A Private Function (1984)

John Normington: Lockwood

Quotes 

• Frank Lockwood the Solicitor : It wants to be a bit select, Henry. Their daughter was a GI bride.

  Dr. Charles Swaby : Only just. Six months pregnant when I examined her

  Allardyce : She was a Sunday school teacher.

  Dr. Charles Swaby : The state of her private parts told a different story, Henry.

• [the pig has been abducted] 

  Grand Hotel Manager : I can put my hands on two turkeys in Bradford.

  Frank Lockwood the Solicitor : Two? TWO? We've got a hundred and fifty people coming! And Jesus isn't one of them!

• Allardyce : Are we doing wrong, Frank?

  Lockwood : Of course we're doing wrong. It's a crime.

  Allardyce : I've never committed a crime before.

  Lockwood : Thought you were an accountant.