Larry: I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl.

Dr. Robert Hartley: [final lines, Dick has woken up as Bob from "The Bob Newhart Show"] Well, I was an innkeeper in this crazy town in Vermont.

Emily Hartley: I'm happy for you. Goodnight.

Dr. Robert Hartley: Nothing made sense in this place. I mean, the maid was an heiress, her husband talked in alliteration, the handyman kept missing the point of things. And there were these three woodsmen. But only one of them talked.

Emily Hartley: That settles it. No more Japanese food before you go to bed.

[turns her light off]

Dr. Robert Hartley: And I was married to this beautiful blonde...

Emily Hartley: Go back to sleep, Bob.

Dr. Robert Hartley: Goodnight, Emily.

[turns his light off]

Emily Hartley: [turning her light back on and sitting up] Beautiful blonde?

Dr. Robert Hartley: Go to sleep, Emily. You - you should wear more sweaters.

Dick Loudon: Ick.

Joanna Loudon: And what would you say if you weren't a college graduate?

George Utley: Dick, I cleared out that obstruction in the chimney.

Dick Loudon: Thanks George. What was it?

George Utley: I don't know but when I woke it up, it ran away.

Dick Loudon: [During Founders' Day, Dick has been placed in the stocks] My nose itches.

[calling out]

Dick Loudon: Anybody! Stratch my nose! Anybody! OK, 5 bucks! Anybody, scratch my nose for 5 bucks!

Larry: Okay.

[Hands Dick $5 and scratches his nose]

Dick Loudon: Okay, anybody else, scratch my nose for 5 bucks!

Arthur Vanderkellen: I can't help it, I like that boy.