Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985) User Reviews (40)

Where Do We Start?

[Movie-Misfit · 4/10 · 13 September 2019]

I am actually still laughing out loud at this 80's action flick! I had forgotten how ridiculously hilarious it actually was until today..!

The first 10 minutes alone is without a doubt the main cause for most action fans to switch this off with a dreadful staged action-packed opening (please take that with a pinch of salt) and James Bond styled opening credits song, complete with dancing girls and a topless Sho Kosugi dancing with his weapons - Jesus Christ, who came up with this one?!?

The film drags along at a snails pace - thankfully with enough unintentional comedy to keep you entertained - with the introduction of some wild over-the-top villains including a quartet of 'kung fu' (again, please add salt) who are easily defeated by lifting them up and shaking them, or simply by spinning them round and around.

As an action movie, this one falls comfortably in with action flicks such as Naked Gun, Airplane and the earliest James Bond films. It's just embarrassing!

How Sho Kosugi (with all due respect) got to be a huge Asian star in 80's America and Jackie Chan didn't, is beyond me... I'm not saying that the negatives to this film is down to him - that would be the fault of director Emmett Alston - but what a waste of talent. We have seen what Sho can do in other films, and how good he can be, but in this... ugh!

But lets look at it like this - 9 Deaths of the Ninja is a masterpiece IF it was genuinely made as a parody of 80's action films...

But I don't think it was!!

Overall: Pee before watching. May cause uncontrollable bladder problems...

9 Yawns of The Audience

[lemon_magic · 3/10 · 3 May 2011]

You know, I can sort of see where the director and producer were trying to go with this one.

There are some elements here that are obviously supposed to be funny, or at least camp: the "Cherman" pervert/Nazi in the wheelchair, the attack midgets, the alarming hairdoes on the two female leads, the Amazon squad, etc.And there are some other elements that were obviously supposed to be sexy and glamorous - the opening credit sequence apes James Bond, Sho Kosugi spends a lot of time with his shirt off, various and bad guys are always on the verge of molesting their female hostages. And some action sequences were obviously meant to pull in the ninja/covert ops fans.

So it looks as if these guys were trying to promote Sho Kosugi from the ninja film ghetto to a more mainstream audience by imitating a Jackie Chan film from the "Armor Of God"/"Protector" era. But they didn't have the chops or the cast or the writing to pull it off. The results are, well, pretty crappy.

9DOTN is stupid where it tries to be witty or camp, and the action sequences are strictly going-through-the-motions. By trading the old rough-cut, cheesy Golan-Globus approach for something slicker and duller, and with even worse acting, the movie manages to throw away whatever reason there was to watch Sho in the first place.

I found my copy of "9 Deaths" in a Crown Pictures compilation with 12 flicks for 5 bucks, so I'm not complaining - much. Watch only if you are the hardest-of-hard-core fan of stupid movies.

A mess of a movie with only a handful of passable moments

[Leofwine_draca · 4/10 · 4 September 2016]

More of a plot less cut-and-paste pastiche of all the action clichés popular in the last half century than a real movie, this drivelling and dumb addition to the popular '80s B-movie war sub-genre is a real letdown from start to finish but not without incidental amusement. Lensed in the Philippines, where supporting cast members and shooting locations are cheap, the film features an unlikely central pairing of characters. The first is Steve, a steroid-pumped meathead who likes to wield an unfeasibly large gatling gun and who covers himself in baby oil and army gear before going into action. Steve is payed by Brent Huff who plumbs the depths of woodenness in a way few unknown actors are capable of doing; his sexist and idiotic hero is just one of many popular from the period where casting male leads with big muscles but no acting skill was a popular process. Sure, there were a few successes – the Stallones and Schwarzeneggers of the period – but these household names are exceptions to the rule and for the most part, any untalented bodybuilder could become a cheap war hero or fighter.

The second lead is more interesting, mainly because he is played by the one and only Sho Kosugi. For those who don't know, Kosugi was a middle-aged action hero of the '80s who first came to success playing the villain opposite Franco Nero in 1981's ENTER THE NINJA. Proving more of a success than the moustachioed Italian star, Kosugi swapped sides and went on to play the hero for a decade, usually starring in films involving ninjas. In the rare instance in which his films didn't involve ninjas (1988's BLACK EAGLE for example) you could at least guarantee that a level of martial arts would be involved in the movie anyway. Here, he's a ninja who somehow also happens to work for an elite US agency responsible for combating terrorism both home and abroad. People who look out for nepotism in movies will note that Kosugi casts both of his kids in fairly substantial roles – a trend he would follow as his career progressed.

Although the heroes don't provide much excitement, at least their characters are mildly realistic and subdued when compared to the trio of villains that the film offers. First up is a turbanned Arab who just laughs manically throughout and sweats a lot – trust me, this soon becomes irritating. Next up is an afroed black female mercenary whose over-the-top acting style is a real annoyance, and finally there's a crippled (?) German scientist ringleader, played by a guy who's overacting knows no bounds. Gosh, this guy is terrible, and whether dubbed or not his comedic, racist accent is utterly abhorrent and moronic. I had to make an effort not to mute the movie when he was on screen, he's that bad. The female characters are of the blonde bimbo variety popular on our screens during the misogynistic decade.

The film shambles badly from one scene of action to the next, taking in a variety of locations. The best I can say about this film is that at least it isn't a homegrown Filipino movie – now they usually are bad, confined to a single location and looking cheap every second. At least this film looks slightly polished. But it doesn't help a lot. Everything is clichéd and even fights on board helicopters don't really help to fuel the minimal excitement levels. Instead, it just looks like the film-makers have copied some scenes from the likes of James Bond and Rambo in a bid to win homegrown appeal. Combined with a title which has no relation to the film in hand (the ninja action is inconsequential to the plot and takes up about ten minutes of filler time) and some poor fight choreography, the result is a mess of a movie with only a handful of passable moments.

And now the screaming starts...

[Mad Matt · 15 September 1998]

As one who pretends to have benefitted from a post-graduate education, I am almost ashamed of my love for this, the best/worst of the Ninja flicks. And while Ninja films are no longer in vogue among the "militia in training " college drinking crowd, this one is worth a look by anyone who loves MST3K or bad movies in general. The stupidity of this film is so self-contained that it needs no clever running commentary, but feel free to drink a few beers and add you own MST3K witticisms anyway.

Check out this plot: a band of terrorists hijacks a busload of tourists and makes several unclear demands. The terrorists are led by Alby the Cruel (Blackie Dammett, father of Red Hot Chili Pepper Anthony Kiedis), who sits in a wheelchair wearing elegant lady's gloves, accompanied by his pet monkey. Alby speaks in a poor German accent, with such great lines as "Az you gan zee, the hoztagez are un-har-med!" Alby's crew includes sexy Col. Honey Hump (a militant lesbian), Dr. Wolf (a sexual deviant) and Rahji the Butcher (Alby's gay lover). Of this bunch, Rahji is the most hilarious, wandering around with this forced malevolent chuckle all the time.

The good guys that come to save the day include Sho Kosugi, whose normal gravelly, yogurt-filled voice is cleverly dubbed by someone who sounds like a pop radio deejay, and Bent Huff, who spends most of his time grinning Puckishly whenever Sho Kosugi gets into a fight (trust me, I'm not making this up). Emilia Lesniak rounds out the trio, a sexy blonde of such immeasurable talent that she never worked in cinema again. Their commander , Vijay Rankin, is played by Vijay Amritraj, that dorky Indian tennis pro who starred in the lame James Bond flick "Octopussy" opposite Roger Moore. Amritraj has many pathetic lines, but the best one comes when he gets a phone call and exclaims, "What? Hijacked?"

Is there a reason to see this film? Well, this one has the potential to be one of the all-time great beer-drinking movies, even though it has nothing to do with fraternities, sex or keggers that last until the wee hours of dawn. I quit drinking when I graduated from college, but I still pop "Nine Deaths" in the VCR now and then because in brings back the giddy sensation of intoxication without the hangover. This one is as bad as it gets, and yet, like a car crash or an episode of "Saved By the Bell," you watch it in spite of yourself.

If ever a bad film deserved a cult following, however, this one is it.

Hokum Galore

[zardoz-13 · 1/10 · 16 April 2016]

"Three-Way Weekend" writer & director Emmett Alston's "Nine Deaths of a Ninja" qualifies as a campy, low-budget, abduction actioneer lensed on location in the Philippines. Primarily, Alston's film showcases Sho Kosugi's skills as a martial artist and he is pretty good with his swordplay. We learn from a flashback sequence that our courageous hero failed to become a ninja because he refused to kill a woman who would have killed him after insisting on mercy from him. The lollipop sucking Kosugi ends up serving as part of an elite, three-member, anti-terrorist strike force designated the DART Team that carries out missions against America's enemies. A demented cripple confined to a wheelchair, with a small pet monkey decked out in briefs, commands a million dollar drug smuggling business. He kidnaps a bus load of American tourists at gunpoint with the help of black lesbian colonel named Holly Hump. This nutty villain demands the release of a ruthless terrorist associate as well as ousting several drug enforcement agents home who have harassed his illicit operation. Spike Shinobi (Sho Kosugi of "Enter the Ninja"), Steve Gordon (Brett Huff of "Oblivion 2: Backlash"), and Jennifer Barnes (Emilia Lesniak of "Fear City") show up as a response to a summons from a government official named Rankin (Vijay Amritraj of "Octopussy"). Meantime, the tone of this farcical feature is set by that whining villain with the pet monkey. The chief adversary is known as Alby the Cruel (Blackie Dammett of "Lethal Weapon") and he speaks in a helium voice, has tantrums, and behaves like Doctor Strangelove. He wears a Nazi swastika pin on his coat lapel, puffs away on crudely rolled marijuana cigarettes and behaves like an ass. Spike and company rescue the hostages after a series of tame ordeals and tangle with the ruthless terrorist goon, Mohammed Rahji (Sonny Erang of "Super Mouse and the Roborats"), modeled on that ultra-huge James Bond villain Jaws. This absurd Rahji character is virtually indestructible and constantly laughs. At one point, Spike discharges an automatic pistol at point blank range into Rahji's fist, and the villain catches the bullet and hands it back to Spike. This goofy adventure opus is laced with low humor. In another scene, a small child intervenes in the rape of a woman by one of the kidnappers. The child squirts lighter fluid on the villain buttocks and ignites the fluid, foiling the rape attempt. Things get really hilarious when our hero has to fight four midgets in a museum. Yes, this movie came out long after Roger Moore fought one midget in "The Man with the Golden Gun." The opening credits look as if Alston designed them to imitate a 007 epic because two scantily clad babes dance while Kosugi demonstrates various ninja moves. At another one, the masculine American hero that Brent Huff plays wields a multi-barreled machine gun like Rambo might shoot. Naturally, Kosugi plays everything straight when he doesn't don his usual disguises. Later, he went on to double for Lee Van Cleef in the short-lived NBC-TV series "The Master." The lady-in-charge of an exotic love barge, Madame Woo-Pee (Judy Wilson), delivers the most memorable line when she replies to our hero's inquiry about the cleanliness of her prostitutes: "My girls are sterilized, sanitized and lobotomized!" Mind you, there is no nudity, but there is a severed head in a box. At best, this travesty of an action movie is a curiosity piece. If you're looking for vintage 1980s style nonsense with lots of loopy humor, "Nine Deaths of a Ninja" will satisfy you. Actually, only one ninja dies in this idiocy.

i would prefer the nine deaths than to have to experience this travesty again

[disdressed12 · 1/10 · 29 May 2010]

wow.is this thing ever horrid.i tried to get through it all,but at the 44 minute mark,i couldn't take it anymore.it isn't the low production values that killed this thing.many movie have low production values due to budget constraints,and still turn out to be decent film,or better.no,what kills this monstrosity is the horrific dialogue with even more horrific delivery and non acting.plus,the plot(although that may be too strong a word)is pretty incoherent.Sho Kosugi is one of the stars,and he has actually been in some decent films.this just isn't one of them.given a choice i'd use my face as a pin cushion before going near this thing again.or better yet,give me the nine deaths in the title.one of the worst travesties i've had the misfortune of viewing.1/10

Where Do We Start?

[Movie-Misfit · 4/10 · 14 September 2019]

I am actually still laughing out loud at this 80's action flick! I had forgotten how ridiculously hilarious it actually was until today..!

The first 10 minutes alone is without a doubt the main cause for most action fans to switch this off with a dreadful staged action-packed opening (please take that with a pinch of salt) and James Bond styled opening credits song, complete with dancing girls and a topless Sho Kosugi dancing with his weapons - Jesus Christ, who came up with this one?!?

The film drags along at a snails pace - thankfully with enough unintentional comedy to keep you entertained - with the introduction of some wild over-the-top villains including a quartet of 'kung fu' midgets (again, please add salt) who are easily defeated by lifting them up and shaking them, or simply by spinning them round and around.

As an action movie, this one falls comfortably in with action flicks such as Naked Gun, Airplane and the earliest James Bond films. It's hilariously embarrassing!

How Sho Kosugi (with all due respect) got to be a huge Asian star in 80's America and Jackie Chan didn't, is beyond me... I'm not saying that the negatives to this film is down to him - that would be the fault of director Emmett Alston - but what a waste of talent. We have seen what Sho can do in other films, and how good he can be, but in this... ugh!

But lets look at it like this - 9 Deaths of the Ninja is a masterpiece IF it was genuinely made as a parody of 80's action films...

But I don't think it was!!

Grade-F.

[gridoon · 3/10 · 21 October 2002]

A grade-F martial-arts flick. The action/fight scenes (which can sometimes redeem an otherwise lousy film of this genre) are below average (let's just say that the bad guys are more than willing to die all-too-easily), and the actors (especially the villains) have no conviction in what they are doing. This one is only if you're DESPERATE for a ninja film, no matter how bad it may be. (*1/2)

Too many ways to reach # 1....(Out of 10)

[fmarkland32 · 1/10 · 7 August 2006]

Nine Deaths Of The Ninja stars Sho Kosugi as a Ninja who with commando Brent Huff kicks a lot of terrorist butt while saving hostages in the process of this painful Ninja movie which could very well be the worst ninja movie ever made. Imagine that, worse than American Ninja 3, worse than Ninja III:The Domination, worse than Ninja Turf, worse than any Godfrey Ho ninja movie. Does that say anything or what? Nine Deaths Of The Ninja was terrible when it came out but now it is even more unwatchable. The action sequences are badly staged and the movie is so awful we can't believe what we are seeing half of the time. Worst of all is that Kosugi rarely uses his martial arts skills and in general seems wasted in this effort. Also of note is that the terrorist angle was lame since this happens in some third world country where this was obviously filmed on the cheap. This is one really bad movie but worst of all is just how direly unwatchable it all is. It is dull, badly made and just cringe inducing to watch. It is quite possibly the worst ninja movie ever made and although I haven't seen every Ninja movie, I highly doubt that anything can be worse than this stinker.

1/2* out of 4-(Awful)

Someone's gotta' stick up for this one.

[Yagamei · 7/10 · 9 June 2005]

9 Deaths, despite the mediocre score I've given it, definitely has a place amongst some of my favorite 80's action fliks. I'm actually surprised at the multitude of the negative feedback it's receiving here on the IMDb. I believe this is partly due to the common misconception that this movie is a serious, devoted stab at a true action movie (and it doesn't help that the site lists it only as being an action movie in genre). 9 Death is, to the enth degree, a COMEDY. It is intended to be a parody and comedy of martial arts/action movies and television of its time. Spike Shinobi A.K.A. lollipop (ala Kojak)? Come on, you know this is a joke.

You should be able to tell this film is deliberate humour, just watch the opening credits. It's a spoof off of the over-the-top Bond introductions, and there are other Bond parallels as well, such as the moronic laughing "arab" guy (who is subsequently played by a white guy .. riiiight), or Kosugi's speedo swim to the over-the-top whore boat. All taking ques from Bond movies as well as others. Secondly, you have your gung-ho American commando type ala Rambo or Ah-nold in Predator, mowing people down with a ridiculous chain gun.

There are simply too many comedic elements to list. The fighting midgets, the ridiculous, out-of-the-blue ninja fight near the end (with not a hint of explanation as to how or why the ninjas are even there), the melodramatic nazi villain, and the grace jones may-day esquire lesbian combat killer, "honey hump".

So before you watch this movie, I think it's important that you realize it is a comedy, and that it is filled with spoof or parody elements, right down to the cheesy music and characters. Of course, the film COULD be a little less deceptive in which genre it fits under. I can easily see how many would think the director was just a goof trying to make a serious action film - and the use of Kosugi's kids in the movie doesn't help (has it ever in the past? remember the Kane Kosugi/horrible actress fight in Revenge of the Ninja).

Even as a comedy, though, the movie isn't perfect. There are a lot of shots that don't make sense, some of the acting is terribly wooden, and the title (while I suspect is all part of the humour) is just ... EXTREMELY misleading. And, unfortunately, some of the jokes that 9 Deaths tries to pull off just simply aren't funny -- and it can be excessively campy and cheesy at points, whether this film is a satire or not. Regardless, I recommend it to anyone looking for a cheesy, funny throw-back to 80s martial arts/action films. It's not bad for an afternoon viewing.

utterly dreadful

[ajb7876 · 1/10 · 20 May 2006]

I was unlucky enough to catch this movie on sky a few night ago,i saw a few of those eighties ninja movies in my youth and in a generous and drunken nostalgic mood i thought that i would give it a try.That turned out to be a mistake because this movie is so awfully,shockingly,unbelievably bad that you will not be able to take your eyes off the screen,a 90 minute train wreck,wooden acting,lousy script,bad camera and sound work,rubbish editing,not to mention the not very convincing fights(this movie is even worse than that other Sho kosugi flic "Black Eagle") .And that opening sequence with Sho Kosugi doing that bit with his sword while those three bimbo"s dance around him,my God i would rather watch puppies being tortured.This movie only works if you get good and drunk before watching it and then take the mickey without mercy all the way through.A masterclass in how to get it wrong.

Superb parody of the 80's action genre?

[whippyx · 10/10 · 21 August 2005]

I can understand why this film has received an average score of 2.7 at the time of writing. It's no masterpiece of modern cinema. However I personally feel it's beyond what most people are viewing it as.

Sure it's corny and tacky, but it's also a superb parody of the 80's action film. A greasy wheelchair bound Nazi drug-baron with a pet monkey in a diaper and a homosexual crush on a giant laughing murderer in a turban, who commands a squad of mercenaries made up of Germanic lesbians and rednecked rapists? A gigantic Gatling gun called "The Dancer"? A training sequence which involves cutting watermelons by the poolside and barely missing a kitten that just happens to be sitting beside a watermelon? A ninja who eats Lollypops? Random ninjas that appear out of nowhere? A final death which involves polo players? Random disguises and costume changes? A single actor playing multiple roles? Attack midgets? An opening sequence with ballet dancers and a ninja performing a modern-dance in a smoke filled room? It's all there!

And if the over-the-top parody elements in the film aren't enough, the film is filled with fantastic dry humour. Genuinely well written and delivered dry humour. Really.. Spike and Macho Man chase a guy up a staircase from which he jumps to escape.. he falls two metres, through a box. When Spike and Macho get to him, he has blood pouring from his mouth and nose.. Spike mournfully states : "That was his last jump."

It is a simply a wildly entertaining parody of the 80's action genre, and sadly it just isn't being seen this way by the masses. I hope this review can help people to see it in a different light as I think for too long it has been misrepresented as a straight action film. This should be a cult classic, and not seen as a moronic joke of a film!

(or maybe it's just a really terrible but unintentionally hilarious film... either way it's great fun to watch)

Entertaining tongue in cheek action movie parody

[HaemovoreRex · 6/10 · 15 May 2006]

Make no mistake, Nine deaths Of The Ninja is not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, however, reading a number of reviews on the web for this film, it is plainly overt that a great many of the reviewers have woefully missed the point.....this is NOT a movie that begs to be taken at all seriously!

What it actually is, is a deliberate tongue in cheek parody that mixes and simultaneously pokes fun at a number of other movies such as its main star's previous ninja films which were produced by Golan Globus. Also added to the mix we have elements that could well have jumped straight out of a James Bond film such as a group of midget assassins, a sadistic lesbian militia leader and a megalomaniac wheelchair bound Nazi!

With such exaggeratedly comic characters on display it frankly baffles me how any reviewer could perceive this as and subsequently attempt to judge this against the criteria of a serious action film!

As to the actual quality of the film in question, and adjudicating it for what it actually represents, Nine Deaths Of the Ninja comes out as a fairly entertaining watch.

Sho Kosugi plays Spike Shonobi aka lollipop (on account of his predilection for them!), head of the fictional highly elite 'DART' team. Under his command are Steve Gordon aka Macho Man and Jennifer Barnes aka Foxy (and she is to!!!) Their mission in this case is to free a group of hostages who have been seized by the exceedingly evil Alby the Cruel.

The above plot provides a great excuse for lots of martial arts action, big explosions, military shenanigans and even some ninja along the way!

As mentioned previously, the whole thing is basically played for laughs and plenty of fun can be derived throughout (check out the hilarious scene when our man Sho is besieged by some villainous midgets!)

Overall then, whilst ambiguously labelled as an 'action' film, this is not a classic by any means, but is in fact a refreshingly light hearted and self effacing take on what is for the most part a stoic and humourless genre.

All in all, good fun!

It's more like Nine deaths of the viewers, I cringed more than 9 times while watching this

[jordondave-28085 · 2/10 · 4 June 2023]

(1985) 9 Deaths Of The Ninja ACTION

Written and directed by Emmett Alston, which according to RT "Meant to be a parody of the martial arts genre" but if that is what it's supposed to be then I must be missing something here, because I thought it failed on all levels since the fights were badly staged that could use better sound effects, when their aren't any except for the explosions etc... The plot is a dime-a-dozen which centers on some kidnapping of some English speaking tourists or Asian while riding on a bus somewhere along the Philippine jungle and the terrorists who hijack it for a release of one terrorist hostage who also happens to be a Philippine terrorist who seems to be quite useless once release. A group of three (who are suppose to be the best) are then sent to save them- one is of course Sho Kosugi (who was also credited for the martial art choreography) another is a mercenary who happens to be a Caucasian and a Cauacasion female whose supposed to be an expert on explosives. Oh, and one last thing some of the terrorists also include model-like Caucasian women. Actor Sho Kosugi's son also has a small part in this as one of the hostages. I probably counted at least 10 cringes on my forehead upon watching this.

Hysterical movie for all the wrong reasons

[MadameCassel · 19 September 2004]

For starters, the title is misleading. Nine Deaths of a Ninja? Fat chance. I hope the ninja would have used up his nine lives early on and get this movie done with. Nine deaths? Pfffft.

Okay, the plot, if there is one. A German (of course a German, and a Nazi, swastika flag and all) terrorist and his amazing bunch of henchmen and -women kidnap a bus load of tourists. They take them to a remote place in jungle and demand the release of Rahji Mohammed, some kind of fellow terrorist. The best special team, consisting of Shô Kosugi, Brent Huff who looks like he's escaped from a toothpaste ad and a gorgeous but oh-so-clever blonde Emilia Crow, is sent to take care of the problem.

The actor who plays Rahji Mohammed, Sonny Erang, sure has a challenging role to play. No one, not even the severely retarded mental patients I have seen in hospitals, laugh menacingly all the time. Rahji had two or three lines in the whole movie, the rest of the time he just laughs. Oh and he must be a really nasty guy: he takes some balloons away from children and squeezes the balloons until they pop. Terrifying. The rest of the terrorists show their bad to the core nature by stealing medication from a girl with severe heart condition.

The rest of the actors are just as wooden as Sonny Erang. Brent Huff is expressive as a brick (and I always thought Ben Affleck is wooden!) and Shô Kosugi is downright awful. The same you can say about every single soul in this pathetic excuse of a martial arts movie. Oh wait! There is someone who was relaxed and expressive: the little monkey. He was well cast.

The fight scenes are so stupid they are laughable. The bad guys stand in line and neatly wait their turn as they are being slaughtered. I wonder why this movie has been cut and given high PG, there is nothing to see here, not so gory violence and no sex, excluding a pair of titties in one scene.

Saving the hostages is forgotten for a long time while the brave men of the rescue team visit a floating whorehouse (Madame Whoopee's Floating House of Fun or something like that) where the assassin-trained whores try to kill our hero's, but one of the assassins loses her bikini top and they have to abort the mission...

The "hejsan så ska vi dansa" amazon women, lead by the queen bitch Honey Hump (!!) are maybe the most laughable element of this movie. And the Rahji's explosives in the mouth scene... how the hell can it leave the head untouched but come out of his butt???! Beats the hell out of me. But what can you expect of a movie where the best actor is a monkey in diapers.

Nine lives are at stake...and used up from the very start!

[emm · 2/10 · 8 February 1999]

My loyal, fellow followers of the Jason Atwood Fan Club will have something to cheer about. Another new milestone has been set: the all-time worst martial arts picture to ever go boldly where no big screen TV has gone before! From the opening that has no opening, and an introductory theme resembling the 20 MINUTE WORKOUT, this one's a real bad apple waiting to rot in your fruit bowl. Hands down, this film carries the most terribly misleading title in the history of martial arts cinema! It's got tons of absolute noneness filled to the brim, and I don't care if it's an action-packed disaster waiting to happen even though there's a ninja sticking around! Nothing else needs to be told, and if you can last through 90 minutes of pure powerless filmmaking, then I'm happy for you! Curiosity kills the cat, and even the cat (or the ninja) doesn't have nine lives to begin with! File this one next to SURVIVAL GAME!

It's cancerous.

[bullsheet-39533 · 2/10 · 5 August 2019]

I made it to the 17:46 mark of the film before I developed an aneurysm and went into a primitive tizzy which landed me in the hospital after slipping in the kitchen and getting my "manhood" caught in the garbage disposal. It's that awful.

Sigh... (might contain spoilers - is there anything here that can be spoiled, btw?)

[borchorst · 1/10 · 25 February 2007]

This is the worst piece of cr*p I've ever seen. Unrealistic fighting, bad choreography, lousy actors. The only mitigating factor in this excuse for a film are the female sidekicks - they really found some babes to do the job. I practise martial arts myself, and seeing people fall over before they're hit might be hilarious, but not in any way realistic, as well as the bad guys consistent groaning and the high-pitched, hysterical voice of the boss in the wheelchair and the female, black (!) malaysian terrorist with the wide open eyes and the hysterical voice. The best actors in this film are the two small boys. I might have enjoyed this "movie" at the age of 12.

Bored to Death by the (lack of) Ninja

[bgajunkie · 3/10 · 1 December 2015]

A team of worldwide anti-terrorism specialists are called in for high impact combat missions - starring Sho Kosugi. Right up front I will state that I was sorely disappointed - if not downright angry that Sho Kosugi was ever involved in this rubbish p.o.s. film.

It has been a long time since I watched Sho in a movie, but I well remember him as the guy that started the ninja movie craze from humble beginnings. So I had hoped that this would be at least watchable if not satisfying. I wondered why this had never been shown AFAIK, on network TV for a long time if ever, so when it showed up on Talking Pictures TV on Freeview, thought - why not. I am sorry I wasted my time recording it.

Talking Pictures TV (channel 81 Freeview or Sky 34)

Haha Ok Not Sho's Best

[damianphelps · 4/10 · 28 January 2021]

IF you watch the trailer for this movie and still watch the movie, then I salute you!

Thankfully the movie is better than the trailer.

JUST.

come on

[guillevica · 6/10 · 15 October 2020]

Come on, it is B classid movie, yeah the movie is very bad, but this is history and funny just watch it and remeber the 80's

hmmm.weird

[[e-mail] · 4/10 · 7 September 2006]

The scenes with the ninjas aren't that bad but everything else is soo bad. Kosugi shopping water melon and some scenes with some girls dancing like a cheap james bond movie. The actors (ennemies) were very bad..except Alan Amiel who plays a bad guys in almost every kosugi film. The sword of Kosugi...OMG please help..what the heck is that. It's a sword that can bend like a pr-24 (tonfa). It look so fake.

The special effect are bad too.

Like I said...The ninja scenes are short but not too bad.

Another reason maybe to watch it is that Kosugi's master in the movie is played by Ken Watanabe so..he's good.

Sorry if I crash your fun. I have all Kosugi's movies and this one's weird.

Revenge of the 80's: Starring Sho Kosugi

[Captain_Couth · 9/10 · 29 October 2003]

9 Deaths of the Ninja (1985)is one of those guilty pleasure films. It's so bad that it's enjoyable. A fourth entry into the Ninja series (following Enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja and Ninja III: The Domination). 9DOAN stars Sho Kosugi as a government agent who travels to the Philippines in order to stop a gang of terrorists.

Sho Kosugi's acting is about as good as his English and the rest of the cast makes him look like Sir Lawrence Olivier. This movie is so bad, bad in the tradition of the cheese classic Final Mission. But I enjoyed very, very much. If you like Sho Kosugi or those wacky Cannon films, then this one's for you!

Highly recommended (for all the wrong reasons).

Join Spike Shinobi and the gang!

[tarbosh22000 · 6/10 · 18 October 2010]

When German, wheelchair-bound terrorist Alby the Cruel (Dammett) uses his team of female soldiers to take a busload of Americans in the Philippines hostage, a team of special anti-terrorist agents are dispatched to save the innocents. Steve Gordon (Huff), Jennifer Barnes (Emilia Crow) and of course Spike Shinobi (Kosugi) are sent in to save the day. It seems Alby is demanding the release from prison of Rahji (Sonny Erang), a grinning, drooling idiot of a terrorist. He's so evil, he goes around popping kids' balloons just for fun. Once he is released, only one group of people can stop the terrorists and free the hostages...Steve, Jennifer and Spike! Did you think it would be someone else? The fact that Sho Kosugi's name here is Spike Shinobi should tell you everything you need to know about this movie. And that it was shot in the Philippines (and that it's a Crown International production). Knowing these things should help you appreciate the silliness within. This anti-terrorist crew hangs out together by the pool, and Spike practices his sword skills on watermelons, then serves them to his compatriots. Narrowly missing a kitten while blindfolded sword-chopping is an important technique to have. Also they have very snappy matching jumpsuits. But when their boss calls in "Dark Team - Red Option 4" they snap into action. This obviously isn't to be confused with Robert Vaughn's "Control 5" from Deadly Reckoning (1998).

Blackie Dammett chews the scenery as Alby, and his beloved pet, a monkey with a diaper, is a highlight of his terrorist training camp (any bad guy worth his salt has one). But are they any match for the blow-pop loving Spike (he has a special holster on his belt to hold his blow pops)? When the action in the movie turns to a jungle scenario as the team gets closer to the training camp, Huff goes all Rambo with his headband and giant machine gun. They're really pulling out all the stops because Kosugi's sons Shane and Kane are trapped on the hijacked bus. Luckily, they are crafty li'l devils that have some tricks up their sleeve as well.

Sure, many things about this film make no sense, including the fact that Sho isn't technically a ninja in the film, and the title makes NO sense considering the action in the film, but they needed to call it something cool, especially because the ninja boom was in full swing at this time. I guess they figured simply the presence of Sho Kosugi made this a ninja movie. All of the silly stunts and nonsensical actions are completely and totally justified by the amazing opening credits sequence. They really don't make 'em like this anymore. It really should have gone on longer. Sadly, the movie never improves upon this opening sequence. We can't describe it, you just have to see it for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

For pretty ridiculous, pseudo-ninja action, try Nine Deaths of the Ninja. You could do a lot worse. This at least has some crazy, silly, funny stuff, which can't be said about a lot of other movies of its ilk. Plus it has Sho. If you see it, get it.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

The lollipop ninja

[Chase_Witherspoon · 5/10 · 28 December 2023]

Legendary ninja who hides in plain sight Kosugi is on the warpath with a more casual, laidback demeanor (as evidenced by the lollipop prop he uses) as he and fellow government special forces Huff & Lesniak work to free a cave-load of tourists help captive by a twisted Nazi drug lord (Dammett, complete with pet monkey) and his Grace Jones-esque henchwoman (Richardson).

Although it looks identical to most 80's Philippine-filmed ninja tales this one mostly plays for laughs, with a charismatic Kosugi hamming up his conquests of James Bond style comic book villains as he channels the slapstick vibe of Jacky Chan, whilst his real-life sons get in on the action amongst the hostages who fight back against their inept captors.

Little coherency or logic, just a tonne of bikini-clad female assassins and black-cloaked ninjas who suddenly appear just when things are looking a mite too easy for our power trio. And whilst most of the kills are routine, watch out for the exception during the polo match for sheer originality.