Night Train to Terror (1985)

R   |    |  Horror


Night Train to Terror (1985) Poster

God and Satan are on a train discussing the fate of three individuals. The stories of the people in question are told in a trio of very strange vignettes. One involves an insane asylums ... See full summary »


4.2/10
1,876

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  • Night Train to Terror (1985)
  • Night Train to Terror (1985)
  • Night Train to Terror (1985)
  • Night Train to Terror (1985)
  • Night Train to Terror (1985)
  • Night Train to Terror (1985)

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Cast & Crew

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Directors:

John Carr , Phillip Marshak , Tom McGowan , Jay Schlossberg-Cohen , Gregg G. Tallas

Writer:

Philip Yordan (screenplay)

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User Reviews


11 September 2004 | polysicsarebest
10
| Everybody but YOUUU!
The first time I saw this, I was in awe. The second time I saw this, I was in disbelief. The third time I saw this, I knew what to expect, but I still remained entertaining. This film is COMPLETELY insane and mindboggling, and it's nice (though strange) that this film seems to have gained newfound recognition since being recently released on DVD. But.. holy crap.. to those who HAVEN'T seen it, you just have no idea what you'll be getting into.

This is a masterpiece pretty much, and it's perfect for anyone with a short attention span. God and Satan are sitting on train, deciding the fate of people as a really horrible band plays music. They play the same song for about 15 minutes of the film's duration, the singer sometimes break dancing while some females do cheers and stuff. It's like a terribly-produced music video (with the terrible outtakes) for a terrible song that has absolutely no connection to the rest of the movie except that God and Satan occasionally mention it as if it's some kind of blasphemous Satanic metal of some sort.

As this band plays, God and Satan watch three different stories. These stories are actually three different films: The first, the unfinished Scream Your Head Off, which is a confusing tale about... uhhh... a guy being forced to drug women so a guy can chop them to pieces? Or something?! None of it makes any sense, and it probably wouldn't have made sense had the film been finished. But not only was the film not finished, but we are left with a CUT version of the unfinished film. So, we have a story here that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but it is certainly entertaining enough: We have Richard Moll strapping extremely attractive naked girls down on tables, molesting them, and then using a hacksaw to cut them to pieces. It's all pretty gory (there's a rather brutal decapitation scene near the end), it's filled with things that make no sense, and there is karate in it. And did I mention naked chicks? They're here. Great story.

I really like the second story; in fact, it's probably my favorite of the bunch. It's made of a movie that was called Death Wish Club. We have a guy that looks like James Vander Beak who falls in love with a porn star, and they then decide to play suicide games. Then, we rush through a 15-minute version of a probably-90 minute film. So, instead of character development or much story development, we're left to look on as new characters are introduced randomly and some of the characters even change appearances, which is even more confusing. Take one scene for example: The main character is sitting next to his porn star girlfriend, who has a completely different haircut (and looks like a boy) and he appears to be angry at her for no apparent reason. If he's so angry, why is he participating in suicide games? Why is he participating in the suicide games in the first place? And why does the person who is HAVING the suicide games not just kill James Vander Beak and get it over with instead of having them go through the games? These are some questions you'll be asking yourself probably, but it's best not to think too hard: This story is amazingly hilarious. There is absolutely no continuity because of the cutting, so there is adding narration to explain what the hell is going on. There is a killer clay bug, there is a man being shocked to death (one of the most amazing scenes in history... seriously), there is a head exploding. Great story. Makes no sense.. but it's a great story.

The next story had many releases on video, but it is probably best known as "Cataclysm". This story features a ton of actors from the previous stories, and it suffers mainly from some pacing problems. Unlike the previous stories, this goes on and on and on for about 35 minutes. And it's sort of pointless, as you watch as the movies goes on and on with no idea what IS going on. Evil Satan nazi turns into HORRIBLE-looking claymation creatures and sucks on people and makes huge explosions in old men's skulls and crucifies a puppet. Or something. Some stock footage here, some unexplainable deaths there (why does that one character gets killed, anyway?

Or that other one -- what did he do?!); it's best not to think about it.

As my friend recently asked me, "How did this film even get MADE?" I have no idea, but it's certainly amazing for those into trash films. Check it out.

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