Don't Go Near the Park (1979)

Our discomposed little comic-book horror tale begins in a cave thousands of years ago, as an old hag curses her evil son and daughter. Flash to modern times(okay, the late 70s...whatever), and the ancient siblings prowl the land looking for children to slaughter as a sinister means of self-preservation.

Performances are true-to-type crap, adding deepened injury to the already suffering DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK, a sloppy bottom feeder of a film which does manage to chalk-up a few lively moments(some pretty nasty gore, specifically), as well as a laughably overenthusiastic non-ending which leaves this lemon wide-open for a sequel you'd better believe you'll never live to see.

A failure, certainly, but a failure that a few may find endearing in a disowned hungry kitten sort of way. Female lead Tammy Taylor appeared in the amazing MALIBU HIGH the same year, and co-star Meeno Peluce later starred on TV's VOYAGERS with the ill-fated Jon-Erik Hexum.

4/10