Fiona (1977) User Reviews

A film that exposes the limitations (and otherwise) of its leading lady

[Leofwine_draca · 3/10 · 29 April 2017]

HARDCORE is an ill-fated outing for British sex starlet Fiona Richmond, an actress who made a handful of sex comedies in the UK in the late 1970s before disappearing into relative obscurity. Watching one of her films, it's immediately apparent why she vanished: she's pretty dreadful as an actress, her only talent her obvious willingness to strip naked for her roles. Her best film is the lurid shocker EXPOSE.

As a film, HARDCORE is quite lamentable, a smutty series of sexual escapades clearly modelled on the success of EMMANUELLE. Fiona confusingly plays herself and the film is an on-screen autobiography of sorts, but in reality it merely shows off the actress taking part in sex scenes with a series of cameoing British actors. There's a ludicrous schoolgirl/teacher encounter, an escapade with a spanking enthusiast, and plenty more outrageous situations.

The comedy is non-existent and Richmond's acting is diabolical, but some fun is had from the familiar faces involved. Ronald Fraser, Adam West (!), Anthony Steel, Donald Sumpter, and Graham Crowden all turn up in various states of undress, some more so than others. However, their presence is not enough to turn this into anything remotely resembling entertainment, and that's from someone who's a big fan of CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER.

Dreadful, Dreadful - but you will enjoy it!

[King_Opossum · 23 April 2000]

HARDCORE is one of these strange pieces of cinema that try and combine the worlds of drama and pornography. In my experience any film that tries to do this only succeeds in failing on both counts, and this is a textbook example of this happening.

Fiona Richmond was, I am told, a big sex symbol of the 70s. I was still in nappies at this time, so fortunately did not feel the need to look upon Ms Richmond in any sexual way whatsoever. Have times changed so much that this was the epitomy of male desire? It must have been, as the acting that this woman gives us is beyond description. It is so unbelievably bad that whereas the film does advertise itself as a comedy, much of the laughter I am sure is unintentional. The film charts her life from as far back as 17, and to see this uniform-clad woman squealing with delight as her schoolmaster seduces her is probably the funniest piece of celluloid ever made! Ms Richmond obviously insisted that she was still fresh-faced enough to play a school-girl, and it demonstrates her popularity by the fact that no-one dared argue! All her lines are delivered in a tired monotone, and her sex scenes stay as erotic as they are likely (was there a shortage of male actors available too? - the sight of Adam BATMAN West's rear end filling my screen was the point in which I almost turned it off!!). There are too many mistakes in this film to mention, but some are so laughably obvious that you begin to wonder if they are indeed all part of a big director's joke. The one that stays in my mind is the act of placing a red carpet down a staircase. Butlers please note - rolling it down from the top of the stairs then expecting your guest to walk up is not going to work! However, one interesting piece of information I have learnt is that the great Malcolm McDowell (A CLOCKWORK ORANGE) appears in the film, although he is uncredited. If anyone knows whereabouts he is featured, I would love to hear from them! Although I don't need anyone telling me why he wished to remain uncredited! This script is such that I can only imagine the writers got hold of "The Spotters Guide to Sexual Innuendo" and bled that sucker dry!!!

Much as I would have liked to, I did get to the end of this film without switching off, and I must confess I enjoyed it (although not for the reasons intended!). As a nostalgic laugh to what the 70s gave us this film is worth a look. Any other reason - forget it!!

you must be joking!

[jem-7 · 1/10 · 21 December 2000]

The idea that anyone could have rated this movie a 10 is so far beyond credibility that I have to assume it was a joke. It was boring beyond belief and about as erotic as Barney or the Care Bears. Fiona Richmond's "acting" is so bad that one wonders how anyone thought she was qualified to play herself! It was a pathetic display, barely good for a laugh, and just sad to see such reputable performers as Graham Crowden and Victor Spinetti reduced to this level, even for a paycheck. Trust me, and skip it.

Fiona's in control

[david-879 · 8/10 · 1 April 2006]

Many of the comments on this film seem to be that Fiona Richmond couldn't act, or she was wrong to play a schoolgirl etc. The point was that she KNEW all this. The character of Fiona was one that Julia Harrison (her real name) had created herself. She was fully aware of her limitations as an actress, and was in a conspiracy with her audience over this. She also wrote for Men Only magazine about 'road-testing' various men each month, and we, her readers, knew that she was actually sat in an office making it all up. This was part of her appeal, and of the whole joke. Perhaps you had to have been around at the time to get it.

Sleazy sex comedy from the U.K.

[Captain_Couth · 15 October 2003]

This tepid sex comedy (i never knew it was a comedy) from the U.K. is pretty mundane. The movie made it's rounds on late night cable TV as Fiona. The only thing that I remembered being remotely interesting about this movie was the nice scene with Fiona and some blonde stewardess. Boy, they sure did seem to have a nice time on the boat (inside and out). "Pass the sun tan lotion love." Not worth trying to find. But if it ever comes across the idiot box, watch the first forty minutes and decide if you want to watch the rest. Mildly recommended.