Up in Smoke (1978)

Tommy Chong: Man

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Man Stoner : [on police radio]  Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, can you hear me?

  Clyde - Narc : Hello, headquarters? Hello, headquarters? Come in, headquarters. This is Officer Clive... we are...

  Sgt. Stedenko : Use the codename! The codename!

  Clyde - Narc : Headquarters, headquarters come in, please. The is Codename Hardhead.

  Sgt. Stedenko : Hat! Hardhat! Give me that! Hello, radio dispatch? This is Codename Hardhat, Codename Hardhat, do you read me? Over.

  Man Stoner : Was that Lardass?

  Sgt. Stedenko : Hardhat! Codename Hardhat! Do you read, radio dispatch?

  Man Stoner : Hey, I got somethin' for ya, Lardass!

  Sgt. Stedenko : Hardhat! Hard... Hat! Do you understand?

  Pedro : Lardass, Lardass!

  Sgt. Stedenko : Hardhat! Radio dispatch, do you know who this is?

  Pedro : Naw, who is this is?

  Sgt. Stedenko : This is Sergeant Stedenko!

  Pedro : Oh yeah, you know who this is?

  Sgt. Stedenko : No!

  Pedro : Bye-bye, Lardass!

• Pedro : Man, what is in this shit, man?

  Man Stoner : Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.

  Pedro : What's Labrador?

  Man Stoner : It's dog shit.

  Pedro : What?

  Man Stoner : Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.

  Pedro : Yeah?

  Man Stoner : I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?

  Pedro : You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?

  Man Stoner : Gets ya high, don't it?

  [Song, "Rockin' Robin" plays...] 

  Man Stoner : I think it's even better than before, you know?

  Pedro : Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.

• Man Stoner : Hey, hey, I got somethin' that'll mellow you out, man. You're just freakin' out. Here, here...

  Pedro : [panting]  I never smoked no shit like that before.

  Man Stoner : Take these, man. Take these. This'll mellow you out, man.

  Pedro : What is this... What is that, man?

  Man Stoner : Just take 'em, man.

  [Pedro swallows whatever he was handed] 

  Man Stoner : Huh... Hey, hey, don't take *those*, man.

  Pedro : [...]  What?

  Man Stoner : I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.

  Pedro : Hey man, I already took 'em, man.

  Man Stoner : [laughing in astonishment]  Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...

  Pedro : Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?

  Man Stoner : Oh... HU-WOW, MAN!

  Pedro : Hey, what was in that shit, man?

  Man Stoner : You just ate the most acid I've ever seen anybody eat in my life!

  Pedro : Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.

  Man Stoner : Jeez, I hope you're not busy for about a month...

• [stoned cop walks up to the van, where Pedro and Man have been trying to switch who's driving] 

  Cop : What do you guys want?

  Pedro : Nothing.

  Cop : Hey, do you mind if I have a, bite of your hot dog?

  Pedro : Huh? No man, here, take the whole thing.

  [the cop takes a huge bite] 

  Pedro : Want some fritos?

  Cop : [through a mouthful of hot dog]  no, this is fine! Thank you! Hey, you fellas have a nice day, okay?

  Man Stoner : Hey man, what was that dude's trip? I mean what was he on, man?

  Pedro : Man, I don't know but I wish we had some of it!

• Pedro : I been smoking since I was born, man, I can smoke anything, man. You know like I smoke that Michoacán, and Acapulco Gold, man. I even smoke that tied stick, you know?

  Man Stoner : "Tied stick"?

  Pedro : Yeah, you know that stuff that's tied to a stick.

  Man Stoner : Ohh, THAI stick.

• [Man has disguised himself as a woman while hitchhiking] 

  Man Stoner : Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I slept in a ditch last night, man, I was about to freeze my balls off, man.

  Pedro de Pacas : Man, I didn't even know you had any, I wouldn't of stopped.

• Pedro : Hey how am I driving, man?

  Man Stoner : [looks around]  : I think we're parked.

• Man Stoner : [to Pedro, who is in the throes of panic]  HEY! MELLOW OUT, MAN!

• [after picking up Man, Pedro guns his car and takes off down the street] 

  Man Stoner : Ohhh! Ohhh!

  Pedro : Hey, how far you goin' man?

  Man Stoner : [points to the curb]  Hey, right here would be fine, man!

  Pedro : What, you're not afraid of a little speed, are ya man?

  Man Stoner : Wha, you got some speed, man?

  Pedro : Huh? Speed? Oh, no, I don't got no speed man. But you know what I do got? I got a joint man!

  Man Stoner : Oh, wow.

  Pedro : [gets it out and hands it to Man]  Here, light that thing up man, let's get chinese-eyed.

  Man Stoner : [eying the joint]  Kinda skinny, isn't it?

  Pedro : No, it's a heavy duty joint, man.

  Pedro : Kinda looks like a toothpick.

  Pedro : Naw, it's not a toothpick, man.

  Man Stoner : No, it IS a toothpick, man.

  [hands it back to Pedro] 

  Pedro : [looking at it, puzzled]  it IS a toothpick!... wait a minute man, I got the shit right here.

  [feels around in his pocket] 

  Pedro : huh... no, that's my dick.

  [feels around some more] 

  Pedro : , okay, here you go, man.

  [hands a skinny, curled up joint to Man] 

  Man Stoner : [looking at a dinky little joint]  Jeez, I hope your dick's bigger than this, man.

  Pedro : Hey man, you want to get out and walk, man?

• Man Stoner : [Cheech starts toking on the giant joint]  Toke, toke it up, man!

  Man Stoner : [Cheech starts choking]  Kinda grabs ya' by the boo-boo, don't it?

• Pedro : Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens.

  Man Stoner : What's the Immigration Service doing here, man?

  Pedro : My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.

• Man Stoner : Yeah, that 'Nam grass will fuck anyone up, man!

• Man : We don't even know any tunes yet, man.

  Pedro : What do you mean, man? We had two rehearsals, man. Besides, it's just punk rock, man. You know, you don't have to know how to play. All you just got to do is be a punk, man. We could do that.

  Man : Well, we got to get loaded first, though.

  Pedro : Yeah, we should get loaded.

• Man Stoner : No, hey man, if we're gonna wear uniforms man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.

  Pedro : Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something wear everybody wears something different man, but the same, you know?

• Pedro : I'm in a band, too, man.

  Man : Oh, are you?

  Pedro : Yeah, I'm a lead singer, man.

  Man : Wow, that's hip, man.

  Pedro : Yeah, we play everything from, like, Santana to El Chicano, man. You know, like, everything!

  [singing] 

  Pedro : Hey, I'm just a love machine, And I don't work for nobody but you, I'm just a love machine, And I don't work for nobody but you, Woman, when my temperature rise, And then I go for her thighs, And then I see guacamole in my shoes, Guacamole in my shoe.

• Pedro : Hey, what's happening?

  Man : How far are you going, man?

  Debbie : All the way.

  Pedro : All right. We're going there ourselves.

• Man Stoner : [Discovered, roach on an ashtray]  El roacho.

• Man Stoner : Man my legs hurt.

  Pedro : Yeah I bet!

• Pedro : Oh, what's that? She's hitchhiking. Hey, watch out. Coming over. Geronimo! Hey, double bubble. Come on, baby. I'll give you a ride. Let's go! Yeah, bend over. I'll drive you home, baby. Hey, you ain't a chick!

  Man : Yeah, I know.

• Pedro : Is that a joint, man? Like god damn! It looks like you got a Quarter Pounder, man. Led Zeppelin!

  Man : Hey, be careful with that shit, man.

  Pedro : What? Is it heavy stuff, man? Will it blow me away?

  Man : Better put your seatbelt on, man. I'll tell you that much.

• Man : Who lives here, man?

  Pedro : That's my cousin Strawberry, man. He's probably got some dope, man. He's always got the best smoke.

  Man : Oh, I hope so, man.

  Pedro : Yeah, well, he's cool. His only thing is, he's a little weird. You know, like, he went over to Vietnam, man, and he came back all weirded out, you know.

  Man : Yeah, well, that 'Nam grass will do it to you, man.

• Man : Hey, these uniforms are lame, man.

  Curtis : What chu mean lame, sucka?

  The Band: Bass - James : Hey, Pedro, man. Where's the white dude you say was playing the drums?

  Pedro : That's him, man.

• Pedro : Where'd you learn how to roll them big joints, man?

  Man : Hey, you like that, man?

  Pedro : Whoa! They're heavy.

  Man : Yeah, I used to be a roadie for the Doobie Brothers, you know.

  Pedro : What a groovy gig.

  Man : Yeah, I dug it.

• Pedro : I can't believe we can't find no grass nowhere, man.

  Man : That's 'cause too many people are smoking it now. And it really makes it tough on the rest of us.

• Debbie : Wow. This is a neat van.

  Pedro : Yeah. Want to see the rest of it?

  Debbie : Okay. Sure.

  Pedro : Yeah? Oh, hey. We'll go right back there. The rest of it is right back there. Go ahead. Hey, watch your step. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, right back there.

  Man : Hey, have fun at Magic Mountains.

  Pedro : Oh, yeah. I see London, I see France.

  [giggles] 

  Pedro : If I ain't out in three weeks, man, send a search party.

• Man : I don't feel so good, man.

  Pedro : Hey, come on, man. We're on in... Did you give him some pills?

  Jade East : Yeah, I gave him some pills, but I gave him ups.

  Pedro : Shit, man. Come on. Hey, how many fingers you see?

  Jade East : I think I fucked up.

  Pedro : Oh, shit. Anybody got any coffee or anything?

  Jade East : I got a popper. We could either, like, you know, party later or try to start his heart.