beard. Miss McFadden, you forgt to say goodnight.
Paula McFadden: I was working on good-bye.
Elliot Garfield: [muttering under his breath] Unbelievable!