Drayton: [to Leatherface] You have one choice, boy: sex or the saw. Sex is, well... nobody knows. But the saw... the saw is family.

[when asked the secret of his successful chilli]

Drayton: No secret, it's the meat. Don't skimp on the meat. I've got a real good eye for prime meat. Runs in the family.

Chop Top: NAM FLASHBACK!

Drayton: S-C-E-X, sex. Ya had to find out about it, didn't ya?

Lefty: I'm the Lord of the Harvest!

Drayton: What's that? Some new health food bunch?

L.G. McPeters: [seeing Chop-Top cutting up records] Hey! What the shit?

Chop Top: Lick my plate, you dog dick!

Chop Top: Peel that pig and slice him thick.

Chop Top: Dog will hunt. Get that bitch, Leatherface. Get that bitch!

[laughs]

Chop Top: Dog will hunt.

Chop Top: [to Stretch at the radio station] Can you play Inna-Vida-da-Gadda?

L.G. McPeters: Look, darlin'. Built ya a little fry house.

Drayton: The small bussinessman... always, always, always gets it in the ass.

Drayton: It's a dog eat dog world and from where I sit there just ain't enough damn dogs!

Drayton: I wouldn't wish this rotten life off on a one-eyed ferret with mange.

Drayton: Grandpa's strict liquid diet keeps him as fresh as a rose.

Lefty: One of those boys was so crazy he sawed his own head off going 90 miles per hour.

Drayton: You coonshits, you fudge packers, you'll be the death of me yet!

Stretch: I know nobody's listening 'cos you're all looming, but I got a shot of hot rock 'n roll for you anyway...

[takes a call]

Stretch: KOKLA Red River Rock 'n Roll Request.

Chop Top: [hitting L.G. in the head with a hammer] Incoming mail!

Lefty: [after discovering a hall in the wall filled with entrails in the Sawyers' hideout] It's the Devil's playground.

[a chanting Lefty has just sawed his way through the Sawyers' hideout and has finally come face-to-face with them]

Lefty: Boys, boys, boys.

Drayton: What the Hell's goin' on here? That the American way of enterin' a man's home, singin' like that?

L.G. McPeters: Just had another cursin' caller. Your little ass is gonna be in big trouble with that tape girl.

Drayton: Who sentcha? Those sissies over at Delmar catering? That chicken-shit burrito man?

Drayton: [Hiding under the dinner table while Leatherface and Lefty fight] Maybe it's just time to just shut down. Time to shut down the show, yeah. Yeah, pull the plug. Come here, Nubbins!

[Pulls the preserved corpse of the hitchhiker from the original film under the table and searches him]

Drayton: Where... Where's that fuck you Charlie?

[Buzz and Rick are on the phone to Stretch]

Buzz: This is for Rick the Prick; he wants to hear "Bright Lights, Big Titties"!

Rick: Wrong! I don't wanna hear it - I wanna see it! "Bright Lights, Big Titties!" Woo!

Chop Top: [to Stretch] You hog bitch!

L.G. McPeters: [his final words; to Stretch] I guess I'm fallin' hard on ya, honey... Ah, shit.

[sobbing, Stretch puts his skinned-off face and cowboy hat back on him]

Stretch: L.G., I loved you.

Chop Top: [chanting while blasting a fire extinguisher] 'Nam Land! Napalm! Fire in the hole!

Drayton: [after Stretch runs right past the Sawyers] Some kinda crazy booger just skits through here!

Drayton: I thought you took care of her already.

Chop Top: Yeah well, Leatherface killed her once already, but LOOK! She's Red-faced. Oh, Bubba's been playing with her, Bubba likes her. Bubba's got a girlfriend!

Chop Top: Exit. E-X-I-T.

[When swinging for Stretch, Leatherface hits Chop Top on his head with the chainsaw by accident, exposing his metal place cover]

Chop Top: Her, not me you dumbass! Leatherface, you bitch! Look what you did to my Sonny Bono wig do... oh, goddamn I can't believe it! You gonna have to buy me a new plate cover! You gonna have to buy me a new plate cover, Leatherface! Oh... I'm gonna have to go back to the VA hospital to get me a new plate cover!

Chop Top: Uh, I wanna... I wanna buy some uh, radio add time.

Vantia 'Stretch' Block: [getting nervous] Are you fucking crazy? We are closed. Off the air till' tomorrow. You'll have to just... come... back...

Chop Top: No but... but yeah but... Whoa.

CutRite Manager: Oh my achin' banana!

[deleted scene]

Chop Top: [to Drayton] Kiss my plate!

Drayton: A man builds a good sturdy trade by hookin' and crookin' and then

[removes pin from grenade]

Drayton: Ka plooey! The Gods just kick him right in the balls. Ah no! Not this time...

Drayton: I love this town!

L.G. McPeters: [to Stretch, who is screaming after seeing him skinned] Darlin', don't be scared, darlin'...

Chop Top: 'NAM LAND!

Buzz: [referring to the chainsaw wielding Leatherface] What the hell is that?

Rick: It's... It's some kind of a geek!

Chop Top: C'mon Bubba. Cook's out here chewing ass like it was steak... "We gotta run for that money now! Chase that dollar, boy! Gotta go fast to catch it... "

L.G. McPeters: It's like super-feedback. Just... put the underwoofer across the overflapper.

Chop Top: Burn her like a rat! Burn her like a rat!

Chop Top: [donning L.G.'s cowboy hat after beating him unconscious] Giddy-up!

Drayton: [to Leatherface] Did you see it? Well, did you? Well, didn't you? Did you, didn't you? Go check it out boy!

Chop Top: NAM-LANDDD!

Drayton: Awww shut up!

[to Leatherface]

Drayton: I told you to go check it out before I start kicking your ass.

[to Chop-Top]

Drayton: Some kind of crazy booger just skitched through here.

Chop Top: No, a booger? How big?

[imitating Nubbins the puppet]

Chop Top: Big, crrazzzzyyy booger! Let's haul butt bro!

Lefty: Put it in the press. Get it in the news. Any information about this accident, and maybe, uh, some witnesses.

Detective: Yes, sir, I uh... I know some old boys at the paper. We'll get your story out for ya.

Lefty: Brazos.

Detective: [affirmative head nod]

Lefty: Bra-zos.

Detective: [farewell salutes Lefty]

Lefty: Bra-zos!

Detective: Remember the Alamo, cowboy.

[double-clicks tongue]

Lefty: [Lefty stumbles upon the Sawyer Family's dining lair; sees Stretch bloodied and bound]

Stretch: -Lefty.

Lefty: -Sister.

Stretch: Lefty!

Lefty: -Brazos!

[Revs chainsaw]