[repeated line]

Buddy Ryan: ...but I'm feeling MUCH better now!

Dan Fielding: You know, one of my college roommates actually contracted rabies. He died soon after. Got run over while chasing a car.


Dan Fielding: Just kidding. He died of rabies.

Dan Fielding: I have stood next to death, and people liked him better.

[after an electrician uses ashes from an urn in a coffee maker to test the circuit]

Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: That wasn't herb tea... that was Herb!

Mac Robinson: Bull has got himself a girlfriend.

Dan Fielding: Really? Animal, mineral or vegetable?

Christine Sullivan: Oh I got married in an Italian restaurant! What could possibly be more idiotic?

Dan Fielding: A chicken and waffle joint comes to mind.

Dan Fielding: [to Harry] If you weren't born, Walt Disney would have to draw you.

Harry Stone: [to a defendant] Well, I'm gonna find the defendant guilty of assault and battery, and Mr. Gunther, I am gonna give you two days in the slammer. Because you've got to learn, that this is not funny, no matter what you think of the man's musical talent!

[we see the victim who has a harmonica stuffed in his mouth]

Dan Fielding: Be grateful it was your mouth.

[Mac walks in on Bull who is leaning over the rear end of a horse]

Bull Shannon: Hi, Mac; it's not what you think!

Mac Robinson: God, I hope not!

Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: If I had a dime for every woman...

Assistant District Attorney Daniel Reinhold Fielding: You could make a phone call.

Bull Shannon: [approaches the cafeteria table where everyone is sitting. He is wearing boxers and a t-shirt] Hi, guys.

Harry Stone: Bull?

Bull Shannon: Oh, don't worry, Your Honor. I'm just having one of those dreams where you show up to work in your underwear.

Harry Stone: Bull, this isn't a dream.

Bull Shannon: It's not?

[everyone shakes their heads]

Bull Shannon: Yikes!

[Bull runs out]

Phil Sanders: That's the kind of failure I can only dream about.

[after Christine makes a joke]

Harry Stone: She is to comedy what Roy Rogers is... to comedy.

[during a Christmas episode, Harry happens to look outside of his chambers, and sees a reindeer in the hallway]

Harry Stone: [running back into chambers] Everyone, come quick, you have to see this!

[everyone runs out into the hallway. Selma is standing where the reindeer was]

Bull Shannon: It's Selma!

Harry Stone: Selma, did you see that?

Selma Hacker: I saw it, all right.

[she begins to walk away. Everyone runs to where she was standing]

Selma Hacker: If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.

Dan Fielding: I know every nook and cranny a body could fit into in this place.

Public Defender Liz Williams: [watching a videotape of a couple having public sex in Central Park] They're breaking the law, alright.

Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: Of gravity.

Harry T. Stone: Fifty dollars plus time served.

Phil Sanders: [suggesting a slogan for Dan's mayoral campaign] The Big Apple needs a worm like Fielding!

[on trial are a group of beauty contestants who attacked their sneaky pageant coordinator]

Dan Fielding: Your Honor, according to witnesses, Miss Congeniality led the attack with a kick to the groin.

Yakov Korolenko: Go, Yankees! Lou Piniella!