Jane Mitchell: Look, whatever happened last night, I faked every bit of it.

[Jane starts to walk off]

Peyton Nichols: Jane!

[She stops and looks back]

Peyton Nichols: That's why it was so good.

Peyton Nichols: Barn, sometimes life is like an onion. When you peel it, it makes you cry.

Dexter Jones: [stoned and dreaming] Mr. Einstein! I'm feeling strange. Someone's putting some shit on my mind.

Albert Einstein: Sounds like too many chili dogs, Dex. Have to learn to relax!

Peyton Nichols: So how does the world look through cracked glasses?

Bernadette: Cracked.

Rose Burnhart: But there was marijuana there! I saw it!

Walter J. Coolidge: I think you smoked it, Miss Bernhardt.

Barney Springboro: You talkin' to me?

Bully #2: Yeah pal, he's talkin' to you.

Barney Springboro: Are you talkin' to me?

Jane Mitchell: He already said he was, Barney.

Barney Springboro: Well, you must be talkin' to me. I'm the only one here.

Peyton Nichols: Where am I, Barn?

Walter J. Coolidge: Dexter, keep this to yourself, okay?

Dexter Jones: Always do! I got a file in my head two feet thick 'bout a WHOLE lotta things you do that I keep to myself.

Paperboy: Barney bonehead.

Barney Springboro: Up yours.

Robert Wolcott: Ready buddy?

Peyton Nichols: Ready Freddie!

Robert Wolcott: Don't you ever call me that. Call me that again, and I'll kill you!

Peyton Nichols: Well, well, you two like some refreshments? Plenty of punch left in those watermelons over there.

Jane Mitchell: Looks like you had your share.

Peyton Nichols: Oh, I had a little. Sure love some more.

Robert Wolcott: I've had just about enough of you, buddy.

Jane Mitchell: Who are you going to the prom with, Barney? Why don't you go with one of your mice friends?

Dexter Jones: Alan, take your finger outta your nose. What'd I tell you about that shit? Now suck it!

Walter J. Coolidge: Dexter, do you have your pass key on you?

Dexter Jones: Sure do, Mr. C. What do you need?

Walter J. Coolidge: My key doesn't seem to work in this lock.

Dexter Jones: We all seem to have that same problem sometimes, now don't we?