User Reviews (120)

Add a Review

  • mighty_pickman29 February 2004
    Arrgh me hearties, this is an OK movie about singing & dancing pirates.

    The film keeps a fine pace when it involves the pirates, but struggles to keep an interest when there no salty old seadogs involved in the scene.

    Ted Hamilton as the Pirate King, provides a performance that is reminiscent of Errol Flynn at his peak.

    Most of the outdoor scenes were filmed at Werribee Mansion, a site that is one of the most commonly used in Australian TV & film.

    Arrgh I give this little piccy 5/10, a good film for the youngens. Arrgh.
  • A wallflower is tossed into the sea and dreams herself into a pirate fantasy as a damsel in love with a pirate's apprentice. Energetic and good-natured, perhaps, but a shoddy enterprise; a failed musical send-up of "The Pirates of Penzance" with a cheap, backlot feel, wan bubblegum songs and constant, leering overacting. Kristy McNichol's film career took a real hit after this, while leading man Christopher Atkins cannot get a grip of any particular emotion, his voice wobbling about in search of an appropriate tone. You have to wonder, if that's the best title they could come up with, what's the level of wit going to be in the actual script? The movie's "Grease"-like affection for musicals doesn't gel with its penchant for slapstick a la "Airplane!", although McNichol works overtime being effervescent and nearly makes the limp handling look endearing. For the most part, it is an embarrassment. *1/2 from ****
  • Found the movie while searching youtube for something to watch. the dance numbers and singing make this super cheesy and I love it. from the cast and Ruth just being there for comedic value its everything you want
  • I was a theatre snob when this film came out. I'd seen the play (operetta/light-opera) and other Gilbert and Sullivan offerings, and when this film was announced I donned my elitist hat, and wrongfully snubbed this film. At least in public.

    Privately I thought it was okay, but still had misgivings. I mean, the theatre was an affair for those with true desire to see stage performances: A thing enjoyed by a certain club. To have it popularized and reworked for "the masses" felt like a jab. Like having something private torn away from you to be shared with all.

    Well, like I say, I had mixed feelings regarding the film. On the one hand I found it a delightful fantasy for adults, with tons of innuendo and jokes. On the other hand it felt like a high-concept sexploitation film for teenagers, and that really outraged this viewer.

    Or it did.

    Through this confluence of emotions, and a few more years and screenings later, I've come to love it for what it is. A reminder of a somewhat simpler time for the youth oriented, but still ever so marginally polluted with 80's teenage sexual tension. A somewhat not-so-subtle attempt to pacify (not emasculate) the male. A heartfelt affair that actually has a lot of pleasantness to offer, but it's also rather saccharine to boot.

    To me this is the kind of film you watch on a lazy weekend afternoon, or with some other friends (notably couples) you grew up with for a little romantic boost.

    There's a number or two more added here from the original production, the dialog of course resembles nothing of the Victorian dictates once recited by the thespians, and there's lots of contemporary 80's references thrown in to boot.

    I like the movie. I really do. Don't get me wrong. And, after a fashion I'm glad it was made, but as I say, it feels like a private world of us theatre snobs was forced out into the open without our approval. Even so it is a fun watch. Particularly Kristy McNichol's witty delivery. She's the star, and shines brightly.

    Other than the superficial alterings of dialog and music, that's the real shift in this film. Kristy is the hero, not Frederick a-la the stage production. She's the one that gets things rolling, not her love interest. In retrospect, that was a logical film marketing maneuvre. So, in essence, you're watching the female version of the Pirates of Penzance.

    There's tons of comedy here. Too many scenes and too many references to list. Some are delivered pretty fast, and almost whiz by if you're not on your toes. Note Mabel's expression as she rallies the police force with her final line. Or her interaction with the homage to Chief Inspector Crusoe. Really priceless comedic stuff. Other humor is a little telegraphed, some sight gags work, others not as much. Again, we're getting romance driven humor. Sex games without the sex.

    Still, if you ever get a chance, go see a revival of the original "Pirates of Penzance". Or, better yet, rent or buy the televised stage production with the original 1980's cast available on DVD.

    Either way give "The Pirate Movie" a shot. Me, I sure do wish I was young again, and had a woman like Mabel. It's probably the one roll in which I thought Kristy McNichole was really desirable. If you're a dude like me, and was around when this film was released, then watch it for that alone :-) Enjoy.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    First off, I would like to make it clear that I voluntarily subject myself to the viewing of terrible movies. I have seen what I thought were the worst of the worst. In my mind, movies could not get any worse than the likes of D.E.B.S., Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha Hood, and Terror Storm. Until I saw this movie.

    The Pirate Movie, without any exaggeration, is the WORST MOVIE IN THE WORLD. I was informed prior to watching that the movie was, indeed, awful, but I did not believe the allegations. Believe me when I tell you that this movie is simply an abomination to film.

    It starts out with a 3 minute clip of a boat of pirates apparently in the middle of a battle with themselves. "The End" splashes across the screen. Unfortunately, it is not the actual end of the movie. The movie is about an unpopular, awkwardly nerdy girl named Mabel, who carries around a ghetto blaster and is attracted to ambiguously homosexual pirate boys. She drowns and has a overly drawn out hallucination in which she stars as a scantily dressed skank who falls in love with Frederic, who happens to have just crawled out of the ocean. He might actually be homosexual. The Pirate King has a ruby and diamond studded codpiece. It honks and squeaks when he squeezes it.

    There is singing in this movie. You might have the impression that this is a hilarious musical. It isn't. Trust me. They are the worst songs that you've ever heard, and by the end of the first original tune you will be searching for objects to pierce your eardrums with.

    There are "references" to other movies in here. By references, of course, I mean "obvious rip-offs." The inclusion of Indiana Jones, Inspector Clouseau, and the lightsaber were, in fact, anti-hilarious.

    The dialogue is, in its better moments, painful to hear. The direction is flat out awful, and at one point you can see the stunt pad in the scene, which isn't very well hidden at all.

    In conclusion, if there is even the shadow of curiosity in your mind about this movie, get rid of it. There are times when people want to see how bad something really is, but this movie is not worth it. Put it completely out of your mind and never think about it again. If you cherish your mental capacity then I beg of you, NEVER EVER WATCH THIS MOVIE.
  • Drunk. And not just a little drunk. I LOVE musicals, I even love bad movies. But this, dear God... I'm half-way through, and even half-naked Christopher Atkins ain't gonna keep me hanging' on. The bad special effect of the ship through the cove is very funny... oh wait, Chris just climbed aboard the ship in a loin cloth (even if it really looks more like a diaper)... maybe there is some homo-erotic value after all... NO, not worth it. I love the way that the film gives Sullivan a writing credit because a portion of his lyrics have been cannibalized for the movie. I also think its hysterical that another reviewer noted that the film "nearly" ruined Kristi McNichol's career. Yea... NEARLY. Movie go back to Blockbuster Right Now!!
  • For Christopher Atkins The Pirate Movie was a followup to the big hit he scored in The Blue Lagoon. Since his public expected him to look as much as he did in The Blue Lagoon, Atkins spent a lot of time without too many clothes on. And he had his hair curled once again for The Pirate Movie. He never had curls like that naturally, but it was done for The Blue Lagoon and had to be done here as well. Just like Mario Lopez had it done that way on Saved By The Bell.

    The great sex symbol of the early Eighties was teamed with Kristy McNichol who had a following of her own with the television series, Family. The Pirate Movie is a modern version of The Pirates Of Penzance with some contemporary music added to the score of Gilbert&Sullivan.

    Of course Gilbert&Sullivan purists will be horrified, but actually if The Pirate Movie inspires some kid to check out classics like the original Pirates Of Penzance, than the making of The Pirate Movie will serve its purpose. In this film you'll get to hear some modern music together with such classics as the Model Of A Modern Major General.

    The film was shot in Australia and it sports an Aussie supporting cast behind the leads of Atkins and McNichol. I have to say this is one of the few films you'll ever see where the male lead is prettier than the female one. That was Christopher Atkins's problem the rest of his career.
  • Well, I hate to admit to being wrong, but there actually is a worse Sullivan & Gilbert adaptation than "Gentlemen of Titipu". This one seems to pin its hopes on the presence of some delectable eye candy – namely, Chris Atkins, fresh from taking his clothes off in "Blue Lagoon". This is a performance that "runs the emotional gamut from A to B" – as the brilliant Dorothy Parker once snipped about the equally brilliant Katharine Hepburn.

    Don't worry, friends; it goes downhill from there.

    The film in question goes by the title "The Pirate Movie". The reason for the title is, apparently, that the people responsible have pirated some pieces of Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance" – just enough to make you wish they had pirated the whole operetta and jettisoned the drek they added to the maimed remains they used.

    Appearing in this wanton travesty are a bunch of little- and un-knowns who couldn't have salvaged the production even if it was good. Which of course it isn't. So the whole baggage sinks under its own dead, dead, dead, boring weight. Well, it wasn't their fault, really; it was a job for a lot of people who, judging by their credits on the IMDb, didn't get many. The names are withheld to protect the presumed innocent.

    The story of "The Pirate Movie" follows the general and well-known outline of "Pirates of Penzance" (which is easy enough to look up if you don't know it) – although with a number of rather stupid changes that sap it of its original vitality. To substitute for this vapidity, a composer was hired to write some "up" music. His talent, if any, is scarcely on display. What we get meager quotations from some of Sullivan's "Penzance" tunes – although not always readily recognizable and usually not in the spirit of the original. Then there is a lot of stuff in a two-bit modern idiom that is also wholly out of touch with Sullivan's originality and wittiness.

    This film is so awful on so many levels it's hard to find anything positive to say about it. The color is vibrant; that is to say, wasted on what it shows. The sound is at least too good for the material.

    Ah, well. At least Atkins runs about in descamiado mode for most of the film, which I suppose is some slight compensation. And not enough. Avoid this turkey.
  • I remember my dad renting this movie from the local video store in the late 80's and my brother and I fell in love with it almost instantly. As I got older I acquired a taste for Australian movies (probably one of the most under-rated film making nations). After seeing it had 'FINALLY' got it's DVD release, I just had to have it.

    It is 'loosly' based on Pirates of Penzance, with a mixture of Gilbert & Sullivan music and 80's cheesy pop songs, (sung well by Atkins & McNichol). It's daft, it's dated, and the jokes have whiskers on them, but it's brilliant. It was clear to everyone going into it that this movie was never going to win many awards, but the whole cast seems to be enjoying themselves, and the making of this movie must have been a treat to be involved in.

    Every major movie of the era is lampooned at least once Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Jaws, all of them.

    I hate the part with the guy being Inspector Cluseau, the scene is pointless and unwelcome. Special notice has to go to two standout performances. Ted Hamilton's Pirate King is a delight to watch throughout but even his great performance cannot better the wonderful Bill Kerr as the Major General, who's performance in the re-worded version of 'I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General' is by far the funniest thing in the movie.

    On it's initial release, this movie was universally slated and nearly destroyed Kristy McNichols career, over the years It has become a bit of a cult movie, and takes me on a nostalgia trip every time I watch it.

    thoroughly enjoyable, but, you're always left wondering who the target audience was for this film as the humour is an unstable mix of good clean family fun and risqué teen sexual innuendo. give it a go.
  • As a longtime Gilbert and Sullivan fan, this movie should have been agonizing to sit through. I learned of it through someone else's review of it and then decided to watch the thing from start to finish. And I couldn't believe it: I was being entertained. Barring the obligatory pop-culture references and horse manure joke, the movie has a sense of humor that speaks to me in a way few other movies do. For example, I don't care what anyone else thinks, the song "Pumpin' and Blowin'" is one of the funniest things ever.

    Even though I cherish the original Pirates of Penzance, I liked the added songs with the exception of Frederic's solo, and that was more dull than unbearable. I was also pleasantly surprised with all the dialogue from the original they kept in.

    I admit the movie drags in parts (mainly in the section right after "Pumpin',") but Kristy McNichol's lively performance holds it together more than anything else. She feels real, for lack of a better word, and has a great deal more agency and delight in her own existence than many film heroines then or now. One of my favorite scenes is where she tries to seduce the Pirate King, if only for the reason that I can't believe it was made. I really can't decide whether The Pirate Movie should be called So Bad, It's Good or just plain good.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Stupid teen flick with lame references to many other films - those references masquerading as "jokes".

    A frumpy Kristy McNichol plays a frumpy chick named 'Mabel' who gets conked on the head and subsequently dreams about living in the swashbuckler days surrounded by bisexual pirates and a handsome young man called 'Frederic' (Chris Atkins). As usual, Kristy tries to bluff her way through a film as if she can act, this time asking the audience to believe that she's actually 'hot' and a 'rrrreally gooood singer'.... pffft.

    The only truthful thing that can be said about the performances of the leads in this movie is that Atkins is better.... and prettier.
  • Peach70716 May 2005
    I have been watching The Pirate Movie since 87' when I was 5yrs old. My dad taped it from the TV and I eventually wore it out. I insisted on getting the VHS and now the DVD. It's silly funny, a hopeless romantic, and a definite sing-a-long. Nobody understands my love for this goof ball flick. It's great to see that there are others out there who have actually seen this movie! I give it a 10 for making me laugh and cry after all these years. To me it's sorta like a feel good cult classic. OK. well that's a little far fetched. But, I think everyone is looking for that "Happy Ending!" If you decide to watch it keep an open imagination and you'll get it.
  • If i could un-see any single film it would be this one. My parents took me to see it in the theater and I'm convinced that it's what drove me to alcoholism in my late teens. I'm not sure if I believe in hell but if it exists it consists of sinners being forced to watch this abomination over and over again.
  • I have always found this to be a terribly under-rated film. Okay, so it isn't exactly true to Gilbert & Sullivan. So what? I love Gilbert and Sullivan, but this is obviously supposed to be a take-off and spoof, much like Scary Movie is a take-off and spoof. Nonetheless, I find this to be a wonderfully entertaining movie. It is extremely funny, it is filmed beautifully on location in Australia, and it has great music. Christopher Atkins and Kristy McNichol are wonderful in this film. I sure wish the studio would get around to re-releasing this film on DVD, and re-releasing the soundtrack on CD. It has been overlooked for far too long. I know many other people, who like me, simply love this film.
  • reilly3321 December 2004
    I remember when this movie was being made here in Australia-it was the time when everyone was in love with Christopher Atkins (including me) being a young teenager, i counted the days until it came out on video-which in those days was years not like now and when it finally came out my brothers and i loved it we watched it that many times they must have had to purchase a new tape at the video store-i thought it was great especially for Aussie movies at the time which left a lot to be desired,unlike now they are great. It seemed to put an end to Christopher Atkins and christy mcnichols careers-not sure what happened to them after that-so glad it has come out on DVD, i will definitely be purchasing it!
  • I understand that the film was longer than 20 minutes, but after that point I literally ran out of the room.

    My Wife would often rave about this movie. Like so many other comments that I've seen from Pirate Movie fans, it was a fondly recalled part of her childhood (which seems a little disturbing). She mentioned that it was a film that her entire family enjoyed in its day. So after a 25 year sabbatical from the film, she decided to order it on NetFlix.

    Knowing nothing of the movie, I sat to watch it with her. Honestly, I was not expecting much from a film creatively entitled "The Pirate Movie". I assumed it would be a rather cheesy comedy, and that's as far as I got, before my wife pressed play. The first 15 minutes was as much as I expected. This was a movie for girls in their early adolescence.

    I have to admit, after realizing that this was a girls fantasy movie, I am no longer curious about what woman want or dream about. I am happy to be left outside and ignorant of such things.

    When the protagonist started her dream sequence, I realized that this was the beginning of the end for me. I started to notice a feeble nausea in my stomach which irrupted into a volcano of bile. As soon as the Pirates started to dance on the deck of the ship, blood shot from my nose and ears and my eyes itched as though they were begging to be ripped from my head. I left the room in quiet agony - begging the gods of celluloid to end my misery on this retched earth. As I lay on the floor of my garage in the fetal position, my wife came in to see if I required medical attention. Apparently, she could only take about 40 minutes before she turned off the movie.

    "I don't understand it", she said to me. "Everybody in my family loved the movie."

    "Okay, you are one of three sisters - born of a mother who is addicted to cheap romance novels."

    "But my dad loved it too. He'd even sing the songs around the house."

    "Your dad also came out of the closet in the early nineties and divorced your mom."

    "Oh, yeah."

    I gave this film a "1" because IMDb's rating system would not allow for negative integers. My mind cannot undo what this film has done to me. At this point, though - I must be fair. Had I known more going in, I may have been more prepared. I've seen "Rocky Horror" and a couple of John Waters movies, but I was always prepared going in. The events leading to my viewing of this film was just completely unfair. I was completely blindsided.

    Gentlemen, let this be your warning. Ladies, enjoy this sensual fantasy film, and warn any gathering gentlemen at your discretion. Children - no.
  • Mike492026 December 2015
    I think this is a cute comedy - a clear variation made in 1982 of the Gilbert and Sullivan 'Pirates of Penzance'. This movie lends itself more to teenage girls. It is a fun movie! My daughter loved it - probably because it gave her someone to look up to or fantasize emulating. My daughter liked the costumes. There was no swearing, no blood or violence. It was good clean fun. The music and singing was a big hit for our family while watching it. The movie was not a big hit, the acting was not great, no-one got any big awards. But it was a feel good movie that was exciting for young teenagers to watch. It took a long time to come to DVD. I wish it was available on Vudu.
  • Rated a BOMB by Leonard Maltin, this is not really quite bad if certainly misguided – what was veteran British director Annakin thinking?: an old-fashioned pirate adventure, inspired by Gilbert & Sullivan's operetta "The Pirates Of Penzance" (contemporaneously receiving the big-screen treatment), set to horrid electronic music. Yet, the thing is fitfully amusing in spots (often campily so)...

    Christopher Atkins is bland as the unwilling buccaneer hero, but tomboyish leading lady Kristy McNichol is cute (she even naively says "Ole'" instead of "Touche'" during the swordfights!). Ted Hamilton, then, is The Pirate King – whose matinée'-idol looks seem like a cross between Adam West and Randolph Scott! Scenes from Fox's classic swashbuckler THE BLACK SWAN (1942) with Tyrone Power actually play throughout the opening credits: it transpires to be a TV screening of that film – since the narrative here is given a modern-day framework, with the adventure within turning out to be a dream set off by the nerdy McNichols' visit to a pirate attraction! Apart from much romance and derring-do, we get a bumbling group of singing and dancing bobbies (cops) who constitute an obvious anachronism. Still, they're involved in one of the film's more inspired bits: during the climactic bout, they gang up on a isolated pirate – and one of them attempts to obscure the camera's viewpoint (recording the event, as it were)…which, of course, lampoons the usual expose' of police brutality!
  • Anyone rating this less than 7 clearly doesn't understand the film at all. When Gilbert & Sullivan first wrote The Pirates of Penzance in the late 1800's, they were writing it in satire of the operatic idiom. If the film's title wasn't enough of a clue in itself, The Pirate Movie is a satire of the sort of musical adventure cinema we were seeing in the 70's and early 80's (see Grease, Xanadu, The Wiz, Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar, Man of La Mancha, Rock & Roll High School... the list goes on!). Also, it was just meant to be a lot of fun. If you are going in, expecting something with the musical mastery of West Side Story, The Phantom of the Opera or Les Miserables, you are looking in the wrong place. If a film that could be the lovechild of The Goonies and ABBA sounds intriguing, then you are going to have a blast! So put away your critic's notepad, pop some corn and enjoy!
  • This movie is the epitome of a bad eighties movie. It's really quite painful for a lot of people to watch.

    That being said, I really LOVE this movie. Watch it knowing that it's a movie with no plot and enjoy the music (excluding the 3 eighties love ballads). The mix of Gilbert and Sullivan with rocking music such as "We are the Pirates" by Ian Mason, and "Victory" is laughable and fascinating, which really is the point of the movie. Sir Arthur Sullivan provides the basis for quite of few of the movie's songs, including "Modern Maj. General," "Tarantara," "Pirate King," and "With Catlike Tread." However, none of these songs uses all of the original lyrics, and "Modern Major General" comes out with a fantastic, and slightly stoner, spin.

    Also good to note: the acting is sub par, excluding Ted Hamilton, who not only produced the movie, but plays the Pirate King. Christopher Atkins (best known for the "Blue Lagoon") plays a duty bound ex-Pirate of Penzance and Kristy McNichol is the irritatingly back and forth feministic/non-feministic female lead (see geeks gone gorgeous).

    Without giving you a spoiler, fear the ending. It is the absolute worst ending, and even I, in my euphoria of crazy 80's movie high, was astounded and tweaked by it.

    The final note I will out in this movie is for COSTUME ENTHUSIASTS!! The costuming in this movie is a 10. Hands down, some of the best period costuming. Men's pants are done correctly, which is very rare because of the sheer difficulty of button up pants. Also, the Captain's regalia, and the female pirate's (Ruth) battle garb are easily an inspiration for Scadians and Halloween costumes alike. There is one bodice in the movie that looks exactly like a Simplicity bodice on the market now.

    So for the overall conclusion in peoples decision to watch this movie, if B movies are your goal for the night, this is a great way to do it. If you're looking for some great and intriguing hidden gem, this is probably not the one you want to watch. The money was obviously spent on music and costuming, while scripting and sets were thrown to the wayside. Enjoy the movie, but don't hold out high hopes for it.
  • 0 stars for this goofy pirate flick which features Kristy McNichol (I call her Krusty McCluckol) as a lame dreamer with designs on being popular.

    Cliché gay pirate jokes, dumb songs, atrocious choreography, bad acting, incompetent direction, confused plotting, and general miscasting are some of the problems encountered when viewing this film. How McCluckol secured this role is beyond logical thinking. Chris Atkins as the male lead is at least pleasant to ogle. Too bad the same can't be said for Mucknuckle who resembles a sleepy chicken with a bad haircut.

    A prime example of a studio having leaped before they looked.
  • My summary line is sort of strange, but gimme a chance to explain. As has been stated in a few of these comments, "The Pirate Movie" is a big cult movie. In terms of cult status, I'd certainly liken it to "Rocky Horror" or "Donnie Darko" -- not that it shares many common factors with either of those, just that there's this big audience that REALLY loves it. As with several other big flops from this era ("Midnight Madness," "Zapped!"), HBO is probably solely responsible for turning this into the cult phenomenon it is -- after all, they ran it endlessly in the early '80s.

    But the real reason I felt it necessary to leave a comment is something that's barely been touched upon here. While many people have said, "I loved this when I was a kid," it's yet to be stated that this seems to be the key to loving the film. I saw it when I was a kid and loved it. I've shown it to kids, and they've loved it. However, the adults that I've shown it to (including several who usually go in for this type of film) hated it. My best friend watched it for the first time last night and, even though he's usually open to a movie like this, he griped all the way through it. His three year old son, however, was glued to the TV.

    The saving grace for this film is that, while it IS technically a sex comedy, it's surprisingly innocent. A song called "Pumpin' and Blowin'" could very easily have been lewd and vulgar, but it's disguised as a bubblegum pop anthem (complete with animated characters). And that's the case with a lot of the jokes. While they're not squeaky-clean Disney fare from that era, it's all mainly innuendo, with nothing blatantly obvious: "You'll be hung," Kristy McNichol says, to which Ted Hamilton replies, "Oh I am -- and very well, thank you." How many kids are actually going to get that joke?

    If you loved it as a kid, get the DVD and show it to your kids (though I'd avoid the dull director's commentary). If you have kids, show it to them. But if you're going into it for the first time as an adult, chances are it's not for you.
  • Many DONT but I do. It's no pirates of penzance but it's still good. Funny enough and witty.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    If you thought "Xanadou" and "Can't Stop the Music!" had gay sensibilities or camp moments then watch this pathetic rip-off of Gilbert and Sullivan's most revived operetta where the film is supposed to be oh-so-straight but ends up as oh-so-stupid and oh-so-offensive. Moments of the original score are tossed together with a new fangled pop score so bad that all those great memories of the early 80's and the fun bad trends that came out of them are all washed away. O.K., so the idea of pairing Christopher Atkins and Kristy McNichol seemed like a good idea at the time. He was the newest hearth-throb after "The Blue Lagoon" and she was oh-so-cute as Buddy on "Family", the tomboy everybody liked. What they forgot to give them was a script, here so obviously slap-dash that the results are as jaw-dropping as the audience members of "Springtime For Hitler" in "The Producers". (Please don't throw your playbills at me for saying so!).

    It is obvious to me that this was tossed together so fast not only because of the success of "The Pirates of Penzance" on Broadway but in expectation of the movie version of that show yet to be released. Like previous similarities between similar plotted movies released within months of each other (Think "Black Sunday" and "Two Minute Warning"), it's almost like sabotage. While "The Pirates of Penzance" came and went very quickly when it was released early in 1983, this film had a release the previous summer and obviously soured anybody interested in seeing a mostly faithful movie version of a hundred year old British operetta.

    McNichol is Mabel, a geeky teen-aged girl hanging around the beach who somehow is obsessed with pirate movies and after being left behind after mean girls prevent her from boarding tour guide Atkins' boat, she ends up dreaming she's the heroine of Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta. He, of course, is the dashing hero, raised by pirates, yet determined to make his own way and find true love with the opposite sex. But the pirate king (Ted Hamilton) isn't willing to let him go and threatens to stand in the way of his heterosexual happiness. A wasted Maggie Kirkpatrick takes the normally scene-stealing role of nurse Ruth and turns it into almost a bit part,lacking the zest of the many veteran comics who played the role on Broadway and Angela Lansbury who showed screen audiences her musical talents in one of the rare times she actually got to use her own singing voice in the movies.

    The worst Major General ever, Bill Kerr comes on like gang-busters with absolutely no subtly or humor like George Rose was doing on stage and later in the authentic film version. Sprinkled throughout this are spoofs of pop-culture characters popular at the time, such as Inspector Clouseau and Indiana Jones, proving what one critic said about it being "the rip-off movie". While the original operetta at times can be outright silly and sometimes eye-rolling, this version made me roll my eyes so much I was afraid of being able to see out of the back of my head or through my ears.

    Then, there's the truncated score, an assassination of sorts where only a handful of the original score is used (or misused) and the new songs (with the possible exception of the song in the opening film-within-a-film) are dumber than any of the slobs of the slobs-vs.-the-snobs comedies popular at the time. "Happy Ending" is a bit of a catchy tune, but it's a horribly weak way to wrap up the plot, and McNichols' being forced to pair couples up had me sneering not cheering. "Pumpin And Blowin'" gets my vote for one of the top five worst movie songs ever written, and perhaps in the top ten of all songs ever written. It makes the theme from the original "The Blob" seem like "As Time Goes By" in comparison.
An error has occured. Please try again.