Prof. Simon Mendelssohn: Good afternoon everybody. I've been doing a great deal of thinking about who I am and why I have been sent here to live with you. And the answer is really very simple. Things here are just not working out very well. Your jobs are boring, your food is bland, your water is polluted and your relationships don't work. Is that not right? And the question is, how have things come to such a sorry state of affairs? I will tell you. There is too much bad suff around. Bad food, bad drink, bad art, bad ideas. Everything's all clogged up. So, what we're going to do is we're going to get rid of all the bad stuff and that will be a very good beginning. Now, I have a list here of things I would like written in the constitution immediately after which I promise you your lives will be less tense and more rewarding: 1. All muzak in elevators, airports, restaurants and other public rooms will cease immediately. 2. No more children or animals may be used to sell products. 3. Lawyers who lose cases will go to jail with their clients. 4. No doctor may write a diet book. Any doctor who does will immediately lose his license and become a dentist. 5. I think we don't really need a House of Representatives and a Senate. The Romans didn't have one, so let's just have a Senate, okay? Which reminds me, I think that it would be a very good idea if from now on all politicians who appear in public wear a cone-shaped party hat. Not bad, huh? 6. Pollution. Anybody who owns a factory that makes radioactive waste has to take it home at night with him to his house. 7. Anybody who says, "I am trying to get centered," "You are invading my space," or "Far out" will be fined $50. Make that $100.
