Cop: Hey kid. Why do you wear sunglasses at night?

Vince Latello: Because when you're cool, the sun shine on you 24 hours a day.

Sentry: Morituri te salutamos.

Latello: Yo, Sherman, what's he sayin'?

Sherman: He's going to kick our ass.

Vince Latello: I'm cool, you're cool, we're cool, thank you, good night!

Vince Latello: Hey, I hit on Sawyer once.

Michael Harlan: Oh yeah.

Vince Latello: Yeah, I tried to give her this Italian macho bod.

Michael Harlan: What did she do?

Vince Latello: Poor girl lost out. She called me a name I had to look up in the Dictionary!

Detective Nulty: What's your name, cowboy?

Bob Roberts: Robert Roberts, Esquire to you, honky!

Latello: You know, my old man says, "Treat broads like dirt and they love ya."

Harlan: Oh, yeah? What's your old lady say?

Latello: Ah my parents are divorced. That's how come I'm livin' out here in the sticks with my old man.

Vince Latello: I just want to be home watching cartoons!

Sherman: This plant has been extinct for sixty million years!

Vince Latello: Yeah? Well I ain't ever seen one before!

Vince Latello: [gives the finger to another driver] Sit on this, buttplug!

Michael Harlan: [at the school library counter] We need a book.

Sherman: Oh, a car book?

Vince Latello: [mockingly] A car book?

Michael Harlan: No, a book on strange things.

Sherman: Like Vince.

Vince Latello: [grabs Sherman] Hey, syonara dicknose!

Vince Latello: I don't believe this! I could be home watchin' Magnum!

Michael Harlan: Will you stop whining?


Vince Latello: Son of a bitch, whaddaya call this wawa?

Sherman: I believe you'd call him a Neanderthal man.

Vince Latello: Well I don't care what country he's from! One shot to the chones an' he's down!

Bob Roberts: [after testing the gizmo with a metal detector, which goes haywire and shorts out] Now this has gotta be broken.

Ellie Sawyer: Wait Bob, why would that be broken?

Bob Roberts: Because if it isn't broken Michael, this is older than earth! All right?

Bob Roberts: You guys cut my science final! What's with you guys? Where were you?

Michael Harlan: We got kinda hung up in the auto shop...

Vince Latello: Yeah, in the ozone.

Bob Roberts: In the ozone, Blowzone! I'm tired of you four-F's! Let me tell you something, unless your project is dyno-supreme


Bob Roberts: you both get D's!

Vince Latello: [eagerly] Hey I'll take it!

Crystal: Michael, I want to be worshipped, serenaded like a goddess.

Harlan: Oh come on, bullshit.

Crystal: That is exactly what my Cosmo Romantiscope told me you'd say Michael.

[she walks away leaving him with the magazine]

Harlan: [puzzled] Ro- Romantiscope?

Vince Latello: [smiling and waving to the camera with shades on while taking his mugshot] Hi, mom!

Policewoman: Ugly little cockroach...

Vince Latello: Hey what's the matter, I got boogers? Huh?

[finger up his nose]

Policewoman: [in his face] Hey kid, why do you wear your sunglasses at night?

Vince Latello: Because when you're COOL... the sun shines on you twenty-four hours a DAY!

Policewoman: [rips off his shades] Oh, yeah?

[stiff-arms him against the wall and walks away]

Vince Latello: Chill out, Butch... and get a shave.

Vince Latello: Danger makes great sex. Catch you guys later!

Michael Harlan: Latello, wait!

Vince Latello: Hey! These are all optical delusions. Like ghosts, so it's cool!

[calling into the fog]

Vince Latello: Here comes Latello, YO!

[Neanderthal Man jumps out and attacks]

Ellie Sawyer: [while being chased by police] What are we going to do?

Vince Latello: About one to five with good behavior.

Harlan: Caps to the dynamite, dynamite to the legs, got it?

Ellie Sawyer: Caps to the dynamite, dynamite to the legs, got it.

Harlan: Latello?

Latello: Caps to the legs, legs to the dynamite.

Harlan: Come on!

Latello: Hey, good thing I watch TV, huh?

Vince Latello: [Digging in the police car] I'm comin', I'm comin'. But if I'm gonna wind up in another dimension like Bob-o-rino...

[whips out a shotgun and cocks it]

Vince Latello: I'm goin' in there packin'!

General: Brief me!

General's Aide: It entered our air space last night and made a mockery of our intercept fighters. And according to the pursuit pilots it suffered a malfunction and crashed in the desert.

Vince Latello: I don't see that either, right?

General: Get rid of it.

Bob Roberts: This thing is generating power and light without heat, Michael!

Michael Harlan: How is that possible?

Bob Roberts: It's not possible! I mean not on this World, anyway.

Vince Latello: Whoa, what other World are we talking about?

Ellie Sawyer: Michael, is Bob dead?

Michael Harlan: I don't know.

Vince Latello: Great. There goes my D.