Quotes (28)

Corky: There was never me, only us.

Fats: Schmucko... us was you.

Corky: ...Wha...?

Fats: It was you the whole time... I hope I don't die first, is all...

Corky: We'll go together, chances are...

Fats: Yeah...

Ben Greene: Sadie, what's the first rule for being an agent?

Sadie: Never forget an actor killed Lincoln.

Ben Greene: Head of the class!

Fats: They'll put you somewhere dark and mooo-dy...

Corky: "Take two, they're big." Do remember when you said that to me Ben?

Ben Greene: A pro never forgets his good lines, kid.

Corky: I'd like to say that goin' to bed with you is maybe the best three things that ever happened to me. And I'd love some coffee. And I adore you. And I take it with cream and sugar. And your breasts belong in the Louvre, which is a museum in Paris that I plan on visiting with you once you get wise and decide to leave the old ear-blower.

Fats: Hey, you know what I think?

Corky: What do you think?

Fats: We're gonna be a staaaaaaar!

Corky: There's snapping turtles out there! And once there was a water moccasin scare.

Fats: I don't care if the Loch ness monster's out there and he's ravenous.

Ben Greene: Hey kid. I'm gonna ask you to do something. It's a little something anybody oughta be able to do. Now if you can do it fine, we'll forget this whole thing, but if you can't we'll think about getting you to see somebody fast. Is it a deal?

Corky: Name it!

Ben Greene: Make Fats shut up for five minutes.

Corky: [awkward pause] Five minutes? I can make him shut up for five years.

Ben Greene: Wonderful.

[looks at watch]

Corky: [puts Fats aside] I feel like the village idiot, if you want to know the truth. Can we talk, or is it going to be strictly semaphore?


Corky: How long so far?

Ben Greene: [readying a cigar] It's uh... Thirty seconds.

Corky: Gosh, that's uh... four-and-a-half minutes to go! Think I'll make it? Don't happen to have another of those, do you?

[receives a cigar]

Corky: Thanks. "Take two, they're big." Remember when you said that, Ben?

Ben Greene: A pro never forgets his good lines, kid.

Corky: How long now?

Ben Greene: Comin' up two minutes.

Corky: You think we'll laugh about this someday?

Corky: Might.

Corky: [starting to talk nervously faster] Make a terrific scene if you ever decide to write your autobiography. Hey, I know what you should call it! "Failing Upwards", or "How to Succeed in Show Business by Outliving Everybody".


Corky: Two minutes yet?

Ben Greene: A minute forty-five.

Corky: This is very cruel of you, you know that?

Ben Greene: I don't mean it to be.

Corky: I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you.

Ben Greene: Well that would be sad.

Corky: Time?

Ben Greene: It's two-and-a-half minutes to go.

Corky: [pause] I can't make it.

Ben Greene: Well, I didn't think you could.

Fats: [snatched by Corky, and talking rapidly] Hello everybody! This is Mister Norman Maine! My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you! You have nothing to fear but fear itself, nothing to give but blood, sweat, and tears, nothing to lose but your change! Here he is boys, here he is world - heeeeeere's FATS!

Fats: [to Corky as he returns from Peggy Ann's] So how was the orgy? Didja score?

Fats: Fasten your seatbelts, everybody. It's going to be a bumpy night.

Corky: I tried to stop him.

Fats: Tried... tried... ya failed!

Fats: Stop the Postman!

Corky: How? How? With what?

Fats: Me! Me! Me! Me! Meeee!

Fats: Whoo, she goosed me!

Peggy Ann Snow: [crying hysterically] Were you laughing every SECOND?

Corky: Peg, I...

Peggy Ann Snow: Was I FUNNY, you bastard son-of-a-bitch?

Ben Greene: Corky has turned impossible, I don't believe it. Well, I should have been a cesspool cleaner like my mama wanted.

Corky: [answering the phone] Hello?

Ben Greene: I've been having meetings for hours. I couldn't budge 'em, Cork.

Corky: I thought you said they wanted me?

Ben Greene: Well they do, Cork, but...

Corky: [raising voice] Didn't you explain about the principle?

Ben Greene: Now kid, this is network policy, it's legal policy. Now I'm sitting here with three of our genius lawyers. Their IQ's alone must total up to 100. Now we have called NBC a dozen times, and they are not, I repeat not, about to spend a half a million bucks only to find out on taping day that there's some kind of health problem.

Corky: [yelling] There's no problem!

Ben Greene: Corky...

Corky: Make 'em understand!

[hangs up]

Ben Greene: Is this why you wouldn't take the medical exam? you figured someone would find out?

Corky: Peggy Ann Snow, Peggy Ann Snow, Please let me follow wherever you go.

Fats: Hey, Corky? I'm feeling light-headed.

Corky: [Ben Greene has asked Corky to go five minutes without using Fats to talk to prove his sanity. He has gone 2 minutes] I can't make it...

Corky: What would you say if I... called the police?

Fats: You ain't bein' logical.

Ben Greene: It's just success, kid. You want success but you're afraid of it. It happens to everybody at this stage.

Ben Greene: You're only chance is to get help as quickly as possible and that's what I'm going to see happens.

Corky: I don't think I want to take the medical exam.

Ben Greene: You're father got his job first working because of me you little fart, so don't talk to me about what sells.

Ben Greene: Corky, girls are for later there for down the road.

Corky: Some of them panicked before they got up to perform.

Corky: How do you think I rehearse?