Maggie Katherine Malone Seaver: Carol, how dare you disobey us!
Jason: I never thought I would ever say that but Carol Ann Seaver, you're grounded.
Maggie Katherine Malone Seaver: No explanations. You are not getting a nose job.
Carol: I know.
Carol: I'm not getting a nose job.
Jason: Don't confuse us by agreeing with us, Carol.
[talking to Mike]
Luke Brower: Not only do you get a sudden craving for pineapple ice cream, but you have to bring someone to watch you eat it?
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Mike, a voice just came out of the radiator and it sounded a lot like God
[referring to handyman working in the basement]
Mike: No, Boner, that's Jimmy
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: You call Him Jimmy?
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: [later]
[walks downstairs angrily]
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Okay, what in the name of Jimmy is going on down here?
Jason: Well, Carol's an adult and Mike's... over 21.
Mike: Did you see that movie, Taxi Driver?
Girl: Didn't Danny DeVito play a guy named Louie?
[Mike talking to older blind date]
Mike: Do you have any idea what it's like to go through puberty backwards? Yeah, it's true. There are only two known cases, me and Dick Clark.
[Mike pretended to brake his ankle so he didn't have to clean the gutters with his dad and go site seeing instead. Jason leaves the room and comes back later and finds Mike there alone and says...]
Jason: Kate didn't want to go sight seeing, huh?
Grandpa Ed: Are you happy now that you've driven out two of my grandkids, you quack?
Kate: I don't eat anything with a face.
Dwight: Well, I cut it off.
Stinky: Much like that baby alligator your flushed down the toilet, and haven't thought of since.
[Jaws theme plays]
Carol: I'm going to go wake up Chrissy and we can do a happy dance that we're girls.
Luke Brower: [sarcasticly] What a tease.