Richard Nixon: I'm so close to the solution on who did me in. You see, they planted clues to throw us off.

Henry Kissinger: They did? Who did?

Richard Nixon: The Beatles.

Mister Rogers: Wait, what's this? Why, how neighborly. Can you say, "listening device?"

Jimmy Swaggert: Oh! God! I have sinned against you!

George Burns: Knock off the dinner theater, Jim, If I want to see overacting I'll watch Vincent Gardenia.

Richard Nixon: Jim Bakker became a disgrace when he got caught with a woman. Jimmy Swaggert became a disgrace when he went to a hotel with a woman. Gary Hart became a disgrace when he dared the press to follow him. I remember the good old days when you had to have brains to be a disgrace.

Geraldo Rivera: This is bigger than I thought! Ex-Presidents in the den of iniquity!

Richard Nixon: You chump, you're in the wrong place, this is just a neighborhood bar!

Cher: I can't believe they gave me an Oscar for playing an older woman who has a fling with a younger man. Oh gosh, normally they give it for acting, oh gosh.

Oliver North: Mr. President, I'm afraid the operation was not a success. They still have to do some work on your nose.

Jessica Hahn: I'm trying to get new recruits to a new organization, called B.I.M.B.O.s. It's a loose association of women.

Fred: I see, an association of loose women.......