Quotes (44)

Timothy Fenwick, Jr.: Do you ever get the feeling that there's something going on that we don't know about?

Shrevie: Ok, now ask me what's on the flip side.

Beth: Why?

Shrevie: Just, just ask me what's on the flip side, OK?

Beth: What is on the flip side?

Shrevie: Hey, Hey, Hey, 1958. Specialty Records.

[Beth nods blankly]

Shrevie: See? You don't ask me things like that, do you? No! You never ask me what's on the flip side.

Beth: No! Because I don't give a shit. Shrevie, who cares about what's on the flip side about the record?

Shrevie: I do! Every one of my records means something! The label, the producer, the year it was made. Who was copying whose style... who's expanding on that, don't you understand? When I listen to my records they take me back to certain points in my life, OK? Just don't touch my records, ever! You! The first time I met you? Modell's sister's high school graduation party, right? 1955. And Ain't That A Shame was playing when I walked into the door!

Modell: You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

Billy: Do you wanna fight? Is that what you want? Come on. Come on, you son of a bitch. I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family.

Boogie: You know I got plans.

Bagel: Always a dreamer, hey, Boog?

Boogie: If you don't have good dreams, Bagel, you got nightmares.

Modell: We all know most marriages depend on a firm grasp of football trivia.

Edward Eddie Simmons: You're dealing with a rational girl; that's your problem.

Shrevie: What happened?

Fenwick: All I did was I parked the car on a nice lonely road, I looked at her, and I said, "Fuck or fight."

Shrevie: Hey, that's a good line.

Eddie: Maniac.

Modell: You always know exactly what to say.

Modell: This is why you are so nervous all the time. You have like chunks of roast beef in your heart!

Eddie: You... You... You make me sick. You've just gone down two steps in my... my book!

Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: When you're making out, which do you prefer, Sinatra or Mathis?

Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: I like Presley.

TV customer: [watching a black and white television program in the showroom] Is this show in color, or is there something wrong with the set?

Edward Eddie Simmons: If you want to talk, you always have the guys at the diner. You don't need a girl if you wanna talk.

Eddie: Shrev, you happy with your marriage or what?

Shrevie: I don't know.

Eddie: What do you mean, you don't know? You don't know?

Shrevie: What?

Eddie: How could you not? You don't know? How could you not know?

Shrevie: I don't know! Beth is terrific and everything, but, just, I don't know. I tell you a big part of the problem, though, when you get married. You know, when you're dating, everything is talking about sex. Right? Where can we do it? You know, why can't we do it? Are your parents gonna be out so - so we can do it, you know? Trying to get a weekend, just so we can do it.

Eddie: So they can do it, right.

Shrevie: Everything is always talkin' about gettin' sex, and then planning the wedding, all the details.

Eddie: Details, shit.

Shrevie: But then, when you get married - it's crazy, i dunno. I mean, you can get it whenever you want it! You wake up in the morning and she's there. You come home from work and she's there. And so all that sex planning talk is over with. And so is the wedding planning talk cause you're already married.

Eddie: Right.

Shrevie: So - you know, I can come down here and we can bullshit the whole night away but I cannot hold a five minute conversation with Beth. I mean, it's not her fault, I'm not blaming her, she's great. It's...

Eddie: Nah, of course not.

Shrevie: It's just, we got nothin' to talk about. But, it's good. It's good.

Eddie: It's good. It's nice, right.

Shrevie: Yeah, it's nice.

Eddie: Well, we always got the Diner.

Shrevie: Yeah, we always got the Diner.

Timothy Fenwick, Jr.: [to his older brother] It's funny. You know, when I was a little kid I always wanted a brother. I told that to mom once and she said, "You have a brother". I said, "Oh, so that's who the asshole in the other bed is".

Boogie: You want to bet that she goes for my pecker - first thing?

Fenwick: The only hand on your pecker is going to be your own

Boogie: You want to bet me? You want to bet me twenty?

Fenwick: Yeah.

Eddie: I'm in.

Modell: Me too.

Shrevie: Yeah, I'm in too. But, we need validation.

Boogie: All right. I'll arrange it.

Shrevie: How? You gonna get - finger prints? I'm tellin' ya, I'm not gonna do the dustin'.

Second Stripper: [about marriage] You?

Billy: [shakes his head negatively] No marriage.

Second Stripper: No girl?

Billy: Not really. Just in love.

Second Stripper: Does the girl know?

Billy: Yeah, I told her about it.

Second Stripper: Told her? Didn't you show her?

Boogie: It's a little embarrassing to me. I mean, so, maybe, if you don't want to hear it, I'll understand.

Carol Heathrow: Go on. I want to hear this.

Boogie: Well, I don't know, I just, I don't like to tell this to girls; but, you really are, you know, you really are a knock out. No, you really are! You know, sittin' down next to you in there got me crazy. I got a hard on. You know, I don't like to admit it; but, I did. I mean, you don't know me, I don't - I - I try to come off like I'm being cool all the time, you know. I don't like to look like I'm hustling and there I was sittin' next to you with a boner. Am I embarrassing you?

Carol Heathrow: Go on.

Boogie: I don't know, it's just that the pain was killin' me, you know. To stop the pain, it was digging into the side of my leg, so, what I did was, you know, I opened my fly and loosened everything up. Just to give it a little air. And it worked. Everything settle down and I got caught back up into the picture and then, you know, that's when Sandra got her leg caught on that bush and she lifted up her dress. You know, it just popped right up, through the bottom of the popcorn box! The force of it just opened up the flap.

Carol Heathrow: It just pushed the flap open?

Boogie: It's Ripley's, I'm tellin' ya, it just pushed the flap right open and I couldn't move the box. You know, you would've seen it.

Carol Heathrow: That's true.

Modell: Is HE crazy or am I mistaken?

Bride (Elyse): [while taking football quiz] Can I go to the bathroom?

Edward Eddie Simmons: No.

Fenwick: I said, "You like the way she looks, take her."


Boogie: What are you, the Salvation Army?

Fenwick: I charged him five bucks.

Boogie: That's what you get for going out with 11th graders. Her brains aren't developed yet.

Fenwick: Yeah, but her tits were. So...

Boogie: Falsies.

Fenwick: Were they?

Boogie: First hand info.

Diane: Why don't you take me home?

Boogie: I go to law school now. I have to go home and study. The only reason I came by here, is because I appreciate the fine music.

Diane: I thought you worked in a Beauty Parlor?

Boogie: Yeah, I do - during the day.

Beth: You know, Elyse's mother is very upset with Eddie. You see, they picked out this yellow and white motif for the wedding. You know, like we did. Napkins. Tablecloth. Bridesmaids. Maid of Honor. The whole bit. Anyway, Eddie objected. He wanted blue and white - Colts colors. He refused to give in.

Shrevie: So?

Beth: Well, you know how stubborn Eddie is.

Shrevie: It could have been worse. It could have been black and gold - Steelers colors.

Eddie: You can't compare Mathis to Sinatra. There's no way! No way. They're in totally different leagues.

Shrevie: Eddie, they're both great singers.

Modell: You know, the thing about Sinatra, he's good, but, thin. I don't like that.

Modell: Who do you make-out to? Sinatra or Mathis?

Eddie: That's a stupid question.

Modell: One question. Answer that.

Eddie: It's irrelevant. I won't answer it. Mathis.

Modell: How 'bout you Shrev?

Shrevie: I'm married! We don't make-out.

Bagel: Did you lay down a bet with Barnett?

Boogie: I don't remember.

Bagel: Yeah, right. Everybody bets $2000 and forgets it.

Boogie: So, what's the point?

Bagel: The point is, Boog, where are you going to get the $2000? You haven't got a pot to piss in!

Boogie: Look, the game's a lock.

Bagel: Nothin's a lock, Boog. Nothin's a lock.

Billy: I can't believe that Eddie is getting married.

Boogie: It's crazy. I mean with Shrevie, here, it was nuts. With Eddie, it's lunacy.

Shrevie: Hey! Marriage is all right. I'm not complaining.

Boogie: Not complaining? Huh? That sounds wonderful.

Fenwick: It isn't 100% sure thing, right guys?

Billy: What? What do you mean? He's getting married New Year's Eve.

Boogie: No, no. Not until she takes the test.

Billy: What are you talking about?

Boogie: Tell him.

Fenwick: Eddie's given Elyse a football quiz. If she fails, the marriage is off.

Billy: What? Come on, you guys. You puttin' me on? Is this a joke or what?

Boogie: Nah. You know Eddie and the Colts - very serious stuff.

Billy: Are you going to law school?

Boogie: Yeah. I thought I could give it a pop. I'm still working at the Beauty Salon in the daytime.

Fenwick: You were so good at the Beauty Salon.

Shrevie: 'Cut-n-Fuck' Two-fifty.

Boogie: All right. All right. You guys laugh.

Shrevie: Did you ever think of doing your own hair there?

Boogie: It was an accident.

Carol Heathrow: An accident?

Boogie: Oh, Carol, seriously, it was an accident. I swear to God.

Carol Heathrow: An accident? Your thing just got into a box of popcorn?

Shrevie: Have you been playing my records?

Beth: Yeah, so?

Shrevie: So, didn't I tell you the procedure?

Beth: Yeah, you told me all about it, Shrevie. They have to be in alphabetical order.

Shrevie: And what else?

Beth: Ah, they have to be filed alphabetically and according to year, as well, okay.

Shrevie: And what else? What else!

Beth: I don't know.

Shrevie: You don't know? Well, let me give you a hint. Okay? I found my James Brown record filed under the the "J"s - instead of the "B"s! I don't know who taught you to alphabetize! But, to top it off, he's in the rock-n-roll section! Instead of the R&B section! How can you do that?

Beth: It's too complicated, Shrevie. You see, every time I pull out a record, there's this whole procedure I have to go through. I just want to hear the music, that's all.

Shrevie: Is it too complicated to just keep my records in the category, okay? Just put the rock-n-roll in with the rock-n-roll! Put the R&B in with the R&B! I mean, you're not going to put Charlie Parker in with the rock-n-roll, would you? Would you?

Beth: I dunno. Who is Charlie Parker?

Shrevie: [exasperated] Jazz! Jazz! He was the greatest - jazz saxophone player that ever lived!

Beth: What are you gettin' so crazy about? It's just music. It's not that big a deal.

Boogie: I bet you I can ball Carol Heathrow on the next date.

Fenwick: Now, you're nuts.

Eddie: No.

Modell: Come on, Boog.

Boogie: You want to bet me 50 bucks a guy?

Eddie: Fifty?

Shrevie: It's like stealin' money from you Boog.

Boogie: Are you in?

Shrevie: Yeah, I'm in. I'm bettin'. I'm in!

Eddie: Let's see, it's two more days to the test and, if she passes, its two more days to the thing. Marriage.

Shrevie: So, where you guys going? You gonna go to Puerto Rico?

Eddie: No, Cuba.

Shrevie: Cuba, that's nice. My parents' friends, the Copelands, they go there every year.

Eddie: Do you think I'm doing the right thing, gettin' married?

Boogie: Eddie, I can't tell you that.

Eddie: I keep thinkin' that I'm gonna be missin' out on things, you know.

Boogie: Yeah, well, that's what marriage is all about.

Boogie: You son of a bitch, you're a virgin, aren't you?

Eddie: [pause] Technically.

Beth: Boog, when we were datin', did you care for me?

Boogie: Sure I did.

Beth: You know, I don't mean just cause you could do stuff to me; but, but because you really cared?

Boogie: Of course, Beth! I mean, there was plenty of girls around for a quick pop - if that's what I wanted.

Billy: The whole thing with girls - its painful. And it seems like it keeps getting more painful instead of easier.

Boogie: Hey, yo, Florence, could I have some french fries with gravy, please.

Eddie: I'll tell you one thing that happens when you get married, you have to give up your old friends. Cause the wife wants you to get new friends. New friends - nope. It's you and me. You and me, buddy, we got secrets she'll never know. Never know. Those new friends will never be as good. Nope! Cause we've - we've got a history. History!

[last lines]

Modell: It used to be so cool to be older and hang out here and, now...

Shrevie: Now we're older and we're cooler and we're still hanging out here.

Fenwick: Definitely the smile of the week!

Beth: That's very mature, Fenwick.

Fenwick: Fuck mature!

Boogie: Did I tell you guys I'm taking out Carol Heathrow tomorrow night?

Fenwick: She... is death! (Thumbs up)