The Breakfast Club (1985)

[last lines]

Brian Johnson : [closing narration] Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...

Andrew Clark : ...and an athlete...

Allison Reynolds : ...and a basket case...

Claire Standish : ...a princess...

John Bender : ...and a criminal.

Brian Johnson : Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

Andrew Clark : What do you need a fake I.D. for?

Brian Johnson : So I can vote.

Richard Vernon : You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.

John Bender : Eat my shorts.

Richard Vernon : What was that?

John Bender : Eat... my... shorts.

Richard Vernon : You just bought yourself another Saturday.

John Bender : Ooh, I'm crushed.

Richard Vernon : You just bought one more.

John Bender : Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.

Richard Vernon : Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?

John Bender : No.

Richard Vernon : I'm doing society a favor.

John Bender : So?

Richard Vernon : That's another one right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step. You want another one?

John Bender : Yes.

Richard Vernon : You got it! You got another one right there! That's another one pal!

Claire Standish : Cut it out!

Richard Vernon : You through?

John Bender : Not even close bud!

Richard Vernon : Good! You got one more right there!

John Bender : You really think I give a shit?

Richard Vernon : Another! You through?

John Bender : How many is that?

Brian Johnson : That's seven including when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.

Richard Vernon : Now it's eight. You stay out of this.

Brian Johnson : Excuse me sir, it's seven.

Richard Vernon : Shut up, peewee.

John Bender : [Imitating his Father] Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.

[Imitating his Mother]

John Bender : You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.

[Father's voice]

John Bender : Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.

[His own voice]

John Bender : No dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender : Fuck you.

[His own voice]

John Bender : No dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender : Fuck you.

[His own voice]

John Bender : Dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender : Fuck you!

[Pantomimes getting punched in the face]

Brian Johnson : Is that for real?

John Bender : You wanna come over sometime?

[first lines]

Brian Johnson : [opening narration immediately after the title sequence] Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.

Allison Reynolds : I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.

Claire Standish : You're lying.

Allison Reynolds : I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.

Claire Standish : Lie.

Brian Johnson : Are your parents aware of this?

Allison Reynolds : The only person I told was my shrink.

Andrew Clark : And what did he do when you told him?

Allison Reynolds : He nailed me.

Claire Standish : Very nice.

Allison Reynolds : I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.

Claire Standish : He's an adult.

Allison Reynolds : Yeah, he's married too.

Claire Standish : Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?

Allison Reynolds : Well, the first few times...

Claire Standish : The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?

Allison Reynolds : Sure.

Claire Standish : Are you crazy?

Brian Johnson : Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.

Allison Reynolds : Have you ever done it?

Claire Standish : I don't even have a psychiatrist.

Allison Reynolds : Have you ever done it with a normal person?

Claire Standish : Didn't we already cover this?

John Bender : You never answered the question.

Claire Standish : Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.

Allison Reynolds : It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?

Claire Standish : A what?

Allison Reynolds : Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?

Claire Standish : Wrong.

Allison Reynolds : Or are you a tease?

Andrew Clark : She's a tease.

Claire Standish : I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it.

Andrew Clark : Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.

John Bender : She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

Claire Standish : I don't do anything.

Allison Reynolds : That's why you're a tease.

Claire Standish : OK, let me ask you a few questions.

Allison Reynolds : I already told you everything.

Claire Standish : No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect?

Allison Reynolds : I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me.

Claire Standish : It's not the only difference I hope.

John Bender : Face it, you're a tease.

Claire Standish : I'm NOT a tease.

John Bender : Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.

Claire Standish : No, I never said that she twisted my words around.

John Bender : What do you use it for then?

Claire Standish : I don't use it period.

John Bender : Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?

Claire Standish : I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth.

John Bender : Well, if you'd just answer the question.

Brian Johnson : Why don't you just answer the question?

Andrew Clark : Be honest.

John Bender : No big deal.

Brian Johnson : Yeah answer it.

Andrew Clark : Answer the question, Claire.

John Bender : Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.

John Bender : C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.

Claire Standish : NO I NEVER DID IT.

Allison Reynolds : I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

Claire Standish : You know why guys like you knock everything?

John Bender : Oh, this should be stunning.

Claire Standish : It's because you're afraid.

John Bender : Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

Claire Standish : You're a big coward.

Brian Johnson : I'm in the math club.

Claire Standish : See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.

John Bender : Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?

Claire Standish : Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.

John Bender : Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

Andrew Clark : Hey! Let's watch the mouth, huh?

Brian Johnson : I'm in the physics club too.

John Bender : Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

Brian Johnson : Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

John Bender : Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?

Claire Standish : That's an academic club.

John Bender : So?

Claire Standish : So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.

John Bender : Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?

Brian Johnson : Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics.

John Bender : So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

Andrew Clark : I taped Larry Lester's buns together.

Brian Johnson : That was you?

Andrew Clark : Yeah, you know him?

Brian Johnson : Yeah, I know him.

Andrew Clark : Well, then you know how hairy he is. And when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some - some skin, too.

Claire Standish : Oh my God.

Andrew Clark : And the bizarre thing is that I did it for my old man. I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about how when he was in school and all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So I'm sitting in the locker room and I'm taping up my knee, and Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. And he's kinda, he's kinda skinny. Weak. And I started thinkin' about my father, and his attitude about, about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I jumped on top of him and started whaling on him. And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I'm sitting in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father and Larry having to go home and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation - the fucking humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how... how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way. It's all because of me and my old man. God, I fucking hate him. He's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore.

[crying, imitating his father]

Andrew Clark : 'Andrew! You've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family! Your intensity is for shit! Win! Win! Win!' You son of a bitch. You know, sometimes I wish my knee would give. And I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me.

Brian Johnson : Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat's what it is.

John Bender : What're we having?

Brian Johnson : Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch I guess...

[Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it]

John Bender : Milk?

Brian Johnson : Uh, soup.

John Bender : Ah.

[Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box. Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand]

Brian Johnson : That's apple juice...

John Bender : I *can* read. PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

Brian Johnson : Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.

John Bender : [crawling above the ceiling] A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." Naked lady says...

[the ceiling breaks, and he falls through]

John Bender : Oh, *shit*!

Richard Vernon : [hearing the crash from his office] Jesus Christ Almighty!

[John sees Andrew and Claire angrily stunned]

John Bender : [to the other students] Forgot my pencil.

Richard Vernon : [enters the library] Goddamn it! What in God's name is going on in here? What was that ruckus?

Andrew Clark : Uh, what ruckus?

Richard Vernon : I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.

Brian Johnson : Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Richard Vernon : Watch your tongue, young man, watch it.

Andrew Clark : Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.

John Bender : Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet!

Andrew Clark : You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life!

John Bender : Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.

Andrew Clark : Ah, you'd never make it. You don't have any goals.

John Bender : Oh, but I do!

Andrew Clark : Yeah?

John Bender : I wanna be just... like... you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights!

Brian Johnson : You wear tights?

Andrew Clark : No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.

Brian Johnson : Tights.

Andrew Clark : [short pause] Shut up!

Brian Johnson : [after Brian explains his F in shop] Did you know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering?

John Bender : Without lamps, there'd be no light.

Claire Standish : Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin?

Brian Johnson : Because it's personal business. It's my personal, private business.

John Bender : Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business.

Allison Reynolds : Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.

Andrew Clark : Wow. Are you psychic?

Allison Reynolds : No.

Brian Johnson : Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?

Allison Reynolds : I stole your wallet.

Brian Johnson : I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?

John Bender : No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.

Brian's mom : Now is this the first time or the last time you do this to me?

Brian Johnson : Last.

Brian's mom : Now get in there and use the time to your advantage.

Brian Johnson : Mom, we're not supposed to study, we just have to sit there and do nothing.

Brian's mom : Well mister, you figure out a way to study.

Brian's sister : Yeah.

Richard Vernon : Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time.

Claire Standish : Excuse me, sir. I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but I don't think I belong in here.

[Vernon ignores her and looks at his watch]

Richard Vernon : It is now 7:06. You have exactly 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about *why* you are here, to ponder the error of your ways.

[Bender spits out a wad of saliva in the air and catches with his mouth, prompting Claire to almost exclaim in disgust, but Vernon stops her by pointing]

Richard Vernon : You may not talk.

[Brian tries to move to the chair next to him on the table]

Richard Vernon : You will not move - from these seats.

[to Bender, who is relaxing his feet on a chair, but Vernon pulls it out from under Bender's feet]

Richard Vernon : And *you* - will not sleep. Alright, people, we're going to try something a little different, today. We are going to write an essay - of no less than a thousand words, describing to me who you think you are.

[starts handing out sheets of paper]

John Bender : Is this a test?

Richard Vernon : And when I say 'essay' I mean *'essay'*. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

Richard Vernon : Crystal.

Richard Vernon : Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. Maybe you'll even decide, whether or not, you'd care to return.

Brian Johnson : Uh, you know, I can answer that right now, sir. That'd be no. No from me, 'cause...

Richard Vernon : [contemptuously] Sit down, Johnson.

Brian Johnson : Thank you, sir.

Richard Vernon : My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?

John Bender : Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Richard Vernon : I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns.

[exits the library]

John Bender : That man - is a brownie-hound.

[after he and the other students see and hear Allison biting her fingernails]

John Bender : If you keep eating your hand, you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.

[Allison bites another fingernail, and spits it out]

John Bender : I've seen you before, you know.

Brian Johnson : Are you gonna be, like, a shopping bag lady? You know, like, sit in alleyways and, like, talk to buildings and wear men's shoes and that kinda thing?

John Bender : You load up, you party.

Brian Johnson : Uhh, no, actually, we dress up.

Brian Johnson : You're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself. Why are you like that?

Claire Standish : I'm not saying that to be conceited. I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.

Brian Johnson : Then why do you do it?

Claire Standish : I don't know. I don't - you don't understand. You don't - you're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with. You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you.

Brian Johnson : I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire?

Brian Johnson : I was just thinking, I mean, I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering what is gonna happen to us on Monday when we're all together again? I mean, I consider you guys my friends. I'm not wrong, am I?

John Bender : Dork.

Brian Johnson : Yeah?

John Bender : You are a parent's wet dream, okay?

Brian Johnson : Well, that's the problem.

Brian Johnson : The girl is an island unto herself.

Allison Reynolds : I can write with my toes. I can also eat, brush my teeth

Claire Standish : With your feet?

Allison Reynolds : Play "Heart and Soul" on the piano...

Brian Johnson : I can make spaghetti.

Claire Standish : What can you do?

Andrew Clark : I can, tape all of your buns together.

Brian Johnson : I'm not a cherry.

John Bender : When have you ever gotten laid?

Brian Johnson : I've laid lots of times.

Brian Johnson : What's the point of going to Bender's locker?

Andrew Clark : Beats me.

Brian Johnson : This is so stupid. Why do you think - why are we risking getting caught?

Andrew Clark : I don't know.

Brian Johnson : So then what are we doing?

Andrew Clark : You ask me one more question, and I'm beating the shit out of you.

Brian Johnson : When I step outside myself, kind of, and, like, when I look in at myself, you know? And I see me. I don't like what I see. I really don't.

Claire Standish : What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?

Andrew Clark : He's got a name.

John Bender : Yeah?

Andrew Clark : Yeah. What's your name?

Brian Johnson : Brian.

Andrew Clark : See?

John Bender : My condolences.