Seems Like Old Times (1980)

Charles Grodin: Ira Parks

Photos 

Quotes 

• Judge John Channing : Mr. Gardenia, will you answer a question for me please?

  Nick Gardenia : If I can be of any help in this case, Judge, it's my pleasure.

  Judge John Channing : Mr. Gardenia, were you apprehended or did you surrender?

  Nick Gardenia : Surrendered.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : He was apprehended.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : He was apprehended after he surrendered.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : He didn't surrender to me, therefore he was apprehended.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : He was *going* to surrender to my husband after dinner. I told him to wait in the kitchen.

  Judge John Channing : [Drops pencil in disgust]  And did you wait in the kitchen, Mr. Gardenia?

  Nick Gardenia : No, I had to serve dinner.

  Judge John Channing : Wait a minute. You served dinner to Mr. and Mrs. Parks?

  Nick Gardenia : And the Governor.

  Judge John Channing : The Governor? *Our* Governor?

  Nick Gardenia : I didn't ask him. He looked like our governor.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Your Honor, I think our guest list is totally irrelevant to the charges. I mean, if we're gonna get into such trivialities, we might as well discuss what was served.

  Nick Gardenia : Chicken pepperoni, your Honor. The Governor seemed to enjoy it if it has any bearing on the case.

  Judge John Channing : Hold it hold it, hold it. Just - would you hold it? Are you telling me that while every police officer in the state of California was looking for you, you were serving dinner to the District Attorney, his wife and the Governor?

  [Chuckles in disbelief] 

  Judge John Channing : How is that possible?

  Nick Gardenia : Well, you have to prepare everything in advance.

• Fred : What should I do Ira?

  Stanley : What should he do about what.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : The chicken, Fred is a vegetarian and doesn't know if he should eat it.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Eat the chicken Fred.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : We're going to have a serious conversation tonight.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : I'm looking forward to it.

  Nick Gardenia : Anything special you'd like for dinner?

• Glenda Gardenia Parks : Are you saying you may not become Attorney General if I make Veal Parmesan?

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : No, I'm just saying with your ex-husband on the loose we're alot safer, with Chicken Pepperoni!

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Alright! I'll make it. Only don't make me crazy, I can't cook when I'm crazy.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : I'm not making you crazy...

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Yes, you are! Anyone who forces me to make Chicken Pepperoni is making me crazy, and you, are making me crazy!

  [She exits] 

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : I'm not making her crazy.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Why am I always the last one in the neighborhood to get in bed with you?

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : The man sleeps under my bed, drives my car, and wears my tuxedo... I just want to meet him. Hold it right there. You're under arrest.

  Fred : The police are on their way

  Nick Gardenia : Didn't like the chicken, huh?

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Your Honor, this is the kind of testimony that looks silly on the surface.

  Judge John Channing : On the surface, in the middle, and on the bottom.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Is this a gag?

  Fred : This is a government agency... you know we don't have a sense of humor.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : What's that on your face?

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : What's what on my face?

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : This.

  [Wiping car grease off her cheek] 

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Oh, that. That's barbecue sauce.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Black barbecue sauce?

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Yes. It's mexican. Very hot. Don't eat it.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : I wasn't going to.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Is that the good Waterford crystal?

  Chester : Yes, it was.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Sorry.

  [takes his seat] 

  Fred : Sorry.

  [takes his seat] 

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Sorry.

  [takes her seat] 

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : [anxious to apprehend Nick Gardenia for the alleged bank robbery]  The sooner he's caught, the better off we are. What are the police doing?

  Fred : The usual: road blocks, couple of helicopters, dogs - BIG dogs. Anything else?

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Could we call the Air Force and ask for saturation bombing?

• Fred : So anyway, the son of a gun lifted every one of my lecture notes in college, and *he* makes Attorney General.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Well, you can't fight crime without first experiencing it.

• Aurora De La Hoya : [In the kitchen, Glenda is rummaging in the refrigerator for food to take secretly out to Nick who's hiding in the garage]  You're not gonna' serve that? That's 2-day old chicken!

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : It's for me. I'm starved.

  Aurora De La Hoya : [dejected]  I was gonna' take that home tonight.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : I'm gonna' eat outside.

  [she grabs a six-pack of beer as well] 

  Aurora De La Hoya : There goes my beer, too.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : I need to be alone for 5 minutes. And don't tell anybody where I am.

  Aurora De La Hoya : Okay.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : [Ira pops his head into the kitchen]  Have you seen Mrs. Parks?

  Aurora De La Hoya : She's not outside eating chicken, that's for sure.

• Glenda Gardenia Parks : Okay. You win. You're too smart for us, Ira. Nick and I *purposely* got a divorce so I could marry you, knowing that you would buy a house with a room over the garage, so, that when he was kidnapped, after he'd spent 2 years in a Mexican jail, robbed a bank in Carmel and the police were after him, he could then hide out in our spare room, so, while you and I were throwing parties to celebrate your running for Attorney General I would be able to run up there, sneak away, and be able to spend 35 seconds alone with Nick! I've been found out. I confess. I confess!

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : You're having a breakdown, aren't you?

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : A big one!

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : I'm so tired. Let's just get in to bed. Tell me in the morning if we made love.

• Glenda Gardenia Parks : I saw him limping. I saw him myself.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Oh, he was limping! I didn't know that. Well, then of course he's innocent. Limpers never lie. Limpers are famous for telling the truth.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Why didn't you invite him up here? We only had six dogs on the bed. We could have squeezed him in.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Glad I never faced you in court, especially in that black nightgown.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : If you can't learn to give up the past, then you're gonna have to learn to give up the present.

• Fred : The chauffeur verified it.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : A convicted felon who stole the hubcaps off six limousines during a funeral service. He verified it?

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : [on the phone]  Why don't you bring the wine over? We don't have time to go on vacation. Why don't we take one up here?

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Isn't the bed kind of small?

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Not for me.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : I'll be right over.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : He was under the bed again. Wasn't he?

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : I tried to tell you but you didn't wanna talk about him.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Telling me a man is under the bed, while we're making love is not exactly talking about him.

• Glenda Gardenia Parks : I didn't let him in! He probably got there before you.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : He always gets there before me!

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : If he scratches a fender, you have my permission to use police brutality.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : You can't rehabilitate an entire world, Glenda. Why the hell did you ever say "I do" to me, when you're still saying "I did" to him.

• Glenda Gardenia Parks : Oh, calm. Calm. I have to get calm. Uh, don't excite me.

  Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : No.

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Don't mention Nick. Nick excites me.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : Would you all excuse me for a moment?

  Fred : Would you all excuse me for a moment?

  Glenda Gardenia Parks : Would you all excuse me for a moment?

  Governor : Peculiar time to go the john.

• Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks : You keep away from my wife, keep away from my house. Keep away from my car, my tuxedo, my chicken, and especially my bed.