Brian: Eat shit, fig-face, you're not my father!
Brian: What did he lose, his dick?
Brian: I knew the cake meant trouble.
Jake: He's a deadbeat, he's a loser and he's a bullshitter!
Jake: 11-year-olds into heavy metal!
Jake Livingston: You keep telling us about the real world. But in the real world YOU'D be a grown man competing with a bunch of tenth graders!
Jake Livingston: You don't want the class to know, you want to be the only one with the answer! You want us to think you're the coolest, hippest... if you're that great, why are you trying so hard to impress us?
Sam: What's with you, Jake, why's everything such a bummer with you?