Tony: Hey look at this nose. I fractured this nose three times and I can still smell.

Samantha Micelli: Yeah! I broke my finger twice and I can still dial.

Mona Robinson: I once fractured my pelvis.

Tony: Yeah, and she can still walk.

[repeated line]

Tony: Ay-oh! Oh-ay!

Samantha Micelli: Now dad remember. Smile, be polite, and whatever you do don't tell the pig joke.

Tony: That one is the real ice breaker.

Angela: Well, we got on a plane you know swish, swoosh.

Tony: Yeah, well, it sounds like something happened in between the swish and the swoosh.

Angela: Well, we went to Las Vegas, and we got married but I thought we got the marriage annulled the next day?

Angela's first Husband: No. These are just the papers that divided up the garbage collection. Angela, we're still married.

Mona Robinson: [bursts into laughter] And to think all of this time that you were married to Michael you were a bigamist.

Angela: Did it seem to you like Jan and Steve might be a good match?

Tony: What? Angela are you kidding me? All they said all night was hello, goodbye, and ehh I'm choking.

Mona Robinson: [when Frankie Fitzgerald tries to out bid her daughter to purchase Tony as part of a neighbourhood auction] Angela, I know what's good for you... Buy him!

[repeated line]

Tony: Angelaaaa...

Tony: But here's the thing... Uhm... Did I ever tell you how terrific you are and how happy I am with this job?

Angela: I feel a "but" coming on.

Tony: Nonono, no buts. HOWEVER...