18 May 2009 | anxietyresister
Take WarGames, dial down the intelligence level by 99%, add a bunch of dumb teens and some incredibly cheesy action sequences and what have you got? Do you need me to tell you?
You know the scenario.. three guys and three gals hack into a terrorist computer network which they think is a game but is instead a real life program. They order the assassination of the Russian peace envoy, explode a few oil refineries and generally wreck mayhem all over the good ol' US of A. Only when they order their own deaths as a joke do they realise this is all actually happening in real life. Who can save them? Why, only a bearded border control guard and his bubbly news anchor girlfriend. Then, you have the hard-as-nails black guy and the obese White House security officer. (NEVER accuse the writers of sticking to convention!!)
Obviously, the fat dude is the only one to actually get shot in the film.. big target you see. The rest of the action involves lots of blanks being sprayed randomly about, tons of extras diving onto the ground in slow motion and explosions where the sound effects seem out of proportion to the minor blasts we see. There's some hand to-hand combat too, which wouldn't look out of place in a comedy satire. Meanwhile the computer nerds take it in turns to unwittingly plot the destruction of the free world on their PC, and shag the attractive ladies they bought along with them for the ride.
See, it's films like this that give spotty anti-social freaks who play Warcraft all day long a vain hope they may have a hope of losing their virginity. Sorry, not gonna happen. Despite six kids causing the deaths of thousands by ordering a hitherto unknown band of radicals to commit acts of terrorism over their PC, and supermen who can kill people by the dozen without taking so much as a scratch themselves, this is by far the most ludicrous plot in the movie.
Still, it's not entirely without merit. The script is so hair-brained in will almost certainly keep you engrossed till the end, and it's always worth having a giggle at the many overdone battles. But at the end of the day, this amounts to very little but a waste of time and energy. Don't hold your breath for the DVD release. *GASP* 4/10
P.S There is a 'funny' monologue by one of the main characters over the ending credits which is possibly the most UNhilarious things I've ever heard in my life. Plus an extra scene which would suggest a sequel. Except it never made it past the drawing board. Phew!