[repeated line]

Sledge Hammer: Trust me - I know what I'm doing!

Sledge Hammer: When am I on?

Dori: You follow a guy from Dallas & precede a guy from Miami.

Sledge Hammer: Between Dallas & Miami... what a terrible place to be!

[in reference to the show's no-win timeslot opposite both 'Dallas' & 'Miami Vice']

Sledge Hammer: You've never played target practice?

Soviet Scientist: In Russia, we practice by shooting dissidents.

Sledge Hammer: Here we call them liberals.

Captain Trunk: [Trunk watches Hammer attach something to the barrel of his gun] Is that a silencer?

Sledge Hammer: No, it's not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener.

Thug: Drop your gun and kick it over here.

[Sledge puts the gun down]

Thug: I said kick it over here.

Sledge Hammer: Forget it, Slimeball. I never kick a friend when he's down.

Sledge Hammer: [to reporter] I would like to address that particular stereotype if I may. Now, your stereotypical donut is nothing but dough and sugar fried in fat, am I right? Now that fat gums up your arteries and goes to your brain, and you turn liberal. And the next thing you know, Barry Manilow is on the turn-table and you're not going to work and you're voting for gun control. You see what I'm saying? You see the connection? That's why I eat granola.

Sledge Hammer: Every breath you take, every move you make... I'll be watching you. That's police talk.

Sledge Hammer: Now you've gone and done it. You just broke a family heirloom. That lamp had great sentimental value. It accidentally electrocuted my grandfather.

Robin Leach: Good evening, I'm Robin Leach. The producers of Sledge Hammer! have asked me to explain tonight's episode. Let me be frank - it is an attempt to boost ratings. There are many ways to do this: better scripts, more warmth and big-name guest stars. But, we're desperate. So on tonight's episode, we're gonna to rely on four sure-fire ratings grabbers: sex, violence, rock music, and, best of all, a cliffhanger ending that will keep our viewers glued to the edge of their seats until next season. Thus, ensuring there will be a next season. Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

Dori: [at Sledge pulling out a gun on some drunk in a bar] Sledge, you can't solve everything with a gun!

Sledge Hammer: [looking at her slightly puzzled] I know, but I left bazooka in my car.

Dori: Guns don't kill people...

Sledge Hammer: Yeah, bullets do.

Dori: Captain!... Trust me!... I didn't know what I was doing!

Sledge Hammer: That's what I like about you Doreau, you think like a man.

Captain Trunk: [to terrorist] Alright! Your show's been cancelled!

Sledge Hammer: You talking to me?

Dori: Sorry to interrupt you, Captain.

Sledge Hammer: Just wanted to cheer you up.

Captain Trunk: That's impossible. This is the worst day of my life.

Sledge Hammer: Now you see right there, you're wrong. You've said many times that the worst day of your life was the day I joined the force.

[Trunk looks at Hammer]

Sledge Hammer: Now you feel better?

Captain Trunk: Yes.

Sledge Hammer: All cops face violence. The ones who can't deal with it crack. The ones who do, teach.

Sledge Hammer: Any calls?

Dori: Three. Two wrong numbers and an offer to cater a Bar Mitzvah. I told them 'no,' 'no,' and 'maybe.'

Sledge Hammer: [Notices that Doreau is sporting a Veronica Lake hairstyle] New hairdo?

Dori: Yes. This is what happens when I can't afford my regular hairdresser.

Sledge Hammer: Just remember, if you don't look good, we don't look good. Nice outfit; now that the first time you look like a real... girl.

Dori: Yeah, if I don't get my hair fixed, I'll need a guide dog.

[Blows her hair off her face]

Dori: I had a pervert call me once.

Sledge Hammer: Oh, how'd you get him to stop? Change your number?

Dori: No, I stopped dating him.

Sledge Hammer: You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to stick your head in that microwave and set it on "sandwich."

Dori: Hammer, you can't do that!

Sledge Hammer: What? There's no setting for sandwich?

Cliff: *You're* with the police department?

Sledge Hammer: No no no. No, I *am* the police department.

Sledge Hammer: Don't ever touch my hand when I'm going for my gun!

Suzi Swallow: Inspector Hammer, do you have a prediction?

Sledge Hammer: Yes. The first brain-transplant will be performed & YOU will be the reciprient.

Dori: I've got an idea.

Sledge Hammer: Now you're thinking like a man!

Captain Trunk: Hammer, you're the only man I know who can't even *win* gracefully.

Sledge Hammer: Now where am I on this lineup?

Dori: You're following a guy from Dallas and preceeding somebody from Miami.

Sledge Hammer: Between Dallas and Miami? What terrible place would it be?