Life of Brian (1979)

Terence Bayler: Gregory

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Quotes 

• Spectator I : I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".

  Mrs. Gregory : Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?

  Gregory : Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

• Centurion : Where is Brian of Nazareth?

  Brian : You sanctimonious bastards!

  Centurion : I have an order for his release!

  Brian : You stupid bastards!

  Mr. Cheeky : Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.

  Brian : What?

  Mr. Cheeky : Yeah, I - I - I'm Brian of Nazareth.

  Centurion : Take him down!

  Brian : I'm Brian of Nazareth!

  Victim #1 : Eh, I'm Brian!

  Mr. Big Nose : I'm Brian!

  Victim #2 : Look, I'm Brian!

  Brian : I'm Brian!

  Victims : I'm Brian!

  Gregory : I'm Brian, and so's my wife!

  Victims : I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...

  Brian : I'm Brian of Nazareth!

  Centurion : All right. Take him away and release him.

  Mr. Cheeky : No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke!

• Mr. Big Nose : I'll get you for this, you bastard.

  Parvus : Oh, yeah?

  Mr. Big Nose : Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face.

  Parvus : No?

  Mr. Big Nose : I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git!

  Parvus : Shut up, you Jewish turd!

  Mr. Big Nose : Who are you calling Jewish? I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan!

  Gregory : A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section.

• Parvus : It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two.

  Gregory : It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling?

  Mrs. Gregory : Oh, rather.

  Gregory : Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area.