[O.C. and Stiggs are at Lenora Schwab's wedding and are fooling with the Uzi they gave as a present.]
Randall: Hey, whatcha got?
Stiggs: Randall, how would you like to have more fun than you've ever had in your life?
Randall: I don't know. I've had a lot of fun. I have Legos, you know.
Mark Stiggs: [specifying the Gila Monster car to Ms Bunny] OK, Ms. Bunny! Number 1, we want zero miles to the gallon.
Oliver Cromwell 'O.C.' Ogilvie: Right. No MPGs. It has to be a vulgarlay inefficient mode of trasnportation.
Mark Stiggs: Loud, real loud. It has to generate a terrifyingly seismic field of noise. If we could combine really loud noise with the ugliness of poverty, we'd have the ideal car.
Mark Stiggs: ...making people think that you're poor, so they know you've got nothing to loose if they crash into your car....
Mark Stiggs: Here's a list of places I want this car to be totally unwelcome. Number one: funerals. Number two: affairs of state, you know, real formal ones...ones with...chamber music. Number three: wet golf greens. Number four: the acropolis.
Oliver Cromwell 'O.C.' Ogilvie: Ah, yes. Driving this car right in the acropolis should be completely horrifying to every civilized guy on earth.
Mark Stiggs: [speaking to Sponson about what wedding gift to buy for Lenore Schwab] She's real frail and introverted, she likes to dance to ballet and play her harp. We thought she'd be happier with a... machine gun.
Pat Coletti: This is the life, isn't it? I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight.
Pat Coletti: I know where 624 of them will be on Monday morning. Workin' for me. In my sweatshop.
Pat Coletti: To Mexico.
Stiggs: So, what do you, like, do?
Pat Coletti: Basically, I drink. And I make a lot of money.
Stiggs: I mean, what kind of work do you do, that you *can* do, really wasted?
Pat Coletti: Hog couture, boys.
Stiggs: Hog couture? How's that?
Pat Coletti: I manufacture clothes for fat women.
Gramps: [meeting his new nurse] Hey, if you're gonna be hanging around the house, I need to know two things.
Nurse: What are those?
Gramps: Can you make huevos rancheros?
Nurse: Oh, I can manage that.
Gramps: Good. Now, what's your story on menopause, huh?
Nurse: I always pause for men, Harry.