Alex P. Keaton: People who have money don't need people.
Alex P. Keaton: Hey, I don't mind if I toot my own horn. Toot, toot!
Mallory Keaton: Mom, I need to reevaluate my life. Do you have a minute?
Alex P. Keaton: [Referring to a current infatuation] Of all the Basic Applied Economic Principles of Capitalism in the Post-Industrial Era Seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine.
Alex P. Keaton: [after Nick makes Andy a dream hat, to help him go to sleep] I had not idea Nick could be so... useful.
[drunken Ned throws newspaper clipping in the fireplace]
Alex P. Keaton: Hey, don't do that. Here give me those.
Ned Donnelly: Leave me alone!
Alex P. Keaton: Give me those!
Ned Donnelly: [screaming] LEAVE ME ALONE!
Steven Keaton: What the hell are you doing?
Ned Donnelly: I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. Sorry, Alex.
Steven Keaton: [quietly, but furious] All right, Ned. That's it. It's over. Right now, either you get some help... or you get the hell outta my house.
Mallory Keaton: [panic-stricken] The light bulb is out in my bedroom! What are we going to do?
[about his new boss, Rebecca Ryan]
Alex P. Keaton: Face it, Keaton. She wants you.
Andrew Keaton: Alex is King!
Alex P. Keaton: [Mallory scored higher than Alex on an IQ test] I want you, Mallory! I want you! I can take you with one brain tied behind my back!
Mallory Keaton: I shop, therefore I am.
Steven: [reading from a card given to him by Alex] "Alex is more than a son. He's a companion, a friend, whom I can spend many long hours with discussing the economy, world events and politics." Alex, if I read this out loud, I'm afraid I'll be struck by lightning.
[Alex nods towards Elyse]
Elyse Keaton: [reading from her card] Mom, please read the "Alex is more than a son" speech, if dad refuses.
Mallory Keaton: The meaning of life? That's simple. Try to be happy, try not to hurt other people, and hope to fall in love.
Andrew Keaton: Jennifer... I've witnessed the one state that has no capital. So you see, it's the responsibility of every American to look after Ireland.