White Queen: [singing] Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday, but never ever jam today!

Duchess: Do you think I'm ready for gravel groveling?

Cheshire Cat: [in song] Somehow you strayed and lost your way, and now there'll be no time to play, no time for joy, no time for friends - not even time to make amends. You are too naïve if you do believe life is innocent laughter and fun.

Alice: [reading] 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogroves, And the mome raths outgrabe. "Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!"

Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Queen of Hearts: In that case, would you be good enough to grovel?

Duchess: Grovel?

Queen of Hearts: Yes. Right here on the gravel!

[the disembodied head of the Cheshire Cat appears]

Alice: It's the Cheshire Cat! Oh, hello, Cheshire Cat.

Cheshire Cat: Hello. How do you like the Queen?

Alice: Not at all. I don't like that of losing my head. Would you?

Cheshire Cat: I could hardly afford that.

Cheshire Cat: Meow, baby.

Queen of Hearts: Sentence first, verdict afterwards!

Alice: Are you crazy? You can't have a sentence first.

Queen of Hearts: Hold your tongue!

Alice: I will not hold my tongue! Why don't you hold yours?

Queen of Hearts: Oooh! Off with her head! Off with her head!

Queen of Hearts: Off with your head!

Conductor: Where's your ticket?

Alice: [searches her pockets] I'm afraid I haven't got one. There wasn't a ticket office where I got on.

Conductor: No excuses, please! You should have got one from the engine driver!

[he leaves in a huff]

Gentleman in the Paper Suit: He means the man that drives the engine also sells the tickets! You should have known that!

Unicorn: You dumb-dumb!

Mad Hatter: Do you know "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?"

Alice: Yes I do.


Alice: Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.

Mad Hatter: No, no, no, no, no. That's not good at all. I prefer... Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder what you're at.

The Dormouse: [startled] Twinkle twinkle little skunk, how I wonder if you're drunk!

[falls over]

The March Hare: Twinkle twinkle little ant... you do look strange without your pants.