Drayton: [to Leatherface] You have one choice, boy: sex or the saw. Sex is, well... nobody knows. But the saw... the saw is family.
[when asked the secret of his successful chilli]
Drayton: No secret, it's the meat. Don't skimp on the meat. I've got a real good eye for prime meat. Runs in the family.
Chop Top: NAM FLASHBACK!
Drayton: S-C-E-X, sex. Ya had to find out about it, didn't ya?
Chop Top: Peel that pig and slice him thick.
Chop Top: [to Stretch at the radio station] Can you play Inna-Vida-da-Gadda?
L.G. McPeters: Look, darlin'. Built ya a little fry house.
Drayton: The small bussinessman... always, always, always gets it in the ass.
Drayton: It's a dog eat dog world and from where I sit there just ain't enough damn dogs!
Drayton: I wouldn't wish this rotten life off on a one-eyed ferret with mange.
Drayton: Grandpa's strict liquid diet keeps him as fresh as a rose.
Lefty: One of those boys was so crazy he sawed his own head off going 90 miles per hour.
Drayton: You coonshits, you fudge packers, you'll be the death of me yet!
Chop Top: [hitting L.G. in the head with a hammer] Incoming mail!
Lefty: [after discovering a hall in the wall filled with entrails in the Sawyers' hideout] It's the Devil's playground.
L.G. McPeters: Just had another cursin' caller. Your little ass is gonna be in big trouble with that tape girl.
Drayton: Who sentcha? Those sissies over at Delmar catering? That chicken-shit burrito man?
Drayton: [Hiding under the dinner table while Leatherface and Lefty fight] Maybe it's just time to just shut down. Time to shut down the show, yeah. Yeah, pull the plug. Come here, Nubbins!
[Pulls the preserved corpse of the hitchhiker from the original film under the table and searches him]
Drayton: Where... Where's that fuck you Charlie?
Chop Top: [to Stretch] You hog bitch!
Chop Top: [chanting while blasting a fire extinguisher] 'Nam Land! Napalm! Fire in the hole!
Drayton: [after Stretch runs right past the Sawyers] Some kinda crazy booger just skits through here!
Chop Top: Exit. E-X-I-T.
[When swinging for Stretch, Leatherface hits Chop Top on his head with the chainsaw by accident, exposing his metal place cover]
Chop Top: Her, not me you dumbass! Leatherface, you bitch! Look what you did to my Sonny Bono wig do... oh, goddamn I can't believe it! You gonna have to buy me a new plate cover! You gonna have to buy me a new plate cover, Leatherface! Oh... I'm gonna have to go back to the VA hospital to get me a new plate cover!
CutRite Manager: Oh my achin' banana!
Chop Top: [to Drayton] Kiss my plate!
Drayton: I love this town!
L.G. McPeters: [to Stretch, who is screaming after seeing him skinned] Darlin', don't be scared, darlin'...
Chop Top: 'NAM LAND!
Chop Top: C'mon Bubba. Cook's out here chewing ass like it was steak... "We gotta run for that money now! Chase that dollar, boy! Gotta go fast to catch it... "
L.G. McPeters: It's like super-feedback. Just... put the underwoofer across the overflapper.
Chop Top: Burn her like a rat! Burn her like a rat!
Chop Top: [donning L.G.'s cowboy hat after beating him unconscious] Giddy-up!
Drayton: [to Leatherface] Did you see it? Well, did you? Well, didn't you? Did you, didn't you? Go check it out boy!
Chop Top: NAM-LANDDD!
Drayton: Awww shut up!
Drayton: I told you to go check it out before I start kicking your ass.
Drayton: Some kind of crazy booger just skitched through here.
Chop Top: No, a booger? How big?
[imitating Nubbins the puppet]
Chop Top: Big, crrazzzzyyy booger! Let's haul butt bro!
Lefty: Put it in the press. Get it in the news. Any information about this accident, and maybe, uh, some witnesses.
Detective: Yes, sir, I uh... I know some old boys at the paper. We'll get your story out for ya.
Detective: [affirmative head nod]
Detective: [farewell salutes Lefty]
Detective: Remember the Alamo, cowboy.