Brian: Eat shit, fig-face, you're not my father!

Wendy: Come on Bri, take me off your shit list, honey.

Brian: You're on all my shit lists! Today you made the hall of fame!

Sam: Hey come back here you little shit-head!

Wendy: Hey! Don't talk to Jake like that!

Sam: He acts like a shit-head! And you let him act like one!

Wendy: Well you don't have to act like one too!

Brian: What did he lose, his dick?

Jake: He's an asshole trying to make us think he's okay, ok?

Brian: Maybe he is okay. Maybe YOU'RE the asshole.

Jake: Why do you get in so many fights?

Brian: Cuz I always win. It's like being the fastest gun.

Jake: Then lose once.

Brian: I knew the cake meant trouble.

Jake: Next time you come in my room, knock.

Sam: Next time you pass judgement on me, don't go whining to your mother like some chicken-shit wimp. Have the balls to come say it to my face.

Wendy: Kids are cynical these days. It's hip.

Jake: It's not.

Sam: Why don't you tell us whats hip Jake?

Jake: Nothings hip.

Sam: Nothings hip? You mean nothing matters anymore, thats hip? Nothingness is hip?

Jake: Hip isn't HIP anymore.

Jake: You're one tough little guy, aren't you?

Brian: Tough enough.

Jake: Did you spit in this?

Brian: No, I forgot.

Sam: It takes a lot to open your own restaurant, you gotta have capitol, money/

Brian Livingston: Not if you open a sushi bar. All you need is some raw fish and a knife.

Jake: He's a deadbeat, he's a loser and he's a bullshitter!

Jake: 11-year-olds into heavy metal!

Jake Livingston: You keep telling us about the real world. But in the real world YOU'D be a grown man competing with a bunch of tenth graders!

Jake Livingston: You don't want the class to know, you want to be the only one with the answer! You want us to think you're the coolest, hippest... if you're that great, why are you trying so hard to impress us?

Sam: What's with you, Jake, why's everything such a bummer with you?

Lee: Where are the cookies? I must have the cookies!

Jake Livingston: [notices Sam on the couch] Hey guys, let's get out of here, ok?

Lee: Now?

Jake Livingston: Yeah. Let's go over to your house.

Lee: All we got is Melba Toast!