- Stan Gable: [to Booger] What are you looking at, nerd?
- Booger: [to himself] I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche-bag, but that's in Ohio.
- Lamar: Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you. We got a rockin' rhythm and a hi-tech sound that'll make you move your body down to the ground. We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining in. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol' me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the Mu's are clapping along. And just when you thought, ya seen it all, along comes a Lambda four foot tall. So Wormser come on out here on the floor, so we can move our bodies, like never before. Break!
- Betty Childs: [blissfully] Oh, Stan. You were wonderful. You did things to me you've never done before.
- [Lewis takes off his mask]
- Betty Childs: [gasps] Ahhh! You're that nerd!
- Lewis: Yeah.
- Betty Childs: [blissfully] Oh, you were wonderful.
- [gasps in ecstacy]
- Betty Childs: Are all nerds as good as you?
- Lewis: Yes.
- Betty Childs: How come?
- Lewis: 'Cause all jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.
- Mr. Skolnick: [to Lewis and Gilbert] Ah, you college men are all alike: all you think about is getting laid! I wish I was coming with you!
- Poindexter: [smoking a "wonder joint" that Booger brought to a party with Omega Mu] Would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline?
- Connie: Poindexter, do you wanna fuck or not?
- Poindexter: Okay.
- [she jumps all over him]
- Sergeant: [31:00] I do not know what this world is coming to. See that man over there. We arrested him for mopery.
- Booger: What's mopery?
- Sergeant: Mopery is exposing yourself to a blind person. I am sorry about your window, fellas, but that's out of our jurisdiction. This sounds more like a fraternity prank. But there's only one organization that can handle such matters.
- Gibert: What is that?
- Sergeant: [disdainfully] The Greek Council.
- [after the Alpha Betas' treachery is revealed at the pep rally]
- Dean Ulich: You know, Coach. I'm going to let the Lambdas live over at the Alpha Beta house while you and your boys rebuild theirs!
- Burke: Where the hell are *we* gonna live?
- Ogre: Yeah. What about *us*?
- Dean Ulich: You're *jocks*! Go live in the gym!
- Stan Gable: Times are changing, Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life.
- Betty Childs: If they win the Homecoming Carnival, they'll be able to take over the Greek Council.
- Stan Gable: Yeah. And we'll be up to our asses in nerd shit.
- Gibert: I just wanted to say that I'm a nerd, and I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other nerds. I mean uh, all our lives we've been laughed at and made to feel inferior. And tonight, those bastards, they trashed our house. Why? Cause we're smart? Cause we look different? Well, we're not. I'm a nerd, and uh, I'm pretty proud of it.
- Lewis: Hi, Gilbert. I'm a nerd too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us than there are of you. I know there's alumni here tonight. When you went to Adams you might've been called a spazz, or a dork, or a geek. Any of you that have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, put down, whether you think you're a nerd or not, why don't you just come down here and join us. Okay? Come on.
- Gibert: Just join us cause uh, no-one's gonna really be free until nerd persecution ends.
- Lewis: [in line at the Kissing Booth at the Homecoming Carnival] Hi, Betty.
- Betty Childs: A nerd? I'm not kissing a nerd.
- Lewis: You have to. I paid my money.
- Betty Childs: [Lewis tries to kiss Betty] It's time for my break.
- Stan Gable: [Stan brings a short, fat, ugly woman, instead] Kiss this, nerd.
- Betty Childs: I want to do it, Stan. All this kissing has made me horny.
- Stan Gable: God, Betty, you're like a goat.
- [rings door buzzer]
- Mail Slot Man: [mail flap opens, revealing a pair of crazed eyes] Who's there?
- Booger: [pauses] Ahhh, is...
- Mail Slot Man: What do you want?
- Booger: Is this the Stewart residence?
- Mail Slot Man: Why are you here?
- Booger: Ahh, I've come about the roo...
- Mail Slot Man: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- Booger: I've come about the roo...
- Mail Slot Man: Don't have, no way!
- Booger: I - I, uh, do you have a room for rent?
- Mail Slot Man: Not for rent!
- Booger: I thought it was for rent!
- Mail Slot Man: Fuck off!
- [mail flap closes]
- [Lewis shows the nerds their new home. An abandoned and dilapidated house]
- Lewis: Isn't she beautiful?
- [the nerds give him confused and angry looks, Lewis smiles at them]
- [Gilbert tries to get at the microphone, but Coach Harris and the Alpha Betas grab him]
- Dean Ulich: Leave him alone!
- Coach Harris: What did you say?
- Dean Ulich: I said leave him alone!
- Coach Harris: I'll break his goddamn neck if he doesn't...
- Dean Ulich: You will do NOTHING of the sort! Don't touch that boy!
- Coach Harris: [Gilbert gets shoved to the ground and the coach shoves Dean Ulich] Says *who*?
- Dean Ulich: Says *ME*!
- [Shoves Coach Harris]
- Dean Ulich: You asshole!
- [Coach tries to hit the Dean but U.N intervenes]
- U.N. Jefferson: HOLD IT, COACH! You just hold it *RIGHT THERE*!
- [a large group of tough, militant Tri-Lambdas face down the Alpha Betas]
- Coach Harris: You know, when you were a baby in your crib, your father looked down at you, he had but one hope - "Someday, my son will grow to be a man." Well look at you now; you just got your asses whipped, by a bunch of goddamn nerds.
- [removes and throws his cap against the wall]
- Coach Harris: *Nerds*! Well, if I was you, I'd do something about it. I would get up and redeem myself in the eyes of my father, my Maker, and my *coach*!
- Burke: Well let's get those nerds!
- Stan Gable: Nerds!
- Ogre: Nerds!
- Stan Gable: What are waiting for?
- Judy: Maybe we should eat?
- Harold Wormser: Maybe we should watch TV?
- Booger: Hey guys...
- [opens his leather jacket to reveal some Marijuana cigarettes]
- Booger: ... wonder joints.
- [Alpha Beta has been beaten by Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu]
- Coach Harris: Hey, Gable.
- Stan Gable: Yeah, Coach.
- Coach Harris: I want to see you, and the other girls, in the locker room, now!
- Stan Gable: Yes, sir.
- Betty Childs: [in the Pi's bathroom] Listen, if Stan calls tell him I'll call him back, okay?
- Suzy: Okay.
- Lewis: [Betty opens the shower curtain and finds Lewis; gasps] Panty raid!
- [Betty screams; Lewis laughs, chasing her]
- Betty Childs: That nerd saw me naked!
- [Stan finds out how the Tri-Lambs were able to sell so many pies; there's a naked picture of Betty at the bottom of every one]
- Stan Gable: That's *my* Pi!
- Dean Ulich: Frankly, I'm not too wild about this next even but it has become a tradition here at Adams: The Belching Contest.
- [the crowd cheers]
- Dean Ulich: First up, Frederick W. Palowakski.
- Ogre: [grunting] It's "Ogre" you asshole!
- Dean Ulich: "Ogre, you asshole.", uh "Ogre".
- Lewis: [0:03:23] This is college. Remember, 6,127 students at Adams, 58% of which are girls.
- Gibert: So?
- Lewis: That's 7,107.32 boobs.
- Mr. Skolnick: You college guys are all alike. All you care about is getting laid. I wish I was going with you.
- Coach Harris: Dean, we got a big game comin' up. I don't want my boys' minds worried about where they're gonna live.
- Dean Ulich: They should have thought of that before they burned their house down.
- Betty Childs, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi: [singing] Hello Lambda, We're the Pi's, And we're here to say, We think you are *special* guys, Lambdas all the way
- Betty Childs: Alpha Beta's are okay
- Betty Childs, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi: If you like sweat socks.
- Betty Childs: We prefer your high IQs
- Betty Childs, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi, Pi: To their great big - - jocks. Lambda Lambda Lambda boys, Really are the best, Won't you take a piece of Pi, And we'll do the rest
- Lewis: Rubbers? What do we need rubbers for?
- [sheep goes baa, baa baa]
- Stan Gable: Let the initiation begin.
- Gibert: Working with a computer's great. I mean, it's godlike, in a way, cause you can have complete control.
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