Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen: In the interest of clarity and sanity, the rest of this movie will not be in Polish.

Frederick Bronski: If it wasn't for Jews, fags, and gypsies, there would be no theater.

[Frederick, Andre, and Dobish are disguised as Hitler and two Nazi offiers]

Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: Heil Hitler!

Dobish: Heil Hitler!

Frederick Bronski: Heil myself!

[of Bronski's performance]

Colonel Erhardt: What he did to Hamlet, we are now doing to Poland.

Anna Bronski: He's world-famous in Poland!

Colonel Erhardt: Mrs. Bronski, Mrs. Bronski, Mrs. Bronski.

Anna Bronski: We're all here.

Sasha: Are you all right?

Anna Bronski: I'm fine.

Sasha: Then why are you on the floor?

Anna Bronski: The Floor? I'm on the floor? I'm on the FLOOR. Well get me up.

Anna Bronski: All these flowers on a Lieutenant's pay, you shouldn't have.

Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: That's OK. My father is a florist.

Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: I loved that picture of you on the farm. You behind the plow. By the way, where was that?

Anna Bronski: In the "Chronicle".

Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: No, I mean where's the farm?

Anna Bronski: Oh, the farm. The farm. Well, that's out of town somewhere... You know, that's where they keep them.

Anna Bronski: Oh, but that's enough talk about me. Let's talk about you. How'd you like me in the first act?

Sasha: Enter, Andre Sobinski.

Anna Bronski: Exit, Sasha Kinski.

Anna Bronski: [to her pet dog] Mootkie, we are living in a rat hole.

Frederick Bronski: It's a, it's a, it's a RAT hole.

Nazi officer: You are sitting in Col. Erhardt's chair.

Anna Bronksi: Oh, how silly of me. Ten minutes ago it was my chair.

Colonel Earhardt: Vat do you mean you haven't got proof? Dat is no excuse! Arrezt zem! Vat? Vere? Vy? VEN? From now on, ven in doubt, arrezt zem! Arrezt zem! Arrezt zem! Arrezt zem! Zen shoot zem and interrogate zem! Oh, you are right, just shoot zem!

Ratkowski: Ravitch, we're doing "Naughty Nazis", not "Naughty Marietta".

Anna Bronski: They say its going to be a really cold winter.

Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: I don't know anyzing about zat!

Anna Bronski: Oh look, a piano! With KEYS! And it WORKS!

Frederick Bronski: [as Hitler] All I want is peace. Peace! Peace!


Frederick Bronski: A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France.

Frederick Bronski: [disguised as Prof. Siletski] Remember, Erhardt, I'm going to see the Fuhrer tonight. Who knows *what* we'll talk about!

[Anne has revealed another group of refugees to Frederick]

Frederick Bronski: More! What are they, Jews or rabbits?

Anna Bronski: [as the Nazis are searching for Sasha] First you invade Poland, then you invade Warsaw, then you invade my dressing room... you people are compulsive invaders!

Anna Bronski: [Anna has just turned down Erhardt's invitation for supper] I never sup after I've dined.

[Sasha puts on his coat to go out]

Anna Bronski: What's that on your coat?

Sasha: Oh, it's the newest fashion in occupied Warsaw. Jews wear yellow stars, homosexuals wear pink triangles.

Anna Bronski: Sasha! How awful for you!

Sasha: [quietly] I hate it.

Anna Bronski: Now listen, they're rounding up Jews. Are they rounding up...?

Sasha: No, no, so far, so good. Now, don't wait up for me. I've got a hot date with another triangle.

[Frederick, disguised as Hitler, bursts in on Erhardt trying to assault Anna]

Colonel Erhardt: [weakly] Heil Hit... Hit... Hit...

Anna Bronski: Hitler.

Colonel Erhardt: Hitler.

Frederick Bronski: Heil.

Anna Bronski: I tried to tell him somebody big was coming.

Colonel Erhardt: Big! But...

Frederick Bronski: Come schatze, ve're late.

[Anna exits, but Frederick turns back to Erhardt]

Frederick Bronski: Vat's your name?

Colonel Erhardt: Colonel Er... Er... Er...

[sticking her head back in]

Anna Bronski: Erhardt.

Colonel Erhardt: Thank you.

Frederick Bronski: Erhardt? Erhardt? Aren't you the one who makes that joke about my becoming... A PICKLE?

[He leaves, slamming the door. Erhardt moans]

[Frederick, disguised as Professor Siletski, has to go to Gestapo Headquarters]

Frederick Bronski: Listen, sweetheart, if I don't come back, then I forgive you for anything that happened between you and Lt. Sobinski.

[He opens the door to leave, but turns back]

Frederick Bronski: But if I do come back, you're in a lot of trouble!

[Frederick has to stall Prof. Siletski while the others rush back to his hotel room to search it]

Frederick Bronski: Just don't keep me hanging much longer, I stink without a script!

Lupinsky: [under his breath] He stinks with a script.

Frederick Bronski: I heard that!

Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: [SPOILER] Colonel, Professor Siletski's on the phone!

Colonel Erhardt: Professor Siletski? You didn't tell him he was dead?

Frederick Bronski: Sondheim! Send in the clowns!

Colonel Erhardt: [Referring to Bronski in the next room] Relax, Schultz! Zis iz ze intellectual approach...

Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: And what if he's not an intellectual?

Colonel Erhardt: [referring to the two SS officers nearby] Zen zey'll break every bone in his body!

Colonel Erhardt: [referring to Capt. Schultz] I've always suspected zumzing wrong vit a man who does not drink or shmoke...

Frederick Bronski: You mean like our FUHRER?

Colonel Erhardt: Yes... NO!

[Frederick returns home, having succesfully impersonated Siletski at Gestapo headquarters]

Frederick Bronski: I did it! I did it! I gave the greatest performance of my life...

[sinks into a chair and peels off his fake beard]

Frederick Bronski: And nobody saw it.

Frederick Bronski: [Disguised as Siletski] Remember, Earhardt, I'm going to see the Furher tonight - who knows *what* we'll talk about!

Frederick Bronski: When this is allover, I'm gonna get you everything you need. You need a coat... you need a dress... you need shoes.

[Rubbing Andre's face, thinking he's Anna]

Frederick Bronski: and you need a shave...

[he thinks]

Frederick Bronski: ... a shave?

Colonel Erhardt: Cigar? Cigarette? Chocolate-covered nugats?

Frederick Bronski: Chocolate-covered what?

Colonel Erhardt: Nugats!

[Squishing one in his fingers]

Frederick Bronski: No. Thank you.

Frederick Bronski: If we don't make it through this, I forgive you for whatever happened between you and Lt. Sobinsky... but if we do, you're in a lot of trouble!

[Infuriated at Sobinski leaving the audience in the middle of his soliloquy, Frederick starts delivering the rest of his lines with uncharacteristic fire]

Ravitch: [watching from offstage] What happened? He's good tonight.