Short Circuit (1986)

Fisher Stevens: Ben Jabituya

Photos 

Quotes 

• Howard Marner : What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?

  Benjamin Jabituya : Nun soup?

• Ben Jabituya : I am standing here beside myself.

• Ben Jabituya : I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be.

• Newton Crosby : Where are you from, anyway?

  Ben Jabituya : Bakersfield, originally.

  Newton Crosby : No, I mean your ancestors.

  Ben Jabituya : Oh, them. Pittsburgh.

• Ben Jabituya : With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?

• Ben Jabituya : Bye-bye, goofy woman. I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground. Namaste. Bye.

• Ben Jabituya : Newton, we are wasting valueless time here.

• Ben Jabituya : I don't know about you, but I am planning to scream and run.

• Ben Jabituya : I am sporting a tremendous woody.

• Benjamin Jabituya : Who is knowing how to read the mind of a robot?

• Number 5 : Benjamin Jabituya, delete.

  Benjamin Jabituya : No, wait! Rethink yourself!

  Number 5 : Exit. Depart. Leave.

  Benjamin Jabituya : Eat my dust, Newton Crosby. Let us break wind.

  [leaves] 

  Number 5 : Newton Crosby, no run, no talk, drive.

  [Crosby stalls] 

  Number 5 : Today, Crosby! Today!

• Ben Jabituya : Ooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby.

  Newton Crosby : Will you grow up?

• Duke : Will he kill me if I stop?

  Ben Jabituya : Who is to say?

  Duke : Will he kill me if I don't stop?

  Ben Jabituya : Again I am shrugging.

  Duke : I'm stopping.

  Ben Jabituya : Good choice.

• Howard Marner : Hey! Who told you you could take Number One?

  Newton Crosby : Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five - this is the best weapon we could have.

  Howard Marner : Great. Great. So, instead of 11 million dollars on the loose - we're gonna have twenty-two.

  Ben Jabituya : And plus, we are needing gas money.

• Ben Jabituya : Did you get a piece of ash?

• Ben Jabituya : Did she stick her tongue down your throat?

• Ben Jabituya : I have seen some strange, bizarre drivers, but you. You will be awarded a cake.

• Howard Marner : Don't tell me its laser is still armed.

  Ben Jabituya : Bimbo.

• Newton Crosby : Can you believe it's been five years since I've driven?

  Ben Jabituya : I would say ten.

• Howard Marner : Where is he? I need him! Stat!

  Ben Jabituya : Excuse me, sir? Crosby? He is hiding in the toilet, sir.

  Howard Marner : Public relations is everybody's job.

  Ben Jabituya : He's saying that the crowds, they are making him dog sick, sir...

  Howard Marner : Look, he's supposed to be here, I want him here, I *pay* him to be here.

  Ben Jabituya : Well, the last time I'm seeing him, he is busy womiting, sir.

  Howard Marner : Well, clean him up and send him out, to hobnob. Stat!

• Newton Crosby : [makes a computer hand show its middle finger to Ben and chuckles very smugly] 

  Ben Jabituya : Is that a 'yes' or the number of your intelligence quotient, uh?

• Ben Jabituya : "Unable. Malfunction."

  Howard Marner : How can it refuse to turn itself off?

  Skroeder : Maybe it's pissed off.

  Newton Crosby : It's a machine, Schroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.

  Newton Crosby , Ben Jabituya : [in unison]  It just runs programs.

  Howard Marner : It usually runs programs.

• Ben Jabituya : Newton, you know what is out there in the great outdoors? Girls. Mmmmm! With brassieres and legs - mmm. You have a working knowledge of girls?

  Newton Crosby : No, but I read about 'em.

  Ben Jabituya : Oh, then... maybe I can furnish you with some schematic drawings?

• Ben Jabituya : Oh, bull dyke! You cannot hold your water with that story, girl.

• Stephanie Speck : [about the SAINT robots]  So - what are these guys used for, anyway?

  Ben Jabituya : It's top-secret crap.

  Stephanie Speck : That's what I figured.

• Stephanie Speck : ...Where're you taking him?

  Ben Jabituya : This is not being a HIM. It's only being wires and several mechanisms and other such machine-type apparatus, for the Pete of sake - the sake of Peeckle...

• Ben Jabituya : So now I am having no job to speak about. I will have to smack the sidewalk.

• Ben Jabituya : [noticing that Newton is having a hard time driving through the semi-dark streets of town]  Do you know what most people are liking at night?

  Newton Crosby : No, what?

  Ben Jabituya : Headlights.

  [reaches across the dashboard and switches the lights on] 

  Newton Crosby : Oh, yeah... that's a lot better! Thanks!

• Ben Jabituya : [just before he and Crosby go to meet with the public]  Please wait for me. I need to go and use the jack.

  Newton Crosby : It's the "john."

• Ben Jabituya : Looks like you have created another Frankfurter's monster.

• Ben Jabituya : Newton Crosby, you must make instantaneous appearance. Marner says that! You have to go hobnob with the bigwigs.

  Newton Crosby : Ben, I don't hobnob. If you like all that PR crap, why don't you go hobnobbing with the brass! Have a ball!

  Ben Jabituya : Oh, I am sick of wearing the dress in this family.

• Newton Crosby : Where is she going? I thought Howard told her to stay put.

  Ben Jabituya : Go figure out chicks, man.

• Stephanie Speck : Would you quit doing that!

  Ben Jabituya : You think I'm doing it for my own self-gratification?

• Ben Jabituya : What the heck, Newton. Let us punch the sack. Tomorrow is the next day.

• Ben Jabituya : Well, the cat has dragged in a sight for four eyes, that is for sure. You look dreadful.

• Ben Jabituya : Now, wait a minute. If you are tinking, what I am tinking you're tinking, then you're tinking that that female chick is some sort of super-hacker or something?

• Newton Crosby : Skroeder came in with his gestapo and ruined it all!

  Ben Jabituya : Oh, those bunch of male type organs.

• Ben Jabituya : Gag me a fork sir number 5 left the debriefing station and disaperared sir.