Jeff Cohen: Chunk

The Goonies

Chunk

Francis Fratelli: [grabs Chunk by the throat] Hey, kid. I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything.
Chunk: Everything?
Francis Fratelli: Everything.
Chunk: [sobbing] Everything. OK, I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I play Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... and then, my mom sent me to the... to the summer camp for fat kids... and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!
[much later]
Chunk: But, the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this.
[imitating vomiting four times]
Chunk: And then, I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!
Jake Fratelli: [amused] I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!
Mama Fratelli: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!
[Francis turns on the puree blender]
Chunk: No! I'm too young!
[the Fratellis grabs his arms]
Chunk: No, I want to play the violin! No, not my hand! Please!
Mama Fratelli: Now, do I get the truth? Do I get the truth, or do you get juiced?

Chunk: [running toward the road in the dead of night to find help] I'm not all alone in the dark. I like the dark. I love the dark.
[Chunk ducks and crawls under a tree branch]
Chunk: But I hate nature! I HATE nature!

[Data comes flying into the house knocking over everyone]
Chunk: [saves the statue of Michaelangelo's David] Hey! I bet you guys thought I was going to drop it huh? I know you would think that from good ol' Chunk.
[Chunk places the statue on the table, but it falls off]
Brandon Walsh: You idiot!
Mikey: Oh, my god!
[Mikey runs over to pick up the statue and hold the breathalizer in his mouth]
Chunk: [examines the statue] Look, look! It's not broken. It's perfect! Ha ha!
Mikey: [sees that the statue's penis has broken off] Oh, my GOD! That's my mom's most favorite piece!
[Mikey tries to put the penis back on]
Chunk: Oh, my god.
Mouth: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth!
Brandon Walsh: Shut up, Mouth.

Chunk: Look, how's that? How's that?
Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside down!
Brandon Walsh: You dork! If God made it like that, you'd all be pissing in your faces!
Chunk: Looks fine to me.

Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys'll never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson come over to your house to use the bathroom.
Brandon Walsh: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's pizza, right?
Chunk: Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.

Chunk: Hello, Sheriff's Office? I'd like to report a murder!
Sheriff: Hold on, hold on a minute. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Listen, Sheriff, I know I've jerked you around before, but this is for real now. I'm in the Fratellis' basement, with this guy...
Sloth: Rocky Road? Heh Heh!
Sheriff: Yeah, like that time you told me about the fifty Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler steakhouses in the city?
Chunk: Sloth, get back here! Sloth!
Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
[as Chunk follows Sloth, the phone cord rips out of the wall. The Sheriff hears a dial tone]
Sheriff: Lawrence?

[Chunk and Sloth are chained up together]
Chunk: Want a candy bar? Are you hungry? I got a Baby Ruth.
Sloth: Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!
Chunk: Here you go.
[Chunk tosses the candy bar to Sloth and it hits him in the head. Both scream]
Chunk: I'm sorry, mister! I'm sorry!
[Sloth rips his chains out of the wall and goes to pick up the candy bar. Then, he realizes he's free]
Chunk: Gee, mister. You're even hungrier than I am.

Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.
Mama Fratelli: Why not?
Chunk: Because they might have daddy longlegs and um... dead things, Mikey. DEAD THINGS!

Chunk: Look at this. They've got Misissippi Mud and they've got Chocolate Eruption and they've got what?
[Everyone screams]
Chunk: It's a stiff.
[Everyone screams and drops the dead body]

[Chunk drinks from a water cooler while the others try to figure out how to get through the floor]
Mouth: I've got an idea. Why don't we just spread chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through?
Chunk: Okay, Mouth. That's all I can stand... and I can't stand no more!
[steps towards Mouth, knocks over the cooler, and tries to right it]
Chunk: I got it! I got it! I got it!
[rights the cooler, but the bottle falls off and breaks]
Chunk: I don't got it.
Mouth, Mikey, Brandon Walsh: You klutz!
Chunk: Hope it's not a deposit bottle!

[Chunk and Sloth come across the out-of-control pipes]
Chunk: Yeah. Mikey's been through here, all right.
[Sloth grabs some pipes and pushes them up. He hears a car crash, a woman scream and sirens]
Sloth: Uh-oh.

[the boys were about to leave until Mrs. Walsh notices something in the living room]
Irene Walsh: What is that?
Chunk: [thinking Mrs. Walsh saw the statue] Oh, shit!
[Chunk acts innocently]
Chunk: What?
Irene Walsh: *What* is *that*?
[Chunk sees she's pointing to some crumbs on the floor]
Irene Walsh: That is a mess! I want it picked up now, boys!
Chunk: [overjoyed] Oh, sure! Sure!

Mouth: It's locked.
Chunk: Thank God!
Mouth: Hey wait a minute, Chunk. You know I got some naked pictures of your mom. Taking a bath. Wanna buy them?
Chunk: What!
Mouth: Real cheap.
[Chunk charges for Mouth but rams the door open instead]
Richard 'Data' Wang, Mikey, Chunk, Mouth: Thanks, Chunk. Thanks.

Mama Fratelli: Now tell me where your other little friends are.
Chunk: [crying] The fireplace.
Mama Fratelli: Don't lie to me!
Chunk: Honest. We went over to Mikey's dads place and we found this map that said that underneath this place there's buried treasure.
Jake Fratelli: Come on, don't give us none of your bullshit stories huh?

Chunk: [with potato chips in his mouth] You think your Mom's gonna notice?
Mikey: What?
Chunk: [more clearly] Do you think your Mom is going to notice? Notice that the statue's penis is missing.
Mikey: I wonder if she'll notice.
Chunk: That's what I said!
Mikey: Well, of course she'll notice. She notices everything.