Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [Berger is pretending to be Buck, Con's older brother] Bucky, I didn't mean it! Bucky, I didn't mean it!

Dr. Berger: What?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I said put the sail down, but you said keep it starboard, and then we go over! And you say "Hang on, Hang on!", but then you let go! Why'd you let go?

Dr. Berger: Because I was tired!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh yeah? Well, screw you, you jerk!

Dr. Berger: [Back in reality] It hurts to be mad at him, doesn't it?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: God, I loved him. It's not fair. You just do one wrong thing, and...

Dr. Berger: And what was the one wrong thing you did? You know. You know.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I hung on. I stayed with the boat.

Dr. Berger: Exactly.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Well, don't admire people too much. They'll disappoint you sometimes.

Beth Jarrett: Calvin? Why are you crying? Can I, uh... can I get you something?

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I don't...

Beth Jarrett: What did you say? Calvin, what did you say? Tell me!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: You are beautiful. And you are unpredictable. But you're so cautious. You're determined, Beth; but you know something? You're not strong. And I don't know if you're really giving. Tell me something. Do you love me? You really love me?

Beth Jarrett: I feel the way I've always felt about you.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: We would have been alright, if there hadn't been any mess. But you can't handle mess. You need everything neat and easy. I don't know. Maybe you can't love anybody. It was so much Buck. When Buck died, it was as if you buried all your love with him, and I don't understand that, I just don't know, I don't... maybe it wasn't even Buck; maybe it was just you. Maybe, finally, it was the best of you that you buried. But, whatever it was... I don't know who you are. And I don't know what we've been playing at. So I was crying. Because I don't know if I love you anymore. And I don't know what I'm going to do without that.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Anyway.

Jeannine: Hm, what?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh just anyway. It's a conversation starter.

Jeannine: Hm, catchy.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I knew you'd like it, I've been working on it all day.

Dr. Berger: Now you can live with that, can't you?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I'm so scared! I'm scared.

Dr. Berger: Feelings are scary. And sometimes they're painful. And if you can't feel pain, then you're not going to feel anything else, either. You know what I'm saying?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I think so.

Dr. Berger: You're here, and you're alive. And don't tell me you don't feel that.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: It doesn't feel good.

Dr. Berger: It is good, believe me.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: How do you know?

Dr. Berger: Because I'm your friend.

Jeannine: [In a McDonalds restaurant booth Conrad sits with Jeannine, the suicide attempt scars on Conrad's wrist are displayed] Did it hurt?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I don't remember, really.

Jeannine: You don't want to talk about it?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I've never really talked about it. To doctors. But, not to anyone else. You're the first who's asked.

Jeannine: Why did you do it?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Uh... I don't know. It was like... falling into a hole. It keeps getting bigger and bigger and you can't escape. All of a sudden, it's inside... and you're the hole. You're trapped. And it's all over. Something like that. It's not really scary... except when you think back on it. 'Cause you know what you were feeling...

Beth Jarrett: It's really important to try and hurt me isn't it?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Don't you have that backwards?

Beth Jarrett: Oh, and how do I hurt you? By embarrassing you in front of a friend? "Poor Beth, she has no idea what her son is up to, he lies and she believes every word of it."

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I didn't lie!

Beth Jarrett: You did! You lied every time you came into this house at 6.30! If its starting all over again, the lying, the covering up, the disappearing for hours, I won't stand for it, I can't stand for it, I really can't!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Well don't then! Go to Europe!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Connie!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No! The only reason she cares, the only reason she gives a fuck about it is because someone else knew about it first!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Just stop it Connie!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No! You tell her to stop it! You never tell her a goddamn thing! And I know why she never came to the hospital because she was too busy going to goddamn Spain and goddamn Portugal! Why should she care if I'm hung up by the balls out there!

Beth Jarrett: Maybe this is how they sit around and talk at the hospital, but we're not at the hospital.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You never came to the hospital! How do you know about the hospital!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Connie! Your mother did come to the hospital, you know she did, she had the flu and couldn't come inside but she came to the hospital!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: She never would have had any flu if Buck was in the hospital, she would have come if Buck was in the hospital!

Beth Jarrett: Buck never would have been in the hospital!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: He just wants to know that you don't hate him.

Beth Jarrett: Hate him! How could I hate him? Mothers don't hate their sons! Is that what he told you? You see how you believe everything he tells you? And you can't do the same for me, you can't! GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYONE WANTS FROM ME ANYMORE!

Ward: Beth, we don't want anything from you; Audrey, Cal, Connie and Me, we just want you to be happy.

Beth Jarrett: Happy! Ward, you tell me the definition of happy. But first you better make sure your kids are good and safe, that they haven't fallen of a horse, been hit by a car, or drown in that swimming pool you're so proud of!

Audrey: Oh Beth!

Beth Jarrett: Then, you come and tell me how to be happy!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: When I let myself feel, all I feel is lousy.

Dr. Berger: Oh well excuse me, I never promised you a rose garden.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh fuck you Berger.

Dr. Berger: What?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: FUCK YOU!

Dr. Berger: Hey, that's it!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Geez! You're really weird huh, what do you feel huh? Do you jerk off, or jack off, or whatever you call it?

Dr. Berger: What do you think?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: What do I think? I think you're married to a fat lady and you go home and you fuck the living daylights out of her!

Dr. Berger: Sounds good to me.

Karen: Conrad. Let's have a great Christmas. Let's have... a great year. Let's have the best year of our whole lives. We can, you know... this could be the best one ever.

Dr. Berger: A little advice about feelings kiddo; don't expect it always to tickle.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: [Inside his garage,Calvin Jarrett is just getting out of his car after a counseling session with his son Conrad's psychiatrist, Dr. Berger] What I'm... gonna say... will sound strange.

Beth Jarrett: What happened? Come inside.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Could we talk about Buck's funeral?

Beth Jarrett: Whaaaat?

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: It'll seem trivial. But, it's on my mind and I'd like to talk about it. When I was getting dressed for Buck's funeral...

Beth Jarrett: Calvin, what's the matter with you?

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Just let me get it off my chest,OK?

Beth Jarrett: What could getting dressed for Buck's funeral... have to do with anything, right now?

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I was wearing a blue shirt. You said, "wear a white shirt and the other shoes." It was nothing at the time, but, it seemed to stay with me. And I, for some reason, had been thinking about it and it suddenly occurred to me, what difference did it make what I wore to Buck's funeral?

Beth Jarrett: Uh, huh.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Just hear me out, Beth, it won't hurt you to listen!

Beth Jarrett: I won't listen to that. No one in their right mind would listen to that!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I just want to talk about something I always remembered.

Beth Jarrett: Why do you want to remind me?

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Because I've always wondered, in some needling way, what it mattered what I wore. I was crazy that day. We were going to our son's funeral and you were worried about what I wore on my feet. I'm sure it sounds like nothing to you, but it stuck with me and I just wanted... to tell you about it.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [about Karen's suicide] I feel bad about this! I feel really, really bad about this! Just let me feel bad about this!

Dr. Berger: Okay. I feel bad about it, too.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I made a 74 on a trig quiz.

Beth Jarrett: Oh really? Gosh I was awful at trig.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh. Really? You took trig?

Beth Jarrett: No... wait a minute... ha, did I take trig? Huh... anyway, I bought you two shirts they're on your bed.

Jeannine: Hey, you stand behind me in the choir, you sing well, you have a lot of energy.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh you do, I mean, I do?

Jeannine: I mean that's a good thing. I'm Jeannine Pratt.

Gail: And you're Conrad Jarrett, remember?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah, right!

Jeannine: Well I'll see you around.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Bye.

Lazenby: [mocking Jeannine] You have a lot of energy!

Dr. Berger: So what are you thinking now?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: That I jack off a lot.

Dr. Berger: So what else is new? Does it help?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: For a minute.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: It's impossible after all the shit I've pulled.

Dr. Berger: What shit have you pulled?


Dr. Berger: Hey, remember, I'm talking proportion here, now what shit?


Dr. Berger: C'mon, you must be able to come up with at least one example.


Dr. Berger: And don't give me, "I tried to kill myself." That's old turkey.

Beth Jarrett: [to her mother about the platter she just broke] You know, I think this can be saved. It's a nice clean break.

Dr. Berger: So you felt great. You brought home a Christmas tree and everything was hunky dory. Okay?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You're the doctor.

Dr. Berger: Listen, don't take refuge in one-liners like "you're the doctor". Okay? Because that pisses me off.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Okay.

Jeannine: Can you ever break the ball?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You can't break the ball. Can't break the floor. Can't break anything in a bowling alley. And that's what I like about bowling alleys. Can't even break the record.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You woulda visited Buck if he was in the hospital.

Beth Jarrett: Buck would have never been in the hospital!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [seeing Beth set the table] Can I help?

Beth Jarrett: Help with what?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: With... this?

Beth Jarrett: No. I'll tell you what you can do is go upstairs to that room of yours and clean out the closet.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [still desperately trying to talk with her] Mom?

Beth Jarrett: [sensing this, but is afraid] Okay? Because it really is a mess.

[they stare at each other in silence for a moment before the phone rings]

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: No don't do that to yourself! Somethings things happen in this world people don't always have the answers for them you know! I don't know what I'm yelling at you for.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No that's good! Haul my ass sometimes! You know, the way you used to for him!

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Oh he needed it! You were always so hard on yourself, I never had the heart.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh Dad, don't.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: No it's the truth!

Jeannine: Conrad, I'm not a very good bowler, what I mean is, I'm a funny bowler.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh, well we don't have to go bowling if you'd rather not. How funny are ya?

Jeannine: On a scale of one to ten... about a ten.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh... yeah, that's pretty funny.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I should have gotten a handle on it somehow.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You know I used to think you had a handle for everything. I really admire you for that sometimes.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Well, don't admire people too much. They'll disappoint you sometimes.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I'm not disappointed. I love you.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I love you too.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Give her the Goddamned camera!

Beth Jarrett: Smile!

Buck: Dad's gonna haul our asses when we get back!

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I don't think it's so goddamned funny

Dr. Berger: Maybe you were stronger. Did it ever occur to you that you might have been stronger?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [realizes the implications of what Dr. Berger just said to him]

Dr. Berger: How long are you going to punish yourself? When are you going to quit?

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh God, I'd like to quit...

Beth Jarrett: I want this to be a nice Christmas.

Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I do too. I want all of them to be nice Christmases.

Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [yelling at Calvin about Beth] ... and I know why she never came to the hospital! She was busy going to goddamn Spain and... and... goddamn Portugal! Why should she care if I'm hung up by the balls out there?